“Lucas, that is not okay,” I said with a louder than usual voice. He just looked at me for a moment.
“So you're telling me you felt nothing when I kissed you?” He said. I knew I had to lie. There was no way I was going to tell Lucas how I felt when he kissed me. This can not happen.
“Yes Lucas, I felt nothing,” I said. He studied me some more.
“Your lying.” He said.
“How the hell would you know if I was lying or not?” I asked him.
“Because your body gives you away.” He said. What the hell does that even mean? I said to myself.
“Lucas your, your.” He cut me off.
“I’m not your brother Scar.” He said.
“But you kind of are Lucas and I’m telling you I felt nothing,” I said and crossed my arms.
“Fine Scar, just keep lying to yourself.” He said and walked out of the room. The kiss was the best kiss I had ever had. It was soft and warm and romantic. Like if he truly meant it. All I’ve wanted to do is kiss him more since it happened. I pulled my knees to my chest and held on. This is so wrong to feel this way and I swear I’ll never admit it. He just told me he liked it. I still can’t believe this is the same Lucas that I hated just four years ago. What is wrong with us? I don’t understand, what does he want from me? Does he want to be with me? That could never work. It would destroy our family.
I needed to get away so I had decided to go stay with Jessica for the night. I needed to stay away from Lucas for awhile. I really needed to clear my head and try to figure a way out of this. I went upstairs and started to get some of my things together. Lucas had his bedroom door shut. I tried to be quite. I got all my things together and as quietly as I could I stepped out of my room and closed the door behind me. “Going somewhere?” I heard him say.
“I’m going to go and spend a couple of days with Jessica,” I said.
“Come on Scar, you don’t have to do that. If I bother you that much I can leave.” He said. I took a deep breath.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” I said. “And you don’t bother me,” I said. I felt him come up behind me.
“I don’t?” He asked right in my ear.
“No, you don’t,” I said softly. I felt his hand start to run down my arm softly. “Lucas, please,” I whispered out.
“You do like this don’t you.” He whispered to me. His mouth right by my ear. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath again.
“Please, this can’t happen,” I said. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and wrap my arms around him and kiss him till his lips were gone. I tried to move away from him, but my feet were betraying me. His hand came down in front of me and rested on my belly. He turned me around to face him. Now our foreheads were touching.
“Open your eyes Scar, look at me.” He said.
“I can’t if I do I won’t leave,” I said.
“You want me just as much as I want you. Don’t go.” He said. I opened my eyes and looked into his. It took everything in me to pull away. I just looked at him for a moment. I then turned and left the house the fastest I could move. I jumped in my car and took off. I pulled up in front of Jessica’s and just sat there for a moment. All I wanted to do was turn the car around and head back home. I just couldn’t do it. I would betray my mother and Jack in so many ways. This could possibly mess up their marriage. I just couldn’t bring myself to do something like that, but god I wanted him so bad. Just then my phone went off and I looked at it. Jessica was wondering where I was. I really needed someone to talk to about this, but was I really going to share? I took a deep breath and grabbed my things. The only thing I could think to do was leave and try and stay away from Lucas at all costs until I left for school. I knew that was going to be impossible. Not only because he lived in my home, but because I didn’t want to stay away.
“It’s about time girl, where have you been?” She asked me.
“Sorry, but I had to get my shit together,” I said. We spent the rest of the evening listening to Jessica talk about the number of boys she wanted to get with, but my mind was only on one guy. I felt my phone go off and I looked at it. It was from Lucas.
“I’m really sorry Scarlet.” Was all the message said. I debated on not texting him back but I couldn’t help myself.
“Don’t be,” I said and hit send.
“Please don’t say away too long.” He sent back. I just looked at the message. I took a deep breath.
“Hello, earth to Scarlet.” I heard Jessica say. I looked up at her. “Who are you thinking about?” She asked me.
“What? No one.” I said.
“Yeah right, tell me.” She said. One thing I had always love about my friendship with Jessica was that she could always see right through me. She always knew my moods no matter what they were.
“I’m having some issues with Lucas,” I said.
“Great so he is being a dick to you again? Is that why you're here? Do I need to kick his ass? Because I will.” She said. I couldn’t help it as I smiled at her.
“No, its nothing like that,” I said. She just kind of looked at me.
“I don’t understand.” She said. I looked down trying to figure out what to tell her.
“Do you remember when we kissed at the beach?” I asked her.
“You mean when we were playing spin the bottle?” She asked me. I nodded at her. “So, he is giving you shit about it?” She asked.
“No, nothing like that,” I said.
“Just spit it out already... wait. Are you and him?” She stopped for a moment. I looked at her, she looked at me. “Did you fuck your brother?” She blurted out.
“Oh my god Jess, no and damn it, he is not my brother,” I said.
“Then what are you trying to tell me?” She said. I took a deep breath and told her everything that had gone on since then. I waited for her to process everything I had said.
“I really needed someone to talk to and I trust you,” I said.
“I can’t believe this. I mean you guys are not really family so, it’s not like you would be doing anything wrong.” She said.
“Are you kidding me. This would ruin everything with her and Jack.” I said.
“How do you even know that?” She asked me.
“Come on Jess this can not happen,” I said. She studied me for a moment.
“You want him to don’t you?” She said. I looked up at her. Then I just nodded.
“What the fuck are you even doing here?” She said.
“Jess, if I go back home. There’s no turning back. My body will betray me in all the wrong ways.” I said. “Besides I’m sure once he finds out I’m still a virgin he will not want to be with me,” I said. She just shook her head at me.
“Okay, here’s what going to happen. You're going to take your ass back down to your car and drive back home. You are either going to talk things out with him or he is going to give you a night you will never forget. If that happens then I can talk about sex with my best friend without having to explain in detail what the hell I’m talking about. Maybe all he wants is to fuck and you two can move on and not talk about it again and then no one has to know and you would be golden.” she said. I still just shook my head at her.
“And what if he wants more?” I said. She just kind of smiled.
“What if you want more?” She asked me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. What if I do go home and we get this bizarre attraction uncontrolled and we both just go our separate ways, but what if I fall in love with him. I know how my heart works and I know what sex can mean. UGH, I was so confused.
“Just go damn it and I want details tomorrow.” She said. I got up and grabbed my things and headed out to my car. I took a deep breath, started the car and headed home. I pulled up to a dark house. I turned my headlights off and grabbed my things. The front door was locked and I knew he was still home as his truck was here. I stepped inside quietly. I found him asleep on the couch only the TV was going and all the lights were off. I sat my bag down and took a seat next to him on the couch. I watched him for a moment. He was peacefully sleeping with his phone still in his hand. I studied him, looking at all the tattoos all over his perfect body. He had changed so much and he was breathtakingly beautiful. I had never met someone as hot as he was. I remember when we were younger and we first met. I thought he was cute until I got to know him and he changed all of that, but nowhere he was and he was completely a different person. A person who was supposed to be my family. All I wanted to do was climb into his lap and feel his arms around me and his lips on mine. He moved and his phone fell to the ground making a banging noise that woke him up. He looked around the room for a moment until he saw me. I sat there looking at him while I chewed on my bottom lip.
“Scar, is that you?′ He said. I nodded at him trying to gain all the courage I had inside of me as I did exactly what I wanted to do. I didn’t wait to lose my courage. I moved my body over to him and climbed into his lap. His hands went around my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I looked at him for a moment. His eyes were glued to mine. “Scarlet?” He said. I bit my lip and leaned in and pressed my lips to his.