The community center’s conference room had harsh lighting. The long fluorescent bulbs gave such a bright unnatural tone to the already cold tone of the room. My new employment by the state allowed me no budget for decor. Any and all things for the group would come out of pocket. That irritated Me to no end. A friendly atmosphere was needed in myline of work. In fact everything was an uphill battle and I hadn't even had my first day yet. The state had no money that permitted me to have continuous one on one sessions with his girls. No those would only be permitted for a select few I deemed serious cases.
That would be all fine and dandy if I was provided with the girl’s files. But sadly that was not the case. I would have to wait and gradually learn about each of them through group sessions. Perhaps the first five group sessions could just be about one particular girl. Five girls. Five days. Perhaps that would work. It’s good practice to make trauma victims individually heard. It would show them they each had my undivided attention and that I cared. It would be the easiest route to gaining trust. I just knew one of them was going to be perfect. One of them would be special. My type went far beyond fourteen to eighteen years of age. I preferred dark hair, blue eyes, and a certain shape of a girl. Not overweight. Not underweight.
Certain traumas as well as details from a girls upbringing made them more susceptible to men like me. Sexual trauma happening when she is blossoming often makes the girl experiment sexually. An early awakening if you will. The lack of a father figure often results in a girl constantly seeking an older authoritarian male role model. An abusive household results in a girl that will do anything to be loved. Drug addicted parents result in a girl that will jump at the chance to be anywhere else. I expect each of the girls to at least have one of these situations. The therapist that formally filled my position had briefed me just before she hauled ass out of here.
She explained that most of them did not voluntarily come and some only ever came once. At any point in time one can just not show up or two new ones could show up. Often the girls that voluntarily came gave fake names. Some are homeless. Some are runaways. Some are court ordered. Some have gone through prosecution of their abusers. Others are current victims. A few are survivors that hadn’t reported. She hadn’t been able to give me her notes as she had no idea who’s notes I would even need. The woman couldn’t be bothered to care for these girls and it was apparent. Perhaps at first she had a noble cause and a love for her job. But that had long since died in this woman. No doubt the girls would be better off without such an uncaring cold therapist.
Tomorrow will be the first group and I was thrilled but my excitement was certainly stifled by the state of the room. Dry wall panels are broken or missing. The dry erase board was heavily stained. The only chairs are school desks. Nothing comfortable about a fucking school desk. The old laminate heavily scuffed. The room was complete with a dead plant in the far dark corner. I would be up all night just writing down what I needed to purchase to warm the environment some. I couldn’t fix the broken things so I would need to work around them.
I had spent my morning purchasing everything on my list and then two whole hours getting my “office” decorated. I had even purchased chair cushions to make the school desks as comfortable as possible. Some soda and snacks. Appealing to vulnerable teenage girls thankfully wasn’t all that difficult. I could barely contain my excitement. They would begin to arrive soon as there was only twenty more minutes until the first group. I couldn’t have been more thrilled.
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