Here I was in the graveyard of my sister the day before my birthday. To think last week, we had talked for hours planning the details of how we were going to celebrate it. I hadn’t seen Macy in almost a month because she always told me her job was demanding and I never complained since she was the one who was paying the bills and my tuition.
“Macy was beautiful” I cleared my throat before continuing with my speech. “I loved her so much. She was an athletic, famous, and lovable person. I always hated that about her” I wiped a tear making a small laugh “I mean I hated she was all I wasn’t, and all my life I lived under her shadow because I was always Macy’s sister everywhere” I stopped now shaking looking at the notes I had written.
I saw Julian my boyfriend walking up next to me and he reached my shoulders giving me a nod to carry on. Macy never liked Julian she always called him a mean jerk, but I never understood why because he was always sweet and gentle with me.
I looked down at my notes as I continued “I don’t know what made her commit suicide because she was happy. She was always happy, and nothing pulled her down. Sh- She was strong, my mentor and best friend and now she is gone.” Julian pulled me into a hug as I started to sob again.
He helped me walk back to my seat and the funeral proceeded and there were a few friends who were making speeches, but my mind drifted off to the letter I got after the police came to inform me of her death. She had left mom and me a goodbye letter with a vague explanation of what happened.
All the letter said was “I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore. I’m in prison and I can’t escape. Don’t be sad for me mom. Maya everything will make sense soon and I hope you will forgive me and understand the prison I was in. Maya, I’m sorry, but I want you to outlive the prison don’t do it for me or anyone do it for yourself you are way stronger and smarter. I admit this because I know you. I love you” The letter, had her red lipstick on and teardrops which meant had been crying.
I don’t understand what the letter means but I read it a dozen times and would still picture Macy in her red lipstick and smoky eyes crying writing this letter. The beautiful girl who never showed her flawed side to anyone was the same girl who wrote the letter.
I was brought back to reality by Julian speaking to me. “People are starting to leave, should we go?” He asked
“I want to stay a little bit. You can go right ahead, ” he gave an are you sure look and I nodded before he gave me a soft kiss on the lips
“How about I wait with you for a bit? I can wait as long as you want.”
“It’s fine, I have to go see mom for a bit after so I can update her” I gave him half a smile
“I can take you there if you like, ” he looked at me
“It’s okay, I still have to go and read to her for some time” I responded not taking my eyes away from the grave where my sister lay.
“Call me if you need anything,” he said, placing another kiss on my cheek before he resigned and walking away
I stayed for a while before I decided to visit mom in the home for the disabled so I can give her an update on the funeral. Mom worked in a factory a few years back before she was in an accident at work which left her paralyzed. She was counting boxes on a ten-foot ladder before she fell hard and hit her spine, which made her lose feeling on most parts of her body.
As I walked into the home, I was greeted by sad and warm smiles from the nurses and other patients. Guess the news about Macy’s death didn’t take time to spread.
I slowly opened her room peaking my head at first, but she was resting so I walked in quietly before kissing her on the cheek.
“Hey, ma, the funeral went well. I know you wanted to see her for that last time, but she is resting now. She looked beautiful too” I squeeze her hand searching for a squeeze back that I know full well I wouldn’t be getting any more.
Mom has been in this home for over a year since her fall and Macy had to take over the hospital bills and my tuition after the insurance money ran out.
I sighed as I reached for my bag to take out a book. She always loved reading and since she can’t do it on her own whenever I come for a visit, I read her a few chapters. She has always been a sucker for romance and reading about two strangers overcoming struggles to be together always made my heart swoon for that kind of romance in my life too.
After reading for almost an hour I closed the book. I made my way to set her pillow and taking out the dried flowers. I gave her another kiss on the cheek before I made my way home.
After I got home l cried over my mom, myself, and the death of my sister until I had nothing to cry about. Macy was gone which meant that the bills and everything were now left on my shoulders. Maybe the prison, she meant was me trying to figure a way to take care of mom’s bills and tuition? I have been working at a café to cover some home bills, but that won’t be enough as I always depended on Macy to bail me out.
I grabbed my phone wanting to call Julian. I was hoping his voice alone would calm my nerves, but it was late, so I threw my phone back on the bed and looked around the papers lying around with uncertainty. I decided to carry on for a while, but I had lost track of time when I reached for my phone again.
It’s after midnight and my 18th birthday had officially started, and I have been swamped with papers on how to make a budget of my living conditions and everything around me. I had tough decisions to make, it was my college future or my mom’s bill for the home. Macy has been fighting too hard for us to keep the house, but this will be hard to keep and maintain.
After a few hours of looking and exhausting all my options, I was feeling tired. I drifted off to sleep, uncertain of what the future will bring. The only thing that was left in my thought was my mom.
I had hoped I was in a nightmare where I would wake up to Macy surprising me and going for a spa day with her and some shopping, but she was gone for good.
“I’m all you have mom and I’m going to fight to keep you comfortable and keep this house. I promise” I took a sigh and I let my head fall on the pillow drifting to sleep.