9. The struggle
The week with Lennix flew by too fast. It was bliss to be in our own little bubble. We packed, hung out, and made love all over her apartment.
Did I feel guilty for making a move after Jax and I made the agreement? Sure. Maybe a little. He's my best friend. But as his best friend I also know that he's not willing to settle down. He's not ready and I'm in love with Lennix. So when I felt it was right, I sure as hell made my move.
I can't say that my trip to Cali was purely to help her pack so she wasn't alone. It wasn't. Part of me knew if I waited until she got back, her and Jaxon would find their way to each other and it would end badly.
Neither of them are ready for a commitment, but she's closer to accepting it than he would be and I don't need him getting his dick wet and breaking down all the progress she has made. She looks at us like her best friends with a little something more. It would break her if he treated her like any of the other women he's been with.
I'm protecting them both... or maybe I'm just protecting myself by keeping them apart and keeping her to myself.
Hearing her say she loves me was probably the best feeling in the world and I'll be damned if I let anything happen to take that from me again. I've lost her once before and I'm not losing her again.
I just have to tread carefully when it comes to Lennix.
Lennix opened the door to my condo and walked in like it was her second home. I'm glad she feels so comfortable with us and in our space.
She was bouncing up and down with excitement when she ran through the door calling after Jaxon. I expected it. She missed him probably as much as she missed me. And it hurt her that he wasn't talking to her so much over the last couple of months. She felt like she did something wrong. We had a long talk about it while we were back in Cali. I know she has feelings for him. She doesn't have to say it. They may not be as strong as the ones she has for me, but they are there and I have to accept it.
"Jax!" She jumped into his arms squeezing him tight. He wrapped his arms around her and put his face in her neck enfolded by her long blonde hair.
"Nix, I missed you. How are you?" He asked in a tone that I knew was supposed to be friendly, but it rubbed me the wrong way, especially when I saw her shoulders stiffen.
She backed out of his arms. Her posture went from relaxed to on edge and I knew what was bothering her. He missed her, but not enough to call or text. She has a hard time trusting people, so his words verses actions sound like a lie.
"I missed you too, Jax. And you would know how I am if you texted or called. What's been up with you? Are you ok?" There was hurt in her voice. I don't know if he noticed. I didn't even have to see her face to know it's there. This just pisses me off more. Even if they are just friends I'll never be ok with someone hurting her in any way.
Jax looked uncomfortable looking anywhere but at her. "I'm sorry, Nix. I've just been keeping myself busy. You know. Lots to do."
The dick didn't even have the decency to be honest with her. This just confirms that I'm doing the right thing. If he can't be honest and isn't ready, I won't push him to man up, but I won't wait to have what should be mine. As far as I'm concerned, he's lost his chance with her and I did nothing wrong.
"Oh really? And who's been keeping you so busy you couldn't send a text to check in?"
I had to hold back a laugh. She came out with guns blazing. Though it sounded like a joke, she was calling him out on his shit. She may not talk about emotions much but she's an open book. She will call you on your shit so fast your head will spin. It's one of the things I love about her.
I watched Jaxon just shrug at her before she continued, "One day you are going to fall in love with someone and I don't think they will appreciate all the dirty looks the women of Austin give them." She laughs softly, but there was hurt there. That wasn't her usual happy laugh. It was covering. Sometimes I hate how well I know her. How much I've learned about her.
Jax looked away, but I could see regret written all over his face. I've told him the same shit and never got that reaction from him. Why is it when she says it it's different?
"Well you are here now to scare off all the tail I could get when we hang out." He smiled. "Maybe you can turn me around and make me a respectable man a girl would love to fall for one day." He was using the same tone he used to pick up women in the bar. A suggestive deep tone that seems to get the women in his bed night after night.
Time to knock him down a peg. You step up or you move aside. That was what we said. And that's what I'm doing.
Lennix grabbed a beer looking down.
I walked up behind her running my fingers from her ribs down her stomach and resting on her hip. "So what are we watching?" I asked looking directly in at him. I watched his eyes follow my hand and his jaw twitch. I know I'm pissing him off, but you don't mess with my girl's head like he is. I can't have that.
She leaned back into my chest and it brought back that feeling. Having her wrapped up in me whispering soft little I love yous. I'm probably smiling like an idiot, but I don't care. It was the greatest feeling in the world.
Jax grabbed a beer and downed almost the whole thing before he even answered my question.
When he finally answered it sounded like he was swallowing glass. "Top Gun. It's Nix's favorite movie" He looked at Lennix. She bounced on her toes in excitement. I'm sure she was grinning from ear to ear. His eyes softened looking at her.
I felt a small spark of jealousy rise as I fought to swallow it down. I didn't know her favorite movie. That must have been a conversation they had on their own. What else does he know that I don't? And why didn't I ask such a simple question? That seems like something I would usually ask. It's a stupid thing to be jealous over. He got her favorite pizza, mushroom, spinach, and feta, her favorite beer, and her favorite movie?
Jax locks eyes with me and his expression is blank. His eyes are hard and his voice comes out rough. "but I have something to take care of so I'll be back later." He came up to kiss Lennix on the cheek "sorry Nix. I'll see you tomorrow ok?"
There it was. He sounds broken. I did that. That was my fault.
She nods sadly and he grabs his gear and leaves hollering back over his shoulder, "Y'all have fun."
When the door shut I turned Lennix in my arms staring down into her sad eyes and stroked her cheek.
"He's mad at me for something isn't he?" Her voice sounded so small. It nearly shattered me.
I shook my head, "no, babygirl. He's mad at me."
She nods her head and looks down, "but it's because of me. I know it is."
I stroke my hand against her cheek feeling her lean into my touch. "Lennix, look at me." She looks up and a tear falls. I've never wanted to break Jaxon's jaw more than when I saw that look on her face.
"Jax is dealing with a lot. Don't let his behavior effect your mood. He's not mad at you." I kiss her softly "let's just have some pizza and watch the movie. Try to have a good time ok?" She nods and starts to walk into the living room before turning to face me "can we watch something else? I don't really want to watch Top Gun now."
I raised a brow. She doesn't want to watch her favorite movie? I try to shake off the jealousy that once again decided to try to surface. She wanted to watch that with Jax. Share her favorites with him, but not me?
"Are you sure, babe? He said it's your favorite." I need clarification. I need to calm the fuck down that's what I need to do. I'm acting crazy in my own head.
"I'm sure. It is my favorite, but I'm not in the mood for that now. Can we watch a horror movie? They make me feel better." She offered a small smile.
Add that to the list of things I didn't know about her. When we were kids she hated those movies. She would always curl up in my arms and burry her face in my chest...
I smirk at her knowingly, "you were never really scared when I'd pick a slasher movie were you?"
Her smile brightens. "Not even a little." She turned on her heel and bounced off to the couch.
This girl is something else.
Halfway through the movie it was like when we were kids. Lennix is snuggled up against my chest watching the movie. But unlike when we were kids, she's not looking away from the screen. She's not burying her face in my chest. That is until a jump scare comes and she quickly covers her face and pulls closer into my body.
She's adorable. A stranger would just see a strong young woman who takes no shit. She's covered in tattoos and carries herself like she owns the world, but inside she's still that silly, awkward, caring little girl I fell in love with years ago. Her inner child is forever entangled with mine and it's breathtaking to witness when she allows me to have a peek into that vulnerability.
I kiss the top of her head and she looks back up at me with wide eyes.
"Did you see that?! It came out of nowhere!" She's so fucking cute.
"What I saw was the most beautiful woman in the world snuggle up to me because she was scared of a fictional murderer jumping out of a dark corner." I chuckle watching her blush.
"I wasn't scared!" She crosses her arms and leans away from me.
I'm not having that.
I pulled her closer back to my chest "it's ok baby. I won't let the big bad monsters get you." She laughed and slapped my chest. "You're such a jerk sometimes."
"Never to you, my love." I whisper in her ear.
She tilted her head up towards me. Her lips brushing mine sending shivers down my spine. Her warm minty breath fanning over my skin.
So fucking close.
Her lips part and I close my eyes waiting for their softness to meet mine.
"Always to me." She whispers back. "Now watch the movie. You're distracting me."
She turned away and I can't help but notice the grin on her face when I open my eyes.
She played me well.
I'll get you back for that one babygirl.
When the movie ends she goes to Jax's room. If I said I wasn't a little disappointed it would be a lie. I've enjoyed sleeping in the same bed as her for the last week, but I get it. She needs her space and she still feels the tension between Jaxon and I. She doesn't want to be the cause of any more. I'll have to respect that. So I go to my own room and fall into a deep restless sleep.
How the hell am I going to deal with my best friend and still keep my girl?