10. Call me Helen of Troy
After the movie I went to Jaxon's room in hopes of getting sleep, but my mind was plagued with thoughts that shouldn't be there.
I was on the couch with Zander but I felt like something was missing. I've felt like that the whole week he was with me. I love him. I truly do. I'm happy in his presence, but something always makes my mind drift off to Jax.
Am I in love with Jax? No. I don't know him well enough to make that claim, but I am attached to him and knowing he is angry because of me hurts.
I try to put on a brave face. I don't want to be one of those girls always going off with my feelings. I've kept them in check pretty well throughout high school and my adult life.
Usually if someone is upset with me I can shrug it off unless it's family but the idea of Jax or Zander upset just feels wrong. Maybe because they are my best friends.
Ok, I don't know if Zander really fits in that category anymore. We've slept together several times in my old place and I definitely told him I love him. If I weren't so afraid of getting hurt and ruining their friendship, I'd be willing to give him and I a shot, but then I'm wildly attracted to Jax and it's not just how he looks. It's everything. His smile, his laugh, his jokes, the way he makes me feel like I'm a goddess.
It's close to how Zander makes me feel but it's different. Where Zander makes me feel protected and calm, Jax makes me feel wild and free. Where there are sparks with Zander, I feel hot all over with Jax. Where one makes me feel loved and cherished, the other makes me feel longed for and desired.
But let's face it, Jax desires everyone. Why am I stuck on him so bad? He left my first night back probably to get some ass from another random hook up.
That thought hurts. Not that he would be out sleeping with someone, but that he chose getting some strange over hanging out with me after I was gone for so long.
He said he missed me.
I knew it was a lie and if there's one thing I hate it's when people lie to me. It opens up old wounds that feel like they are letting my soul bleed out.
My ex didn't think I was worth the truth either. Vance was a senior when I was a freshman. His dorm was across the hall from mine and we hit it off right away.
Things were perfect until he left. Then I found out he was seeing someone else and didn't even have the decency to break up with me in person.
I FaceTime called him when he was late calling me one night and a woman answered his phone. She was beautiful. Of course she was. She turned the phone showing me he was sleeping when I asked where he was. She didn't even bother asking who I was. It was almost like she didn't care.
When I told my roommate what happened she wasn't surprised at all and told me he was cheating on me the whole time we were together. Sleeping with girls all over campus. My trust wasn't just broken. It was dust with no way to repair.
I lay in Jax's bed snuggled up to his pillow and choke on quiet sobs while I cry into the pillow. Fresh waves of hurt for years old scars. Vance wasn't worth my tears, but these weren't for him. They were for me. For the broken little girl who believes in the lies of wolves in Prince Charming's clothing. Vance wasn't the first and he sure as hell won't be the last. Especially if I'm right about where Jax went tonight.
I woke up wrapped in strong arms protectively holding me against thick, tight muscles.
I didn't want to open my eyes. This felt too good. But then I remember that I fell asleep alone in Jax's bed and my eyes snap open with a quickness.
A sleeping beautiful Jax is holding me with a look on his face as if he is holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. His hair is a mess and he smells like he fucked a bar. Gross.
I try the pull out of his arms, but they tighten around me. Securing me to his body.
"Jax" I whisper. "Jaxon." He doesn't move. Not even a twitch in his facial muscles. I try to roll out of his arms again, but again they tighten around me.
Ugh this is going to be a long day if I can't get out of this bed.
"Jaxon!" Still nothing.
I roll my eyes. This is ridiculous.
I throw one leg over his body hoping that maybe if I'm closer to his hands I can break out of his hold. But my plan is trashed when I'm laying on him straddling his hips and he opens his eyes. His morning wood pressed hard against my core.
"Well good morning, princess." His voice is thick with sleep and it has a sexy pull to it.
"Jax." I bite my lower lip to suppress the sounds that may escape feeling his hardness against me.
His hands run over my ass skidding the t-shirt up from my thighs as a soft hiss leaves his lips.
"Have I ever told you how sexy you look in my t-shirts?" He asks with a smirk playing on his lips.
I push myself up so I'm sitting up on him.
His hands rest on my hips holding me to his "I could get used to this." He rocked his hips up softly. Teasing me.
"Jax" it came out more of a sigh than a statement. "I'm trying to get up" I admonish to the best of my ability under the circumstances.
"Well you already have me up, princess." He bites his lower lip with a groan.
Why the fuck is he so sexy?!
No, Lennix! No! You are mad at him for being mad at you and lying and leaving on your first night back!
Get your shit together!
"Let me up, Jaxon." He removed his hands at once. A look of hurt passing his expression for only a brief moment.
I went into his bathroom to relieve myself, brush my teeth, and throw my hair into a ponytail. When I came back he was sitting up in his bed tapping away on his phone.
"We need to grab breakfast and leave soon." I told him in a flat tone walking out of his room.
"Nix!" He called after me. I heard him stumble getting out of bed and chasing after me.
We made it to the kitchen almost at the same time where Zander was making coffee and eggs were frying on the stove.
Zander took in the look of us. Kissing my cheek before turning his attention to a nearly naked Jaxon.
"Hey, man. When did you get in? I didn't see you on the couch this morning." His brow was raised and his voice was a challenge for Jax to say something out of pocket.
Apparently Jax decided he was up for the banter this morning because a slow smirk crossed his lips before he opened his mouth to be stupid.
"I came in late and slept with Lennix." The twinkle in his eyes couldn't be overlooked, neither could the flash of anger in Zander's.
"Come again?" Zander's voice dipped to a deathly quiet.
"That's what she said... wait no, that's what I say." Jax was full on smiling now.
What the fuck is wrong with these guys? Can't we have one damn meal where they aren't trying to piss on everything?
Zander's jaw twitched and Jax was clearly enjoying this reaction.
I came between them holding my hands up against each of their chests "can y'all knock it off?" I shouted gaining their attention. "Zander, we slept. He got in late drunk and probably didn't even remember I was in town. Knock it off." I turned to Jax "Jaxon, why are you trying to get a rise out of him this morning? You are the one who left last night. Don't go pissing people off for the fuck of it. What the hell?!"
I dropped my hands when they both look like scolded children. "I'm sorry I came here last night. You don't have to help me move today or any day. I'll be out of here in ten minutes tops. I'm going to get dressed and go. I never wanted to be the reason you guys fought. I'm sorry." I walked off back to Jax's room to grab my clothes out of my over night bag. Still hearing them go back and forth about who's fault it is that I'm upset and leaving.
Just call me Helen of Troy because I'm destroying lives here y'all.