11. It’s not the end, but it’s not the same
"You just couldn't help yourself could you Jaxon? You had to fuck with me. Now she's upset with us both and upset with herself. Making her cry last night because you were too much of a coward to deal with it wasn't enough?"
He's been going on and on like this since Lennix walked out this morning. I should be helping my princess move in to her new place, but no. I'm here listening to him bitch me out.
"When are you going to grow the fuck up and stop being such a selfish, childish ass-"
I cut him off.
"What about you?" I shot back. "You go to California to do what Zander? You wanna talk about being selfish? Was it really just to help her pack? Are you sure you didn't just go to 'get your girl'? You didn't give a shit about our deal. I know for a fact you got exactly what you wanted while you were with her. I also know she never would have made the first move. That's not her and you know it." I shouted back.
"What the hell would you know Jaxon? You think you know her so well because you know her favorite movie and food? Big fucking deal man! You. don't. know. her!" Zander is getting more frustrated by the second but I no longer give a shit.
"I know because we've talked about it, ok?!" I yell before catching myself. I repeat in a quieter tone, "we've talked about it." It came out more as a growl and I look down unable to look him in the eyes. I'm pissed that he's putting all of this on me when he clearly broke our deal first.
"What do you mean you've talked about it?" He asked incredulously.
"Exactly what I said. She got back to her apartment from a party one night, she sounded drunk, but she called me... not you Zander! Me! and we stayed up talking until she fell asleep." I blew out a breath trying to calm myself "she said she never knows if either of us are being serious or just being playful flirts. So she would never make the first move for fear that she would fuck up a perfectly good friendship. She also didn't want either of us to feel like she didn't care about them." I shook my head smiling sadly remembering the conversation. "I almost spilled my guts to her that night, but then I remembered the night she spent here how she didn't remember anything after and I didn't want to say it only for her to forget it again." I looked back at his stunned expression. "So I know what you did Zander. You can't lie to me. You didn't just take your shot, you stole mine." I glared at his hurt expression.
I went to walk off to my room before this escalates more, but he stopped me. Blocking my path.
"You don't know what you're talking about and it's not like you were ever going to make your move anyway. You don't have it in you to commit and she's not going to be another fuck and dump, Jaxon!" He glared at me.
I clench my teeth together trying hard not to swing on my best friend. "What do you think last night was supposed to be?" Seeing him falter just a little made me smirk "I was playing by our rules, Zander. Showing her that I listen. That I care. I didn't have to take advantage of her or the situation, be alone with her to shoot my shot. I was doing it right in clear view. But you..." I scoff "That was a dick move and you know it."
Obviously, it was also a dick move to tell him he was taking advantage of the situation or her because Zander who's usually the calm one of the two of us hit me with a mean right hook to my jaw.
"Fuck you, Jaxon!" He spat turning towards his room and slamming the door.
Yeah, fuck you too, buddy.
A week passed before either of us even bothered to speak to each other. Our lease is up in the next month so it kind of forced our hand.
"I'm moving out." I tell him flatly. "I need to be on my own and this isn't working anymore"
Zander just nods before he responds. "I was thinking the same. Maybe having our own space will give us the time to calm down we need."
We've been together since freshman year of high school. Always hanging out never a day we didn't see each other. He truly is like my brother.
"So it's settled?" He stood up from the couch. "Neither of us are staying here. We let the lease run out and find our own places?"
I nod "yeah. I think that's for the best."
I went to walk off to my room to start my hunt for a new place when he stopped me.
"I'm sorry man. I shouldn't have hit you. I just kinda lost it when you insinuated that I took advantage of Lennix." He looked ashamed of his actions.
I gave him a smirk "don't worry about it. You hit like a girl anyway."
He chuckled "so wings and beer tonight? Then we can start looking for our own places tomorrow?"
"Yeah. That sounds good." I pause looking back at him "I'm sorry for what I said too. I know you wouldn't take advantage of her. I was just pissed off that you had the balls to do it before I did."
"All good, but I meant what I said, Jax." He gave me a look. "She won't be one of those other girls you mess with. She has feelings for us both. It would kill her if you treated her like that and I won't have anyone hurting her. So be sure of what you want before you shoot your shot."
I shake my head. "That's assuming she wants anything to do with either of us after how we were last week. I haven't even heard from her since she left."
"Have you even tried reaching out?" He asked with a raised brow.
"No. When she needs space I give her space and it seemed a lot like she needed that when she told us not to come over to help her."
He chuckled shaking his head. "For a guy who knows all about women you can be really dumb sometimes."
I glared "what's that supposed to mean?"
Zander put his hands up in innocence "it means you may know all about how to get a woman into your bed, but nothing about communication and reading them."
He waited for me to relax before continuing.
"Lennix won't come out and tell anyone she needs them. She won't ask anyone for their time, because she knows if they want to be there they will be. She knows her worth. She was hurt and she felt like she was to blame for us fighting. We both know that. So she removed herself from the equation. That doesn't mean she doesn't care about or miss us. It means she's being selfless like she always is. She's always been like that. No matter what changes you know about, I know her at her baser instinct. She's selfless to a fault." With that he turned to grab his keys. "I'm going out to grab the beer and wings. Be back in a bit."
I just keep fucking this up don't I?
I grab my phone and send off a text.
Jaxon: Hey, Nix.
Jaxon: Do you maybe want to come over to talk?
Nix: Since when do you ever want to just talk to a girl? Is the Austin fishin' hole coming up short for your latest hook up?
Jaxon: Haha very funny. I mean it, Nix. I miss you and I'm sorry. Come over? We can hang out like before?
Nix: Will Zander be there?
I take a deep breath.
Jaxon: Yeah. We have some news to tell you anyway so... what do ya say?
Nix: Sure, but if y'all fight I'm not coming over anymore. I can't do that again. Got it?
Jaxon: Got it, Princess. See you soon.
Now there's nothing to do, but wait... and clean. We let this place go to hell over the last week since neither of us wanted to be around the other long enough to actually clean up after ourselves.
Hopefully this goes well. I don't think she will keep giving me chances if I keep messing it up every time and Zander sure as hell won't if I hurt her again.
I don't blame him. I feel like shit remembering that look on her face when she left. I didn't really want to start a fight. I just wanted to get under Zander's skin like he did to me when he had his hands on her body in front of me, but we need to set all that shit aside if either of us wants a chance with Lennix.
She really is a princess. I'd do anything for that girl. I'd move mountains if she only asked, but all she is asking is that we don't fight. I can make that happen. Let's hope Zander feels the same.