17. With words the world came crashing down
I was on my way home from the office when I got her call.
"Zander?" She sounds like she's been crying. She's supposed to be out with Jaxon. What the hell happened?
"What's wrong, babygirl?"
"It's stupid. It's nothing really, but can you... can you come get me from the park please?" She sounds so down, but I know better than to push her when she's upset. She will tell me when she's ready.
"Of course, baby. I'm just a few minutes out. I'll see you soon." I reassure her before hanging up.
Whatever happened, Jax has some explaining to do. I've already warned him about hurting her again. If he did something stupid he's going to wish he only had to deal with Lennix.
I pulled up to the park to see my gorgeous standing with her make up lightly smeared. It could be from the heat, but the bloodshot eyes tell a different story.
As soon as she's in the car I pull her into my lap to hug her close.
"Shhh baby I'm here. I've got you." I tried to sooth her as she quietly sobbed into my shirt. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask stroking her back.
She shakes her head "maybe later. I just want to go to sleep. Can I stay with you tonight?"
She went to bed as soon as we walked through the door. She stripped down to her bra and panties and just slipped under the sheets falling asleep right away.
I wanted to ask what happened, but the thing with Lennix is, if you push her too much she not only shuts down she shuts you out too.
Seeing her like this just makes my blood boil more.
Zander: Mind explaining why she called me to pick her up?
Jax: I fucked up man.
I heard Lennix shift in my bed. I wanted to cuddle with her and make it all better. Whatever it was it could wait. She needs me.
Zander: I think that's an understatement, but we'll talk about this later.
Jax: Did you take her home?
Zander: No. She was upset. I took her to my place.
Jax: Do you think she will talk to me if I come over?
Not at all. She didn't even want to talk to me about it. If she saw him she would either cry or shut down. There's no middle ground when it comes to her being hurt and she very rarely will yell at someone when she's upset.
Zander: She's asleep right now. Give her the night.
I know full well if it's bad enough to make her cry it will take longer than a day, but telling Jaxon that will only have him here as soon as he reads the text.
I went back to my room to lay with her when her soft voice greeted me. "Zander?"
I pull her closer to me and kiss the back of her head "yeah baby?"
"Why do you love me?" Her voice was almost a whisper. That sound alone could break any man's heart.
I roll her over in my arms so I can look down into her beautiful eyes. "What kind of question is that?" I ask softly baffled that she clearly doesn't see what I see in her.
She shrugs. "Just a question."
I wouldn't go as far as to say Lennix is insecure. She knows she is attractive in a way that is confident, not cocky. She knows she is loved by her family so she's not broken in a way that she thinks she's unlovable. No. What her issue is is that she's had so many relationships where the other person only wanted her for selfish reasons. Physical, money, etc. add that to the fact that her only real relationship before me was with a serial cheater and liar and you get a need for validating why you lover her.
I kiss her softly. Feeling her relax into the pillow. "Lennix I love you because you are selfless and kind. You are the most caring person I know. Beautiful on the inside and out. Your brighten up my day and you make everyone around you happier just by being you." I lean down to kiss her again, but she stops me.
"What if I'm not?" She asks quietly against my lips. "What if I'm not as kind or selfless as you think I am? What if my insides aren't as beautiful as you think they are?" A tear rolls down her cheek and I chase it with my thumb wiping it away.
"That's not possible, my love." She bites her bottom lip and I can't fight the urge to take that lip between my own teeth and kiss her softly.
We lay there exchanging gentle kisses for what feels like hours. "I really love you, Zander."
I smile against her lips "I love you too, Lennix. More than you'll ever know."
I'm woken up to a banging on the door.
Lennix is still sleeping in my arms.
I ease out of bed to go answer it.
"Jesus Christ Jaxon. Do you know what time it is?" I look him over. His clothes are wrinkled, his hair a mess, he has tired circles under his eyes. "Did you not sleep at all? You look like shit."
His hands scrub over his face "no. I couldn't sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up. Is she still here?"
I raise a brow "yeah, but she's sleeping. If you be quiet you can come in." With a short nod I lead him into my living room.
"So care to tell me what happened?" I ask as soon as we sit on the couch not bothering to hide the disappointment and slight anger in my voice.
His hands run through his hair. Something he does when he's frustrated. "I don't know man. We were dancing having fun." His eyes held a spark but it's gone before I can question it. "We almost kissed and then Amy showed up."
"Amy?" I can't believe what I'm hearing. I mean, I can. Jax has hooked up with women all over town, but she is by far the worst. The few times I met her she was a rude little narcissist and she let any woman she met know that she was once on Jaxon's dick.
"She pulled her typical shit and Lennix got upset and left. I didn't do anything Zan, but maybe that was the problem. I just don't know anymore." He closed his eyes before he met mine "I love Lennix. I want to be with her, but every time I try something fucks it all up."
I heard every word he just said but I'm stuck on the one phrase. "You love her? You said it out loud. I'm proud of you." I smile at him while he looks at me like I have 3 heads.
"Is that all you fucking heard man?! Zan, I'm going crazy here!"
"Zander?" Lennix walks out of my room still just in her bra and panties rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and freezes once she sees Jax.
Her cheeks heat as they redden and she makes a run back to my room mumbling something about getting clothes on.
"Fuck!" Jax throws himself back into the couch, his arms over his face and I can't help but laugh.
Just to fuck with him I lean on my elbows closer to him "if you think that's good, you should see her naked." I'm usually a gentleman and wouldn't talk to anyone else about her like this, but I know it gets to Jaxon and I can't help, but mess with him a little. "The way her breath catches when I-"
"DAMN IT ZANDER SHUT UP!" He yells at me obviously trying to shake the images from his head.
Lennix walks back out of my room in some short cotton shorts and my t-shirt. Her hair in a messy bun. She looks beautiful in anything, but I really love seeing her like this.
Jax grabs a pillow from the couch and places it on his lap.
She sits on the armrest next to me. "So, what are we up to today boys?"
"We could go-"
"I'm sorry about last night, Nix. I didn't know she would be there." Jax said quietly.
He shouldn't bring things up like this. When she's ready she will say something. If she's ignoring it it's best to let it go for now.
Lennix just shrugs "You can't keep track of ALL the women you've been with, right? and it's not like you're my boyfriend or anything. I'm just your friend. I shouldn't have gotten upset. I'm sorry Jax. I don't know what came over me." She speaks so calmly that I almost missed the jabs she threw in there.
I'm at a loss looking between the two of them. They take a step closer to admitting what they feel only to take two steps back. Both holding some level of hurt.
Unlike Lennix though, when Jax is hurt, stupid comes out.
A smirk graces his face, but doesn't meet his eyes.
"Jax, don-" I start only to be cut off.
"So you just almost kiss all of your friends now?"
God damn he's an idiot!
Lennix looks at me with wide eyes and looks back to Jax. "Apparently, only the friends who are dicks." Her voice is a deadly quiet.
She stands ready to walk out.
Shit Jax just shut up!
"Ok I think-"
Jax steps closer to Lennix. "That's right princess. I'm a dick." He flashed a cocky smile "the biggest actually. I never said anything different. I don't claim to be anything I'm not, but that never stopped you from wanting me. Oh but we're just friends right?"
Lennix steps right up to him. I've never seen her so angry. "When did I ever give you the impression I wanted you? You're delusional!" She shouted.
I move to step between the two when Lennix holds her arm out to stop me.
"Right. I'm delusional. I was delusional the first night I met you? With those pouty little lips begging me for attention. I was delusional every time we're close? Every time you've slept in my bed and snuggled into me with that soft little purr you do in your sleep. The way you look at me. I'm imagining shit all on my fucking own thinking there's something here?" Jax moves a stray strand of her hair behind her ear with a callous grin on his face. "I don't think I'm imaging shit, princess and you know it."
"Fuck you, Jaxon!" Lennix growled out in his face slapping his hand away.
"Oh I'd take you up on that any fucking day, princess. Just say the damn word! I'll have you bent over so quick you'll forget your own fucking name." He purposely bit his lip in a lewd manner and groaned. He's trying to piss her off.
"You're such a fucking dog! I can't believe we were ever friends!" She glares.
Jax leans closer to her face "woof, princess" and winks licking his lips.
"I think that's enough!" I shout out between the two of them.
"You're right." Lennix said quietly. "I'm sorry, Zander. I'm going to head home. If you want, we can talk later. If you don't, I understand. I am so very very sorry." She kissed my cheek before grabbing her phone and keys and walking out.
"Are you a special kind of stupid?" I asked in a flat tone.
"I don't need this shit right now." He mumbles.
"Oh the hell you don't!" I yell "why would you say that shit to her?"
His hands scrub over his face as he sinks down to the floor. "I was hurt and angry. I didn't mean it. I mean, I did, but I didn't." He looks down ashamed.
"And you think she wasn't? You think she meant everything she said?" He looks up to me as I continue. "You two have way more in common than you think, Jax. The difference is, it takes a lot more to get her to that point than it does for you."
"FUCK!" He runs his hands through his hair. "I fucking blew it! Shit!"
"I'm not sugar coating shit for you, man. You probably did. I haven't seen her that angry since I tried to braid her hair when we were kids like we saw in a romcom and ended up tangling it so bad she had to get 6 inches chopped off." I sigh laughing to myself "her hair was fucking precious to her."
"Zan dont make jokes man!" He groaned.
"I'm not. She didn't talk to me for weeks." I was serious. She gave me the silent treatment hard.
"What the fuck am I going to do?" He asked clearly worried.
"All you can do now is give her space." I told him.
He looked to me like I was crazy "last time I tried to give her space it was a mistake."
I shook my head. "That was different. She wasn't actually angry at either of us then. She thought she was coming between us. This time, she's struggling with her own feelings, hurt, and angry with what you said. Give her space Jax."
I look him in the eyes "I'm not playing. I'm warning you. Give her space or you won't even be friend zoned. She will cut you off completely. That's how she is."
He swallows hard. "How long?"
I sigh pinching the bridge of my nose, "as long as it takes man."