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I’ve been out with both Trey and Mitchell a few times now, and my connection with each of them is continually growing. They each bring something different to our relationship, both so unique yet similar at the same time. It has been an amazing contradiction I’m really enjoying exploring.

With Mitchell, he likes to always be touching me. Holding my hand, arm around my waist, kisses on my cheek. Very tender and endearing – romantic. When we’re in bed, I feel worshipped, his eyes unable to hide his desire for me. He is in tune to my needs at all times – in bed and out. If I read a sad book for work, he knows just by the sound of my voice over the phone and will bring me ice cream. If I need him – whether my hands on his body or his on mine, he knows by the look in my eyes. And Jesus, in bed – Mitchell’s touch… tender, almost as if he’s afraid to hurt me… so amazing. I’ve never been with a man so connected to me before, and it is absolutely incredible.

Trey is quite different, not surprisingly. He also likes to be touching me whenever he is around, but he is far more possessive than Mitchell. His arms go around my shoulders, or his hand on my ass. Far more sexual, more ‘ownership’. I feel constantly on edge when I’m with Trey – but not in a negative way. Stimulated and aroused at all times is the way he likes me, ready to comply or crumble at his slightest touch. He isn’t tender like Mitchell, his touch far more aggressive, sometimes almost painful. But he never pushes me past my comfort level, and the experimenting we’ve done so far has been fucking insane. That’s just Trey the lover. Trey the ‘boyfriend’ is more of the same, except usually with clothes on. Usually. He is very attentive and demanding – but he gives as good as he takes.

Between the two wonderful men in my life, I’ve been extremely happy. Work is good – the promotion keeps me busier than I had expected but I love it. I have only spoken to Jeff twice since I threw him and the other three out so many weeks ago, and I miss him. He may be an asshole, but he’s my brother. It’ll likely be awhile before our fences are mended though, since he flipped out when he learned I was dating not one, but two firefighters. Prick. Why must men be so dumb sometimes?

Today is my day though – no men allowed. I really need to get some work done, and I’m out of clean underwear so laundry is a must. The boys are off work today but are keeping busy with their own tasks. Hopefully hanging out together – I don’t think things have been all that good between them lately. Whenever I ask either about it, they reassure me everything is good. Neither of them is good at lying.

I’m worried about our future if I’m totally honest with myself. I’m in love with both of them. One hundred percent. How do I deal with this now? I honestly never foresaw falling in love with them as a realistic possibility when this all started. I figured we’d date, have some amazing sex and then go our separate ways. That’s how every other relationship in my past has ever gone. But no, I have to fall in love with not one incredible man – but two. And they’re best friends. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this, and I know what I want – the question is, will they be on board?

When the door buzzer goes off, I’m not surprised that it is one of them. I should have known that I wouldn’t get an entire day to myself, not that I’m complaining. I’ve gotten so used to having one of them around all of them time, I would rather not be alone anymore. Fucking pathetic. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. The independent woman I used to be, should kick my ass.

Mitchell is holding a small bouquet of flowers, which I’m happily take after he greets me with a warm hug and kiss. ‘Puddin’ is quick to greet him as well, as she loves both of her ‘daddies’.

“Miss me already, hmmm?” I smirk, putting the flowers in water. I just saw him yesterday, but I’m happy to see him too.

“Always,” he smiles. Damn, I’m never going to get used to that. Fucking wet panties already. “I know you have things to get done – I just figured you could work; I could do chores then you’d be done that much faster. Then I’d like to take you for dinner, and then…” he trails off, waggling his eyebrows mischievously.

I’m kissing him my agreement when the door buzzer goes off again. Like I even have to guess who it is. Minutes later, Trey is entering my place.

“Hello beautiful,” he growls, kissing me passionately. Jesus, these two. Wow. But the smile disappears from his face when he sees that Mitchell is already here. What? “Hey.”

“Hey,” Mitchell grunts back to him. What the hell is going on?

“Is something wrong guys?” The tension in the room is growing exponentially, and I don’t like it. I can see everything good in my life teetering on the edge of the cliff, and the wind is blowing the wrong way. Fuck. “Mitchell?” He just shrugs and looks away. I don’t think so. “Trey?” He doesn’t even answer me, just continues to glare at Mitchell. Fuck this shit.

“What the hell is going on here? Somebody answer me!” If they think they’re pissed – they haven’t seen anything yet. Neither of them responds. I stomp my foot. “Either answer my question or get the fuck out.” There we go, now they’re looking at me.

“Why is he here, Jenna?” Mitchell sneers at me. I’ve never heard his voice in this tone, and certainly not when he’s speaking with me. I know one thing for sure, I don’t like it and I really don’t appreciate it.

“I think the better question is, why are you here, Mitch?” Trey’s voice is just as nasty. Their body language is off the charts too – are they really thinking about hitting one another?

“I think the correct question is why are either of you here? I told you I had work to do today.” If they’re both going to be assholes – then I don’t want either of them here right now. I do have better shit to do than watch them sniff each other’s asses and mark their territories. Mitchell puts his arm around my waist, before answering.

“I’m going to help her do her tasks, and then we’re going out. What’s it to you?” Mitchell’s belligerent tone sends Trey’s anger sky high, and they’re now standing practically chest to chest, with me in the middle. This is fun.

“Well you can go now. I’ve got her looked after. She’s in good hands,” Trey smirks, and he pulls me into his embrace instead. Oh shit, this is getting worst by the second. When I was younger, I used to think having two men fight over me would be so awesome. Turns out it isn’t. I feel like a chew toy being torn between two rutting dogs, and none of it is fun or sexy.

“Fuck you, Trey.” Mitchell snaps, and pulls me back.

“Fuck you, Mitch.” Back into Trey’s arms, and he gives Mitchell’s chest a push for good measure too. It is obvious that I’m no longer ‘Jenna’ to them, and that they’ve lost the plot somewhere here. As far as I’m concerned, this game is over. This whole thing is over. I will not be a possession – and that is exactly how I feel. Fuck that.

It takes far more effort than it should be remove myself from their greedy grasps, which only infuriates me more. I walk to my door and open it, and when I turn back, they’re both still standing where I left them, glaring at each other. They haven’t even noticed I’ve left. Unbelievable.

“Mitchell?” He finally looks. “Trey?” As does he. I point towards the open door. “Get out. Both of you.” Neither moves, instead they look shocked. “I told you that when this-“ I motion between the three of us, “stops working for anyone, it stops working for everyone.” I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks because I don’t want them to leave. I love them! But I’m putting me first, and I refuse to be the Yoko Ono of their friendship. They are now both standing in front of me, talking over one another trying to convince me otherwise. They don’t get it.

“No! I don’t want to hear anything more!” I’m fairly hysterical at this point, I’m sure. Damn. “You two are such stupid assholes! Why did you have to ruin everything?!” I feel an arm go around my shoulder, but I shrug it off. “Don’t touch me! Goddamnit! You ruined it! We could have had it all and you ruined it!” I can’t see anything worth a damn anymore, my eyes are so full of tears. “Please… just go. I can’t do this anymore.”

Somewhere in the distance, I hear both of their voices begging me to not do this. To let them stay. To work it out. That they love me. That they’re sorry. Every word hurts more because it is only prolonging the inevitable. I should have known better. I wanted to be a ‘throuple’ with both of them – to live and share forever with both of them in all ways, including sex. I was going to propose it. We could have lived together, raised a family together… it would have been so amazing. But I guess three people means three times the emotions, including jealousy. My dream is dead in the water before it even had a chance to float.

“Please…just go. And I’m asking you to never come back.” I push them both out the door, and close it behind them. My heart shatters into a million pieces and I collapse against the door, falling to the floor.

I cry for the best thing I’ve ever lost.

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