JENNA, MAKING DEALS
Mitchell remains in his vegetative state, and all any of us can do is spend our fifteen minutes every four hours with him. Ever since my ‘dream’ of us three growing old together was revealed, Trey has been avoiding me. It is a huge moment in any relationship, talking about growing old together, children, grandchildren. But I’m not only making this vow to Mitchell, I’m making it to Trey as well. I’m asking them to commit to me. But I just threw it out there with no warning, and I think it was too much for him. I hoped at first, he just needed the time and space to think about it, but as the days pass, I am growing less optimistic. It wasn’t that long ago I was having amazing sex with these two men, and now look where we are. I didn’t know it was possible for three people to fuck things as badly as we have. Another reason why Mitchell needs to wake up – so we can fix that. If we can.
“Hey baby, how are you feeling today?” I kiss Mitchell’s forehead as I greet him, but he remains quiet. There are less tubes now, fewer machines. His body is healing very well, with the exception of the burns. Those will require a lot more time and attention. The time in the coma is proving to be beneficial by giving him the time his body needs to heal. But I would love for him to open his eyes… for those chocolate brown eyes to meet mine again. I miss him.
“Mitchell, I need you to hear my voice love. Block everything else and focus on me, please,” his hand is in mine. I will beg and plead if I have to. “It is time for you to come back now. Wherever you’re resting, please come back to us. Your Mom and Dad are here, your sisters are here. Trey is here. I am here.” Nothing. Not a twitch, or a beep on a machine. No sign he hears anything I’m saying.
“Mitchell, I love you. I want you to remember that. I think we could have had something incredible, something so special… Our love is,” damn – I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I should have known better. Only one way this could have been worst. Dear God, I can’t even think about that.
“But baby, I won’t be coming back to visit anymore. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love you and Trey too much. Trey won’t come when I’m here and Mitchell – he needs you as much as you need him right now. Please wake up, and when you do – remember that you can lean on him. Trey is your best friend. I love you Mitchell.” I have to get out of here. The horribly selfish thought of ‘thank Christ Mitchell can’t respond’ goes through my head, because that would only make this more painful. I’m already dying inside, but I should have known better. Nothing has changed – how could it? The three of us didn’t work before, and my love for both of them isn’t going to magically make everything better. Mitchell needs to wake up and hopefully, with time, he and Trey will re-forge their friendship. At this time, that’s all I can ask for. Beg for. Pray for. Make deals with the Devil for. Let Mitchell wake up and I’ll never eat chocolate again. Let Mitchell wake up and I’ll find Puddin’ a new home. No. I can’t do that. I’ll… submit a piece of my own writing to my publisher. I’ll finally do it. But Mitchell needs to wake up.
Please Mitchell. Wake up.