NO GOODBYE IS HAPPY
JENNA, NO GOODBYE IS HAPPY
I can tell that Trey has been crying when I let him in. Oh no. Oh God. Oh no. Mitchell is… Oh no. This can’t be happening. Please don’t let this be real. With his hands wrapped around my arms, Trey calms me down.
“Jesus you get worked up over things without even knowing what the fuck is going on.” The look he’s giving me is odd. Like he isn’t sure if he thinks it’s cute, or really irritating. Then he smiles. What is happening?
“Jenna, baby. Mitch woke up.” It’s a good thing he’s holding me because that’s the only thing keeping me off the floor. Mitchell is awake. “I don’t know if we’ll get to see him but get your stuff because we need to go.” Yes. Yes, we do. I need to go. We need to go. We need to be there for our partner. That’s what I wish was happening right now. Not… whatever is happening. But I’ll take it. As long as it means Mitchell survives.
Trey holds my hand on the drive over, and on the way up to Mitchell’s room. I need the strength he provides – I’m anxious about seeing Mitchell. If I even get to see him. Will he want to see me? And even if we do, it may not go well. We left on poor terms and he has no reason to believe otherwise.
Mitchell’s parents, Gary and Michelle are beside themselves with excitement. Both are on their phones calling relatives and friends with the great news. Gary quickly ends his call, and hugs both Trey and I. Their son is awake, I can’t even begin to imagine their joy.
“Trey, Mitch was asking for you.” He’s awake, and he’s talking. What a tremendous relief. My heart feels like bursting with happiness. Trey turns to go into the room, and I head towards the waiting room. “Jenna, honey? Mitch wanted to see you too sweetie,” he smiles. Ahhhhh Capt. Black if you only knew what was going on here. “He wants to see both of you. Together.” Oh. Never mind. Going by the smirk he’s giving Trey and I; he might have a better idea than I thought. Hmph. Someone’s been blabbing. Fucking Trey. God, I love him.
Mitchell is sleeping when we enter, so we both take chairs and wait quietly. Neither of us speak, not wanting to disturb him. The difference in Mitchell’s body language, and even how his rested face lays now versus before is remarkable. I can’t wait to see those brown eyes again. I miss them. Even if today is the last time, I’ll go happily knowing he’s going to be alright. Ok, not happily. But relieved.
The minutes tick by very slowly. Before long, it’s an hour and Mitchell hasn’t moved. I’m ready to leap out of my own skin, so I move to the window to watch the craziness below. My entire future is about to be decided and it is taking a lot of effort to not freak out. As long as Mitchell is up to it when he wakes up the conversation the three of us have is going to decide it all. I’m fucking terrified. It’ll be good to know, one way or another. Neither of them knows I listed my condo after we split, and it is almost time to move. I did it because my job gives me the freedom to live almost anywhere, and I knew staying here wasn’t an option. Not without them. I’m not looking forward to moving in with Jeremy at the start of next month, because the damn place sold so fast.
Even if Mitchell is interested in pursuing this relationship, it is clear that Trey isn’t. And that makes the decision easy for everyone. So as much as I look forward to speaking with Mitchell again, I’m also dreadfully afraid it is going to be for the last time. Trey and Mitchell’s friendship first. Period. I won’t entertain any arguments to the contrary.
“Jenna…” tickles and shivers down my spine as he whispers my name. Mitchell. Even if he were injured beyond recognition, as long as I could see his eyes – I would know him anywhere. Dark brown with flecks of gold – uniquely Mitchell. I kiss him gently and hold his hand. I also send a silent prayer skyward, saying thank you for letting us keep him longer. “I’m sorry Jenna…”
“Me too Mitchell. The past is the past now. Ok? I promise if you do.” I don’t want to waste energy hating him, or Trey. Or being angry. Or resentful. I know I’m going to be loving them from afar and that’s surely going to keep me busy. Fuck me long.
“I love you Jenna… I want the same future with you and Trey…” He. Wants. The. Same. Thing. Ohmygodthisisthemostamazingthingever! Or it could be. Trey. It’s not fair to put it all on his shoulders, but there it lays anyways. I didn’t dream that Mitchell would be onboard! But I know Trey isn’t, so it doesn’t matter. So close and yet so horribly fucking far. The fact that Trey is just watching us and not saying a word does not bode well. I give Mitchell another kiss.
“I’m going to give you and Trey some time together,” his grip on my hand grows tighter. “I’ll come back soon,” I hope. No, I definitely will. Even if only to say goodbye. Mitchell is reluctant to release his hold on me, but when I do work free, I immediately make for the door. I blow him a kiss, and a final glance confirms Trey is ignoring me completely.
The next time I come will be the last time.