It’s not love
I love you Lee.
No! This is a dream no fucking way did he seriously just say that to me. He doesn't love me. No one ever loved me, except Nick and Sofia. I pull my face away from him needing to put some distance between us. "No Gage stop. You fucking love my mom"
"I fucking told you, that wasn't loved. I was cling on to something and she became it. I didn't know her. Not like I know you." He says. Pleading with his eyes for me to believe his words. This isn't real, his mom passed and I was there for him. He's clinging on to me because I was his crutch.
"Enough Gage your mom just past away you're vulnerable. You don't love me you're just clinging to me. When my mom calls you'll be right back at her side." I bite out pushing off of him. He grabs my arms and in one swift moment he's on top of me. His longer strands of hair falling around my face as he hovers above me. I begin to panic when I realized he had my arms pinned on either side of my head. "Gage, please, please" I cry in fear as I expect to feel him harden at my thigh but he speaks instead. I begin thrashing and continue through his speech.
"I'm not going to fucking hurt you." He growls. His mouth says one thing, but his body pinning mine down sings another tune. "I know what the fuck I'm saying Lyda. I get you have trust issues, I get it! I'm not expecting you to say it back. I'm not expecting anything. I'm just telling you."
"Stop!" I yell. He lifts me and slams me back down causing my body to freeze up.
"YOU'RE A GOT DAMN BRAT." He yells. Before I can start trashing he removes his hold on my arms and brings his hands to cup my face. Not giving me a chance to react his lips softly press against mine, and like a weak bitch I cave. He slowly and sensually fucked me (I SAID WHAT I SAID) til 5 am. Somewhere along the line I passed out.
When I woke up the next afternoon I had Sofia in my arms, quietly playing Roblox on her tablet. Gage was wrapped around me, I guess he was afraid I'd run with how tight he held me. The next few days he was always busy or gone. Sometimes he'd take Sofia with him and sometimes she stayed with me. The only thing that was guaranteed, it was that by 4 am he would climb in to my bed to sleep while I worked. Well when he allows me to.
Mistress Tonya hasn't been too happy with me lately she's been snappy and threatening to putting me to do video chats if I don't stop fucking around. I'm about ready to quit. I'm pretty sure gage is still on leave but with as late as he comes home you would think otherwise.
For someone who claims to love me, his actions say a different story. It was a momentary weakness. I did have a talk with Nick the following day and he was just as stunned as me. He's found himself a girl that he sees more then the inside of her bedroom and I'm so happy for him. Nick is a good guy, he's like my brother and I want nothing but the best for him.
Today I'm taking Sofie with me to the grocery store. We are in dire need of my seasonings, meats and I want to have ice cream. So we're gonna get all kinds of toppings and ice cream, then we're having a movie night. Sofie wanted us to match so today we're both wearing tutus with tie-dye T-shirts we made yesterday. We both have our hair loose and have flower crowns that match our pink, blue, purple and yellow attire. Aye if it makes the princess happy I'll glady wear.
I'm so fucking exhausted, ever since my declaration to Lee. She doesn't have to say anything because her actions have spoke louder then her words. Considering how much she tries to push me a way when things get too serious, you would think she didn't return my feelings. Her actions betray her more than she realizes. She's always there for me and Sofie, when she sleeps, if I roll away from them she manages to find her way back to me and curls around me. She doesn't have to say it. I get why she's hesitant, but I don't love Felicity. I know for a fact I don't. Do I feel bad for her? Yes. Will I completely abandon her? No.
I quit working for mistress Tonya, she wasn't pleased but I don't need the money that bad anymore. One of my clients had helped me getting a job as a security guard for the strip club she works at. I haven't told Lee yet because I don't want her to feel pressured. I honestly hate this job because the girls are fucking whores who don't understand that I'm not fucking interested.
I'm just coming home from the gym when I see Lee and Sof walking down the stairs. Theyre wearing tie-dye shirts, tutus, and converses. Lee's short Carmel legs look so smooth and shiny. The shirt clinging to her chest so tight it looks like it could burst if she breathes. Down boy.
"Where are y'all going?" I ask. Sof must have read my lips because she signed to the store. "I'm coming!" I announce and watch as Lees face turns grim. Too damn bad. Maybe she should wore a different attire, then I would've stood. She opens her mouth ready to protest but I grab the keys out if her hand and walk towards the garage.
Got dammit! Why does he always have to tag along? I need time away from him to keep my feelings at bay. I know my logic is stupid but I have to be cautious. I am aware of my feelings for him. I've always have but it was easy when I thought this was just sex for him. I had no HOPE, I had no EXPECTATION. Him saying he loves me has been a dream come true, but it's a nightmare because there are too many what-ifs.
Knowing that there's no turning back we follow Gage out to the car. I set Sof in her booster seat and click her seat belt. She's 6 years old but she's so small we rather be safe then sorry. When I get in I put the radio on to prevent any chatter and sit back. Gage is still in basketball shorts and a singlet making it hard to concentrate but I managed.
When we got to the store I gave Gage his part of the list and we split up. Sof stayed with me while Gage got all the freezer stuff. After I grab all my Goya products I go to the baking isle getting cake mixes and a few other things. After we're done getting all of the stuff on our end, Sof and I make our way to frozen. Just as I go to turn I see a tall brunette with her arms wrapped around Gage while they talk in hushed tones. My heart drops and my stomach twist. I am once again reminded why gage and I won't work.
The worst part of this all is it hurts like a bitch because a piece of me did cling to the hope that he actually does love me. I'm about to turn to walk away but Sof let's go of my hand running for Gage. When he sees her he pushes the woman away and his eyes widen as the shoot up scanning for me. When they meet mine I can see the 'Oh fuck' in his eyes. Not wanting him to see how much it affected me I make my way to them and put a fake smile on.
"Oh my gosh sir, who is this cutie?" The woman ask, telling me she is one of his clients. A submissive. The kind of girl Gage really likes. Fighting against my tears and anger I put a fake smile as I watch her attempt to interact with Sof.
"None of your concern, I'm warning you Lacey." He growls. I watch her bow her head to him. "Lets go!" He demands to grab Sof and trying to grab me. I back away before his hand can wrap around me and he gives me a stern look. Rolling my eyes I follow him to check out.
The ride home was him repeatedly asking if I was okay, and me pulling the typical I'm Fine. When we get home he can stay with Sof. The past week he's been going out every night well tonight is my turn.