Will you adopt?
After dinner last night Gage and I kind of just went to bed. I was extremely tired and didn't have the energy to go in to the conversation about my dad. He wasn't too pleased with Sofia being the bed, he complained the whole rest of dinner about it. Apparently, he's been working with her in sleeping in her own room. Too damn bad. The next few weeks were spent with me either being at the mansion to work with the girls and make sure the caseworkers got along well. If I wasn't there my nose was buried in my textbooks. Gage has been busy as well, he helped Nick do some repairs at the restaurant and has been getting request from other businesses. He stopped working at the strip club after the run in with slut at the grocery store. I didn't ask him to do it, but I guess after the letter fiasco he wasn't taking any more chances.
I finally have a free day but I'm so exhausted I didn't even change. I've been walking around in one of Gage's hoods and boxers. Sofia didn't have school today, but she did have a playdate with a friend from school so I'm a bit happy about that. I've been so nauseated these past few days and Gage and I haven't told sofie about the baby. We did have our first appointment, it was mostly blood work and medical history crap. Gage is working today at a club. It's new and opening soon they just needed a few repairs and adjustments. Nick is at work as well and Lola is back in. S.C until the weekend. She comes when she can and it seems to work for them.
Sitting in the kitchen poking at my burger I decide to finally give up. The nausea hasn't subsided yet and just the smell is turning my tummy in all kinds of ways. I was doing good for a while but it started up again. I'm 14 weeks now almost done with my first trimester so why is this demon tormenting me? All I want is to eat a full meal without throwing it up minutes after. It's late afternoon and I'm already tired again. I stand up tossing my food in the trash bin when Gage comes walking in.
"Did you eat?" he asks looking between me and my cleared plate. I shake my head no and watch him slowly make his way to me. He's in blue work jeans, and a singlet. Fuck! A pool of moister builds between my legs. These hormones got me all kinds of messed up. I want to jump his bones and puke, then cry all at once. He kisses my forehead and places his hand on my belly. "I missed you."
"Oh don't go getting all cheesy on me now." He gets on his knees lifting my shirt.
"Hey in there can you stop making your mom sick. I haven't gotten laid since she came home." I burst in to laughter slapping him upside his head. "Kidding I'm kidding." He jokes and begins showering my belly in kisses. Movement in the entrance catches my attention. Sofia stands there looking at her brother as if he lost his mind. I tap him and he trips over his feet.
"Why is he kissing your belly." She signs. Gage looks at me then back to Sofie crawling over to her. Once he's in front of her he signs that we're having a baby. Her eyes widen and she slowly turns her head to face me, I give a smile and a nod. I don't know how I expected this to go but the look of hurt in her eyes before she took off was not it. Gage turns to look at me with a confused expression, all I could offer was a shrug.
"I'll go talk to her." I tell him as we both rush up stairs. He's nods and pecks my lips before going in to our room. I go over to Sofie door and enter. She's laying in her canopy bed with her head buried in to her pillow. Her tiny body shaking from her crying, my heart breaks at the sight. I get in to the bed and tap her, she peaks up at me lets out a huff and turns. I pull her to me successfully getting her to finally sit up and look at me. "Whats wrong?" I sign.
"You're trying time replace me. You got my brother and now you will have a baby that can hear and be normal and then you won't want me anymore." She clumsily signs.
"That's never going to-" she cuts me off by repeatedly signing for me to go. Finally with a heavy heart I give in to her and leave the room, in tears. When I go in to Gage and my room he is instantly on me.
"What's wrong what happened? Why are you crying?"
"She thinks we're trying to replace her." I cry. Gage puts his hand in my hair pulling me to him and rubbing my back. "I know she isn't ours and I'm not trying to replace your mom but I already love her like my own." I get out between sobs. Once's I've slightly calmed he tells me he'll be right back and rushes to his dresser. He grabs a Manila folder and hands it to me. When I open it I see a handwritten letter and adoption paper.
"It was from mom. I was supposed to handle it sooner but I-I got caught up." I begin to tear up at the fact that she wrote to me before passing. I go to our bed and set down to read the contents.
My dear Lee,
My children are my life and I've had to watch them put on fake smiles and pretend they were okay even when they weren't. Ever since you came to their lives their bond has been much stronger and it brings me peace knowing that you love them as much as I love you for them. I don't want Sofie to ever forget me, but I also don't want her going in life never having that mother daughter bond with anyone because of me. I see how you are with my little girl and I knew I could finally let go without having to worry. If it's okay with you I would love for you and Gage to adopt her and raise her as your own. She's already going to be know as the deaf girl id rather her forget me and think of you as that because she's already the "deaf girl" I don't want her to be known as parentless either. I don't want to pressure but I also wanted you to know that you won't be tainting my memory if she moves on from me, as long as she is loved. I love you sweet girl and I can't thank you enough for bringing me the peace you have.
Love your future mother in law.
"Oh baby I didn't mean to make you cry." Gage says as he climbs on the bed pulling me to him.
"She picked me?"
"Mmhm, so what do you say?"
"She hates me right now." I whine out. He lets go of me and walks off. After a moment he comes back with a thrashing Sofie and tosses her on the bed. She try's to get up and leave again but Gage won't let finally he grabs her small arms and holds her still. With one hand he's signing to her asking her what her problem is. She tells him the same thing she told me. He then ask her how would she feel about us adopting her. She had her doubts and didn't believe we wanted her around and that it's not fair that I'm the baby's mommy and not hers. I feel like I am a damn water park with the amount of tears my eyes leak.
He signs to her that what if I can be like her mom. She looks at me her eyes bright. Gage starts explaining the adoption process and she turns around to face me. She's in a green floral romper and her hair is in two braids. She ask me if I really want her and what about the baby. I tell her she will have a best friend she can teach all the cool big kid games to. When I tell her that I will love her no matter what she jumps in to my arms squeezing as tight as she can. My life is finally coming together. Now to plan a trip to see my father!