This book is dedicated to the man I have fallen hard for. Although you may never get to read this book, I want you to know that for a very long time I've been in love with you. I've wanted to tell you, but I never got the courage to tell you.
Every time you would get a girlfriend I would be sad, but also mad at myself for not telling you my feelings. But I always thought that I'd rather have you be happy instead of myself. But the thing is, I would be happy when you're happy - so you wouldn't see how sad I actually was. Every time you talked to me, I would feel all of my negativity disappear I would also feel all warm and fuzzy, and I would always have this silly grin on my face. And when you'd break-up with your girlfriend I would always give you space so I could wait and talk to you about my feelings for you.
But as always, I waited too long.
I love when we text back-n-forth, I still find it funny that one time I joked with you and one of your exes threatened me because she thought I was trying to take you away from her. You're one of the only friends who check in on me and want to know how I'm doing. You're one of the very few men in my life who I've never actually cared about looks - and that's saying something.
You made a big impact on my life. Thanks to you, I've changed. I used to lie to my parents about a lot of things - but you once told me that you found honesty attractive. After you said those words, I've become more honest with my family and friends to the point where I can be a little too honest. And being honest with them has helped me in so many ways. And it has brought me closer to them.
When you said my real name for the very first time - my heart raced so fast and I got so happy and still am. And even though I know deep down that there will be nothing between us... I need to hear you say it - so that I may move on and stop torturing and hating myself for not making a move sooner.
I love you, Alex. Thank you for turning my life around, without you even realizing it.