Unbecoming

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Chapter 9: Jason

It’s been over a week since I had told Margo about my father’s plan to summon a demon. Margo told me that she had let Victoria know where the information had come from, and I guess a part of me had been holding out hope that it would be enough of a sway for Victoria to come talk to me. I knew that I had been setting myself up for disappointment but I still couldn’t help but hope.

I knew I was dreaming, and it hurt because I knew that, but it felt so real that I didn’t want to wake up. Victoria was in my arms. Her face was contorted in concentration and pleasure as my body filled hers. We were in her bed making love, our naked, sweat slicked skin clinging and slipping against each other.

She lay on her back, her naked breasts bouncing with each thrust of our hips, and I reached out to grip one. It was warm and full and soft, her nipple pressing into my palm and dragging across the skin there. Her back arched, pressing her breast firmer into my hand, and I thrust harder, loving the way the inside of her felt. It was hot, and pulsating, and the slickness of her juices coated me, making it easy to glide into her and pound out our pleasure. The sight of my body, thick and lengthy, coated in her passion as it disappeared into her body was enough to almost send me over the edge and I had to look away before I lost myself to the sensations of our bodies.

Victoria reached for me, her fingers going around the back of my neck and pulling my face down to her’s. She kissed me as I continued to thrust into her, my hips slapping loudly against her’s. Our mouths were open, tongues dipping into each other’s for a taste. She tasted so good I wanted to cry. It was honey and cinnamon, sweet but a little spicy. I sucked her tongue into my mouth, wanting her flavor to coat my tongue and stay with me as long as I could hold it.

She bit my lip, and it stung, the pain jolting me out of my revery. I pulled back from her, our lower bodies still connected, but I had stopped moving, no longer thrusting. Her mouth was decorated with my blood, little splatters of it on her lips and chin. She was smiling wickedly and rotated her hips with me still inside her as she licked my blood from her chin with a long swipe of her tongue. The sensation paired with the visual I had, had my eyes rolling back in my head, and I had to focus so that I wouldn’t release inside her yet.

It had taken my body a moment to realize it, but the bite had felt good in that moment. It had hurt of course, but the little bit of pain had heightened the pleasure that I felt. My mind was having a difficult time comprehending that we liked the pain, and that seeing my blood on Victoria’s face had done something for me.

I gripped her hips, my fingers digging into her skin, and with my eyes on hers, I pulled almost all the way out of her, and then slammed my length into her opening. Her spine bowed and she screamed in pleasure. I did it again, and again, slowly but forcefully. She was whimpering and clutching the sheets beneath her, her chest rising and falling with her ragged pants.

“More, Jason. I need more!” Victoria cried out from beneath me, and I listened.

I continued to pound my length into her, almost punishing in the strength of each thrust, and fast, giving her no time to catch her breath between thrusts. Her body moved with mine, her hips snapping to meet mine each time I slammed home. It felt amazing, and I couldn’t help the raspy growls that were making their way up and out of my throat. I felt like I was close, so I leaned back a little, angling my hips so that I could thrust right against that throbbing spot deep inside her. Her moans changed when I started hitting that spot full on instead of just rubbing past it.

I jolted awake to the sound of my phone ringing. I almost wanted to throw it against the wall and go back to my dream, but when I caught a glimpse of the caller I.D. I almost fell out of my bed with the shock of it. It was Victoria. I picked it up, swiping the screen to answer it. I lifted the phone to my ear slowly, wanting to say so much to her, but not knowing what would be ok. I had to take a deep breath to steady myself before I said hello. There was silence for a moment, and then I heard her voice, after almost seven months of not hearing from her. It brought involuntary tears to my eyes.

“Hello, Jason.” Her tone was neutral, and I was going to try to match it, but before I had the chance to say anything, she said, “Don’t talk, just listen to what I have to say first please.”

“Okay,” was all I managed to squeak out, and my voice was anything but neutral.

My mind was a mess, and the amount of adrenaline that was pumping through my veins should have stopped my heart. I couldn’t help the storm of emotions that were raging war in my mind. I was happy that I could hear her voice, but I was also apprehensive to hear what she was going to say to me. I also felt shame. I had told her that I was going to come for her, rescue her, and I hadn’t been able to, and I was ashamed of my failure. My heart was hammering in my chest and I couldn’t seem to calm down. All of my instincts were screaming at me that I needed to see her, and I wanted to tell her that so bad, but I kept my mouth closed. I didn’t think that it would do me any good if I told her any of that at that point any ways.

“Thank you,” she took a deep breath, and I could tell that she was trying to prepare herself for this conversation. I didn’t know what to expect, and I was mildly terrified of what she was going to say, but I still wanted to give her the chance to say whatever it was that she called me to say. She cleared her throat and continued.

“I know it was you who warned Margo about Christian and his plan to summon a demon, and I wanted to say thank you. If you hadn’t warned us, then I could have stepped right into his trap and would have been completely unprepared for it,” she stopped talking for a moment, and it took every ounce of my self-control to stay quiet like she had asked me to. “I called to tell you what I intend to do about it. I feel like as your Mate, I owe that to you.”

It was indescribable the feelings that flooded me when I heard her acknowledge that she was still my mate. I could not help the flow of tears that had started, and the blood rushing my veins was so loud that I almost missed what she said next, and that firmly knocked the wind out of me.

“I know that he is your father, and that this should be a last resort, but he has been left to his own desires and destruction for far too long. I am going to kill Christian.” She dropped that bomb on me and fell silent. She probably thought that I was going to be shocked to hear that from her, or try and talk her out of it, but really, I was almost relieved that she said she was going to do it.

The relief turned to shame in an instant. How could I claim to deserve to be her mate if I were happy to leave the gruesomeness to her? How could I live with myself if I just sat back and allowed her to further sully herself just so that I could keep my hands clean. I had already come to terms with the fact that my father needed to die, and though I have never killed someone myself before, I was willing to take on the duty if it meant that not only was I keeping the world safer, but I was also going to be directly protecting my mate, even if she didn’t want me anymore.

“I’m sorry, Jason. I know he’s your father and that this must be hard to hear, but I don’t think there is another way. He is never going to stop in the pursuit of more power, and I’ll be damned if I allow him to use me and my power as a stepping stone to the power level that he wants. I just wanted to tell you, so that way you would have a chance to prepare for it.” She was worried that I was not going to step aside and let her do it. I couldn’t help it. A deranged, almost hysterical laugh bubbled at my lips, and I had to clench my lips together to cut off the sound. I know she heard it, and I could hear the confusion in her voice when she asked me if I was laughing at her.

“I’m not laughing at you,” I managed to choke out, “sorry.”

“I don’t understand.” I could hear the heat of anger start to color her tone, and I rushed to explain myself.

“You said you were planning to kill him, and it was funny in a perverse way, because I had been battling with myself ever since I found out what he was planning to do. I was resolved to doing it myself, killing him if that’s what it took, no matter what the outcome was.” I wanted to prove to her that I wasn’t useless, and that despite my past failings as a Mate, I was willing to do whatever it took to prove to her that I was worthy to call myself her Mate, her equal.

“You what?” The shock was evident in her tone, and I was almost offended by it, but she didn’t know about my mother, and why this was something I was willing to do.

“I was already planning to kill him, if that meant stopping him.”

“Why would you do that? It would corrupt you, take you away from the light that you held on to so tightly. You abandoned me and our bond for your precious light, keeping your lily white hands clean.” The venom in her voice stung, burning like acid on my skin. The shame and guilt I felt was almost overwhelming, and I had to take a deep breath to steady my voice before I could speak.

“I know I failed you twice before, not being able to protect you from my father in the first place, and then not having the courage to follow you into darkness, but I didn’t plan to do this just for you,” I cleared my throat, mentally steeling myself to tell her what happened to my mother. It was harder than I thought to keep the pain of loss out of my voice as I started to tell her.

“My father had attempted to raise a demon before. It had taken possession of my mother and started to eat her from the inside. I barely managed to banish it, but it still managed to kill her, and it was my father’s doing. He called it to his alter room and allowed it to go into my mother, his wife, and felt no remorse for her loss. I don’t expect this to atone for my failings, but I wanted to be able to say that I avenged my mother.” I took another deep breath. I wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t doing this just for her.

“I didn’t know, Jason,” she said softly. She knew loss too, so she knew some of the pain I felt. The fact that she was still able to empathize with me made my heart flutter. I tried to reign myself in, not wanting to give myself hope that may not exist.

“I know you didn’t and it’s ok. You shouldn’t have to take care of something that I should have done a long time ago.” If I had killed my father when I had come into my full power, he would not have grown as strong and as dangerous as he was now, and Victoria would never have fallen into his hands the way she had.

It dawned on me though that things had turned out the way they had because they were meant to be this way. She was a dark Fae by blood, so being in the light had never really been a part of her destiny, it was like trying to fit yourself into a pair of shoes that were two sizes too small. And if that was the case for her, as her Mate that must have meant that I was meant to embrace the dark to be with her. I did not say any of that out loud. I knew that she was with Daemian and Marcus, and that she didn’t want to be with me. Not after what I’ve done. Me turning dark after killing my father would not change things between us.

“You want to be in the light, Jason, and that’s fine. I don’t want you to have to dirty your spotless hands. I will do it. I only called you to tell you out of curtesy. Do not get in my way. If I do this, then it means I will get what I need, as well as allow you to remain in the light and unstained. It will work out for the both of us, and we wont have to deal with each other in the future.” Her voice was cold, and each word was like a blade ripping into my heart. She wanted to do it so we wouldn’t have to deal with each other in the future? That’s not what I wanted at all, and I opened my mouth to say that, but I stopped myself before the words came out.

“I don’t think that being in the light was ever really my destiny, Victoria. I can’t promise that I will stay away, because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just allowed you to take on that burden. I know you don’t want me anymore, I’ve given you no reason to choose me, and I am willing to accept that fact now. I just want you to be safe, so that you can live the life you want and deserve, with whom ever you decide to spend it with.” the tears that tracked down my face felt like streaks of fire as they fell, and I hung up my phone, not being able to bare hearing her voice tell me that I was not wanted.

Tossing my phone on my bed beside me, I drew my knees up to my chest and cried. I cried for the loss of my love, for not being able to be with the one person that fate chose for me, because of my own failings. I cried for the loss of my mother, and for how I failed her.

Eventually the flow of tears slowed and I was left feeling drained of emotions. It was then that clarity struck me, and my mind began formulating a plan to kill my father. I was not going to fail again. I would take in all the darkness and live in eternal night if it meant that I could avenge my mother and protect my Mate.

***

I called Margo, knowing that she would be in the loop, wanting to find out when Victoria planned on having her final confrontation with my father. She told me the date and location and warned me that Victoria would be hostile if she saw me. I thanked her for letting me know.

“Why are you going to these lengths, Jason? You know that it is not going to change anything…” Margo asked her voice soft, trying to soften the blow. Before it would have hurt, and would have cause debilitating pain, but I was still feeling slightly numb emotionally, which was probably for the better.

“I’m not doing it for her any more. I’m doing it for my mom, and because I am starting to realize that I only clung to the light because it was the brightest contrast to my father and the devastation he’s caused. I know she doesn’t want me anymore. I’ve accepted my fate and have decided to stop running from it. I was born to be dark, and maybe it was for the sole purpose of stopping my father.” I hung up the phone before she could say anything, but I could tell that I had shocked her from the stunned silence on the other end of the phone before I disconnected.

I took a deep breath, centering myself and doing my best to not allow the panic that was trying to claw its way into my mind take hold. I was meant to do this. Stopping my father was my destiny. I wish I could have done it sooner, to save my mother and prevent the loss that tore at me every time I thought about her, but I knew that I wouldn’t be the person I was trying to be if I hadn’t felt that loss. I refused to feel it again though and vowed to myself that I would wipe my father out of existence no matter what the cost.

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