Destiny Tells Her Trauma
WARNING MAY HAVE A TRIGGER FOR SOME PEOPLE
We go back to the beach house, and they each hug me and tell me to take my time in telling the whole story and take breaks when I need to. And I make them promise that even if I am too broken for them to give me all that they got. To put me into subspace because I will not be able to deal with what I am about to talk about if they do not. They make the promise and try to assure me that nothing I can say will keep them from wanting me, and I try to smile and say we will see.
It all started when I got married at 19 and was only married for ten months when one night my husband sits me on his lap and begins to tell me that he wants and is going to fuck my sister. I am completely surprised and horrified that I jump up and run to our bedroom and shut the door. And start to pack thinking, to myself that if he leaves to go to her, then I will move out tomorrow.
Well, he does leave, and they go to a hotel after her husband kicks her out, and they stay the night there. I put my stuff in my car call my mom, and of course, she tells me to come to stay with her, and that is what I do. It takes me a while to get my divorce, but when I do, he has the audacity to tell me that he made a mistake and wants me back, and I cannot help but think, what the hell do you think it was my SISTER for Christ sake. So I divorced him and disowned her after I beat the shit out of her. And now I have trust issues so badly that I never want to be in another relationship.
I live with my mom because suddenly she is having a lot of health issues, and I cannot leave her as I am the only one out of four of her kids that is willing to take care of her. I try to make her go to the doctors because her breathing is so bad and only getting worse. But, I should have just submitted the appointment myself. And took her to make sure she went. I failed her! She had breast cancer, and we did not know.
Or at least I did not. And when she got so bad that I had to rush her to the ER they admitted her right away. And again, no one thought of breast cancer the doctors; kept telling me pneumonia. And giving her antibiotics through IV for two weeks and then tell me to take her home and keep her on oxygen, and she will be fine.
We are home for two days when I am rushing her back to the hospital again. And this time, doctors take more X-Rays and see a spot that concerns them so, they ask me if I consent to a biopsy, and I sign the consent forms as I am her P.O.A.
The doctors take her into surgery, and when they come out, even before the test is done, the surgeon tells me its cancer, but will not know which one or which stage until the test is complete. The cancer doctor tells me he can cure her. And the lung doctor is telling me; it will not work; mom’s lungs are too far gone. So, we spend a month in the hospital in the critical care unit.
I spend every minute with her until one day, I am told if I do not come to work, I will lose my job, so my mom writes down to go. She will be okay. And I go try to do my job, and then I get the call that I have to come back ASAP she is not able to breathe anymore. I rush there and meet with the lung doctor, and he is asking me to put her on life support or let her go.
I deny her life support, essentially; I killed her because they said she would never come off the life support. As soon as she took her last breath, I wanted to die too. I have had to live with the fact that I failed her, and I did not do more to save her. By the time I am telling them my story, I am crying so hard, and I start to hyperventilate. My guilt is real, and my hatred is real someday. I cannot even look in the mirror.
They both jump up and just hold me until I can calm down, and then we all just sit out on the balcony and listen to the ocean. And no one says a word, me thinking about that day and reliving it again, and they just want to make a plan to help me.
They want to save me from myself and from my nightmares. Finally, they decide that they want to shower me and put me to bed. Telling me that we will discuss the plan tomorrow. That I have had enough for one day.
And I could not have agreed more. I am totally wiped out. Leo and Jake go to their office while I am going to sleep to make a plan and how they want to proceed with me.
Leo thinks the way to go is to not so much Master/Sub more Daddy Dom. Because I need to be thoroughly be built back up. Jake thinks; that maybe I will need both, so they continue to hash out what is to be the game plan, and they know that not only do they still really want me. They are already falling hard for me. They climb into bed with me and hold me, and I did not have any nightmares that whole night.