Nirvana by Rita Macedo

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Chapter 19

TW - Angst


“Kitten. Wake up.”

I slowly feel myself awaking. I feel so calm. So calm. Peaceful. I feel so good.

I smile wide and open my eyes to meet Draven’s.

“Daddy.” my hands touch his face gently. I smile.

“Baby.” I turn my head and kisses his cheek. “I’m hungry.”

“Do you want to go downstairs now? You slept so peaceful.” Draven asks.

“Only if my baby carry me.”

Z chuckles, “Filling you, I bet.”

“No baby. I just want to be carried like a koala. I promise.” I sigh, “I need to feel you touching me. I spent all week alone. I feel so lonely.”

“Do you want me to have a chat with your parents? Maybe you could move in with us earlier than what we agreed on.”

Azazel growled.

I tensed.

“Do not make promises you can’t keep Draven.”

“I’ll be downstairs making dinner.” Draven says and disappears.

I get up and face him.

“Something shifted.” I state, “Why are you two fighting?”

“We’ll be heading home tomorrow after lunch and we’ll have a family emergency meeting.”

“Tell me. Why do I feel resentment from you towards Draven?”

“We had a disagreement. We will work it out.”

“You’re lying. You don’t think you will be able to work it out.” I get more anxious.

“Babe, calm down. It’s okay.”

“It is not okay if my two lovers are fighting.”

I turn around and head into the bathroom.

I feel a sharp pain in my lower belly and cry out. The pain don’t stop.

I fall to the ground.

“Baby. Baby. Help me.”

Azazel is right beside me holding my back and calling Draven.

Sharp pain again and then nothing.

Dark.


Azazel POV


I am collecting the clothes from the floor and hear a cry.

I run into the bathroom and hold Morgan up.

“Baby. Baby. Help me”

She’s on the floor, crying out.

“Draven.” I yell.

I look at Morgan as she let a whine out and passes out.

“Azazel. What happened?” Draven finally arrives.

“She cried out. Fell. Then passed out.”

“She’s bleeding.”

“Where?” I ask stunned.

“From her uterus.” He says, his voice high.

“Draven. Tell me.”

“We need to take her to the hospital. I am not sure if it is what I think it is.”

I shake him “Draven, move. Go get her ID and some clothes. Fast.”

In three minutes, we are in the car. Draven is driving and I hold my baby on the back seat of the car.

“Call Sam” I tell my cellphone.

“Calling Sam.” the weird womans voice informs me.

I put the speaker on.

“Z. What is wrong? Is it Sire?”

“Sam. Morgan is bleeding. Draven says is the uterus. Call the hospital and tell them we are coming with an 18 years old female unconscious. We’re there in twenty minutes.”

She hangs up.

“If she dies. You’ll never see me again. I won’t be able to cope.”

“My love. Please. Don’t do this to me right now. I can’t drive this fast while crying.”

I sigh and hold her closer to me, placing a kiss in her hair.

Fifteen minutes later we are arriving at the private hospital. Draven owns it. They will do whatever it takes.

Draven open the door for us and I carry her in my arms up to the stretcher.

They go through a door and I see that everyone is in the waiting room.

I see Draven sitting down.

“What happened?” Sam asks.

“She felt pain and collapsed. She cried and blacked out.” I sit too.

“She was bleeding from her uterus or bladder. Not much. 200 mL perhaps.” Draven added.

“Is she pregnant? Is it possible, Pa?”

I snap my head up.

“I don’t know, Sunu. I don’t know. We were going to convoke an emergency meeting. Azazel is concerned that I am treating her like a breeder, and I became feral several times in the last weeks.”

“That would explain it. You already knew without knowing, Sire. It is yours.”

I gasp and look to Draven.

He’s almost crying. I know it. He never cried in front of them before. Never let his guard down.

The doors open and a nurse comes our way.

“Borgonha family. You can go in now. The patient is asking for you.”

I stand up and Draven gives me his hand. I take it.

I feel myself shaking. I feel desperation and deep sadness flowing through our bond.

A single tear slides down Draven’s face as we enter Morgan’s hospital room.

She immediately bursts into tears.

We are on her instantly. Hugging her.

“It’s okay Kitten we’re here. We’re right here.”

I look up at the doctor.

“Mr. Borgonha.”

Draven stare open eyed to the old man in white robe, “What is wrong with her?”

“Miss Mendes had a miscarriage.”

Morgan sobs hysterically. We hold her tighter.

“Why?” I hear myself say.

“It is extremely common in a first pregnancy. Only one third of them do not end in a miscarriage.”

“How old was the fetus?”

“By preliminary results it was early in the pregnancy. Between six to eight weeks.”

“Draven. That’s two months. She was a virgin three months ago. She takes the pill. What is happening?”

“If you wish we can send the sample to the lab to get specific results.”

“You know us. You know. I didn’t even know I could get her pregnant. We never tried before. Samantha can’t get pregnant.”

“Miss Borgonha is not biologically equal to Miss Mendes. You know that. I am telling you that the pill won’t be effective to fight such strong spermatozoa as yours. I bet Mr. Draven Borgonha’s are even faster. You will get her pregnant if you have coitus while Miss Mendes is in her fertility peak. Do you understand, Mr. Borgonha?”

I am trying to keep Morgan from sobbing louder, ”It’s okay baby. We will take care of you. It’s okay.”

“Babe. I’m so scared.” She says trembling.

“We will not let anything like this happen again.” I hear Draven say.

“We will take proper measures. Thank you so much Dr. Do Morgan need any medicine or special treatment?”

“She needs to rest. I don’t have to tell you that this is one of the worst moments in a woman’s life. I am sure you will provide anything else she’ll need.”

“Of course. Thank you.”

We both bow and the staff leave us alone.

As soon as the door closes, I cry deeply.

We all do.

“You knew. You knew you were pregnant. Baby. You knew.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I am weak. I kill our baby. I killed her.”

Morgan sounds so awful. She sounds like any other female when her child dies.

It’s heart breaking. My heart is split in half bleeding on the floor.

“You did not, my beautiful princess. You didn’t. It’s just how it is. It wasn’t meant to be my sweet Kitten. We love you so much. Me and Azazel will always love you very much.”

My head fall into Draven shoulder. I cry so much all the water inside my body seems to dry up.

“Draven, I’m sorry for the things that I said to you. You knew too. You were trying to keep it alive. I’m sorry babe. I’m sorry.”

He holds me tight. Morgan whimpers and we lift her up to our chests.

“We will get through this. We are family. We will get through this together.” Draven says and kisses our heads.

“Let’s go home. Your siblings are worried sick outside.”

“You take our Kitten.”

I promptly take her into my lap. Smelling her hair. “I love you so much Babe.”

We find the other three on the verge of having a panic attack.

Draven coughs, “You were right. Our Kitten unfortunately lost the first child to be conceived by our family. The doctor said it’s very common in a first pregnancy.”

Sam sobs, “I’m so sorry Morgan.” She says, shaking.

I hold it inside as Draven do, but Morgan whimpers for Sam.

I let her go to our sisters’ lap. They cry together and we go home to heal.


I wake up in a hospital room. I hear beeping and see machinery over me.

I trash around.

“Calm down, Miss Mendes. You’re safe.”

“Draven. Azazel.”

“They are right outside. In a minute I will call for them. I just need to talk to you first.”

I nod.

“I want you to know that everything you say to me and my nurse is confidential, and we cannot replicate. We will not judge anything you answer either. You are in a safe space. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“We unfortunately must inform you that you were victim of a miscarriage. Were you aware of your pregnancy?”

“What? No. What?”

“You were not. Do you take any kind of contraceptive, Miss Mendes?”

“Yes. I take the pill. I made sure I never skip it because I just started to have... ” I pause, ” I just started to have sex in the end of January. How can I be pregnant?”

“I imagine it must be hard for you to hear this, but you are in fact no longer pregnant, Miss Mendes. I’m sorry for your lost.”

What is this old man saying? How can I lose something I didn’t know I had in the first place.

“Okay. How long was my pregnancy then?”

“We estimate it six to eight weeks.”

“We’re in the middle of April.” I frown, “I took the pill Doctor. I couldn’t get pregnant right away.”

The nurse steps forwards.

“You were sweetie. I know you are young, but you are old enough to know.”

“Know what?” I snapped back.

“Did you lose weight? Appetite? Did you get cravings? Your breasts got slightly bigger? Your period was different or never came?”

I listen and gasp, “All the above.” I honestly answer.

“Miss Mendes. Please answer me truthfully. Did you have intercourse with Mr. Draven Borgonha?”

I blush, looking away “Draven and Azazel are my boyfriends since earlyDecember.”

“And yet you waited two months to initiate sexual activity with them. I’m sorry to ask but was it your choice?”

“No Doctor. They didn’t touch me until my eighteenth birthday.” I speak lowly. Ashamed.

“I’m glad you have such mature man looking out for you, but as your doctor I will always be here and our staff if you need anything else. Mr. Borgonha don’t appreciate that we do so much testing, but you are human after all and you need medical assistance. Do you understand what I am trying to say?”

I look at him, my eyes wide, “You know.”

“I have been the family doctor for thirty years. I know.”

“I’m glad I can trust you then.” I smile, “They treat me like a flower, Doctor. If I ask they will give provide. Don’t worry. If we need anything, I will come to you.” I nod.

“If it is okay, we will let Mr. and Mr. Borgonha in now.”

I see the nurse go outside.

I understand what they meant about lost when I see them. When I see them, it becomes real and I feel like I’m dead inside. I lost my baby.


I cry all the way to the Mansion. The car drive is short, but I continue to cry deeply.

Azazel looks lost and Draven is just sad.

Sam hold me in the back seat of the SUV but just let go when we get inside the garage.

“Anything you need. Call. We are all home for you. My little sister. I’m sorry.” She hugs me and let Azazel carry me to our bedroom.

As soon as they close the door I sob louder.

Draven falls to the ground and looks devastated.

Azazel gets me to bed and pulls me to his chest.

“Draven. Please come to us.” I say between sobs.

He takes a while. I get preoccupied and look up to Z.

He kisses my forehead.

“Babe. Come to us. We need you too.”

He finally drags himself to bed. Hugging me from behind. He’s not crying. Neither is Z but they are suffering I can feel it.

“I don’t understand why I am so sad about a little blob of cells. She was not even breathing. There was no heartbeat. Nothing. Just blood and cells.”

“We are mourning what could have been even if we didn’t know it could, until we lost our son or daughter.” Draven answers.

“I didn’t want her. It’s too soon.”

“No, it’s not. You know we could have made it work. You could study and we would take care of our family. You trust us. You know how much we would spoil our little human child. We just didn’t know it was possible.” Azazel says.

“I’m not having sex with you. I don’t want to.”

“Kitten please. We’re not going to force anything. We love you first. You can ban sex for eternity. We will still love you and cherish you. I don’t believe you really mean it though. You’re just afraid and we get that. We have plenty of time to grieve. We will give you time to mourn this.” Draven kisses my nape.

“I also apologize for getting so defensive and feral. At least we understand now why it was even happening. I’m sorry Azazel.”

“We’re good. We’re good. Let get our princess rest. Wait. Dinner. What happened to dinner Draven?”

“It’s in the beach house. Undone in the fridge. We’ll have to go there this week to clean it up. I at least turned off the appliances and all the lights. The rest we’ll handle later.”

“Good. I was so focused on Morgan I forgot to even breath.”

“I remember you saying that if something happens to her I would never see you again.”

“You said what?” I smack Azazel’s chest.

“I was panicking and pissed off. He was treating you like a possessive bull.” He whines.

“He thought I was doing it on purpose. I was not. I was led by instinct. Now we know why.”

“Fine. I’m sorry Master for defending our princess but I was rightfully protecting her.”

“So that was why you were fighting. I knew it was serious. It was so serious you could have broken up. You’re both stupid. Oh my gosh. Do I have to do everything myself? I am the pillar of this relationship it seems.”

"Yes, you are Kitten. Our irreplaceable pillar.”

“Caterpillar.” Z laughs.

“I’m divorcing both of you. Just not tonight I need food and the best bath known to humankind.”

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