Irrevocably You

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"The boys have really out done themselves this year" I say to Sarah as we walk into Jaxson'a house. "Girl we are gonna have so much fun! Look at all the hot guys here tonight." Sarah is smiling so big her brown hair is shorter than mine. She is a natural beauty she wears minimal makeup and reminds me a lot of myself. She has a sarcastic personality where I am more witty. She has had her eye on Jaxson for such a long time but being that her brother is close with all of the boys it won't be happening. Plus Jax's always has his hand up someone's skirt hypothetically speaking. He's handsome and he knows it. Speaking of Jaxson welcomes "If it isn't my two favorite ladies. Can't have one without the other." I give him a cheerful smile but if I'm being honest I don't even want to be here. But this is the biggest party of the year and I never miss it.

Scanning the room I see Nathan leaning up against the counter looking as handsome as ever with Tallon and I notice he is looking dead at me. I can feel my smile growing. Damn I've missed that man. We are heading straight for them. Tallon always quick to the draw with a smart remark tonight I'm ready for him and I fire back. He calls Sarah out for her shorts and they walk off. Leaving me alone with Nathan. As I meet his eyes once again I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. His smile rivals the devil even though his eyes are soft. I can't help but thinking he's up to no good. Our small talk is cut off by Alex and that's my que to walk away I am not in the mood for fussing with him tonight.

Before I know it I'm back outside chatting with a friend from college I can't believe he's here. Jake is the nicest guy and so charming but he's also full of himself. He's laying it on thick tonight little does he know he doesn't stand a chance. I laugh with him and my hand touches his arm. As if I can feel the magnetic pull I turn to look over at the fire and Nathan is sitting alone. Looking so flustered I excuse myself from Jake. I sit down next to him he's playing with the pop top of his beer can. "Hey there handsome. What's bothering you?" He doesn't look at me but he says "You. It's like no matter what I do or who I talk to you are all I think about. What am I supposed to do not get jealous when you touch another guy even if it's nothing. I can't help myself and it's driving me crazy." Finally looking up at me his eyes full of doubt but what he said hurts. My eyes are stinging and I speak before I think it through "We go days.. Actually months without talking then you text me out the blue. It's either you are in or you are out. I can't deal with the back and forth. Not knowing what this is supposed to be is killing me. I don't know how to act. I know Alex is your friend but think about it this way if he really is then he will understand. And if you care for me at all you will stop doing this to me." I pause waiting to see if he has something to say and he sighs and says "You are right. It's not fair to you. I can keep my distance so you can have someone to give you what you need. I don't know that it can be me or that I ever really believed I could." My heart hurts at his words why is he doing this? "It's not that you can't do it.. it's that you won't." I don't break our eye contact cause now I'm hurt and mad as hell I continue. "You are scared and you don't want to risk your reputation with the guys. I'm not just a play thing and I won't let you toy with my emotions." I stand up my eyes filling with tears but I hold back until my back is turned and I head straight for my car. He doesn't come after me I can see him from where I am and his hands are on his face covering his eyes. Leaning against my car I regret ever coming tonight I should have trusted my instincts and stayed home.

I wipe the tears from my face opening the car door and Tallon catches it before I can get in. "Leaving so soon?" He says in a concerned and knowing way. I look at him and say "I shouldn't have came to start with. How did I let myself get into this situation." He raises his eye brow but humors me "Kathryn I know about you two. I've known since the beginning I'm the one who talked Hail into going to your house the first night. I didn't know it would happen like this though." "Wait, hold on he told you?" I say back quickly " Of course he did. Jax knows too we were the only ones here that night." I sit in the car and wipe under my eyes and fix my makeup. I turn back to Tallon and say "I had planned on leaving but I think I'm going to stay." He smiles and with a heart felt laugh he says "Come on badass lets get a drink." In this moment I'm thankful I didn't let it get the best of me.

I play beer pong with Sarah , Tallon and Jaxson for two rounds. I'm a little light headed but at least I'm having fun. Nathan hasn't been back in here in the last few hours."Lets dance" Sarah suggests as she pulls me to the middle of the floor. "Locked Out Of Heaven" by Bruno Mars flowing out through the speakers. I dance with Sarah and some of the other girls out there getting lost in the music. We have danced through several songs and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

Making my way to the bathroom walking through Jaxsons bedroom. I splash water on my face and neck giving myself a small pep talk. When I open the door Nathan is leaning against the door of the bedroom. "I'm sorry Kathryn I really am." As I try to walk past him he shuts the door. "Come on talk to me." He pleads his arms wrapping around my waist. "We tried to talk a little while ago and it didn't turn out so well." I say so annoyed he's giving me whip lash. "This is hard for me okay? I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. Alex is still in love with you talking to me about you every chance he gets and you are flirting with another guy in front of me." I soften just a little at his words. "Nathan you are self destructive. You don't want anyone else to ruin it so you do. When you know what you want how about let me know until then stay away from me." I move to open the door to go back in the main room he stops me closing it back. There's no use in fighting it he could over power me easily. "You know if they find us in here you will have to explain yourself." I know that will work if nothing else. He says "Fine do your worst. But I'm leaving when you are okay? We aren't done talking yet." I roll my eyes opening the door and moving past him. As of right now I'm done talking. I join Sarah back at the pong tables as they line up another game Nathan is close behind me. "I'm in this time. Kathryn wants to play again. Us against Sarah and Jax." He says giving his best smile to Jaxson who's been waiting on this all night. Damn he's good. We win each time celebrating with high fives the last time he wraps me in a bear hung. He's not gonna let me get away with this. For the rest of the party he stays in eye sight of me, watching me. Everyone else is to drunk to notice when we leave.

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