Irrevocably You

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Going out tonight is the last thing I want to do tonight. It's been the last thing in my mind for the past few months. I know everyone is wondering what happened why I've changed. How do you explain to your friends that as soon you fall for the right girl she is done with you. All because of how complicated the situation is becoming. I didn't fight for it. I just left mostly because I didn't see it coming this soon. I didn't know that would be the last night I held her in my arms. Feeling her heart against mine she always smells like honey so sweet. I feel so alive with her so high I don't want to come down. I foolishly thought I would have so much more time with her. "Hail you day dreaming or are we partying?" Jaxson obnoxious voice breaking up my chaos in my head. I turn to him raising my beer I say "No I'm good. Why are we going? None of us are dressed for a Halloween party?" Shaking his head at me "We don't have to dress up. There will be a ass of girls there tonight." I just nod in agreement as we pull into the crowded parking lot of Bar 34. Another night just like all the rest.

After we get inside and find one of the only tables left in the whole place. The whole gang is here tonight. Jaxson, Max his girl Lauren, Alex, and Tallon. I find my way to the bar I see Chris and Brandon standing a few bodies down from me. Chris gives me a nod and they make their way to me. He is Kats best friend I'm sure he's gonna have some shit to say. "Damn dude what are you doing here? Where's everyone else at?" Chris says sarcastically. I'll humor him "They are up near the front at the dance floor. Y'all come alone tonight?" Brandon raises his eyebrow at me " No we brought the girls." What the hell is that supposed to mean. What girls. They don't date anyone do they? I don't know them well, I only see them every now and then. I order my drink and walk back to the table without another word. Dicks that's what they are. I could tell they know. I gotta stay clear headed tonight with them here. I get back to the table and Lauren starts getting excited she sees someone she knows. I turn my head to look in the directions she's waving and it's Kathryn. What is she doing here and in that dress. Damn it. She looks so good her hair straight not like her usual wild look I love but this makes her look elegant. Her tan dress hugging her body. Lauren wraps her in a big hug saying " Girl I'm so glad you are here! We can really have fun now." She smiles brightly at Lauren she hasn't seen me yet or she's avoiding eye contact with me. When she glances up at me, I can tell it's the first one she turn back to Lauren quickly and says something leaving from our table.

Alex sitting down next to me says" I asked Kathryn to come with us tonight she said they weren't coming here. Wonder why she lied? Im gonna go talk to her." I nod my head before he gets up he says "Are you sure you're okay? You haven't hardly said ten words tonight?" I look at him saying "yeah, I'm fine" Am I? Hell no! He gets up without another word, he's gone for what seems like hours. They start playing some line dance song that I can't remember the name of to save my life. Kathryn is on the dance floor with Meredith and Lauren, that must be the girls Brandon was referring to. Alex is on the dance floor too. Everyone is having a great time but me like always. This isn't my style, it does nothing for me. Song ends and they play Zac Brown "Colder Weather" I look up from my phone Kathryn has disappeared. This song reminds me of the first night with her. Damn it why does everything have to remind me of her.

I see Alex's back still on the dance floor. Someone's hands wrapped around his neck my heart drops when he spins her around it's Kathryn. She smiling wildly having fun and being the carefree person she always has been. But with him it doesn't sit right with me. This is going to drive me insane, it's torture. So much for keeping my cool. Does she want him back now? How many times have they seen each other since? Why the hell do I care? Cause I love her that's why and I can't do shit about it. She made it clear she didn't have feelings for me when she said she couldn't risk getting emotional attached to me. I can't look away. I watch them the whole song he releases her and she glances at me her smile fading just a little bit. Jaxon ventures out sweeping her up. She humors him and dances with him for half the song. After she walks off the dance floor, I loose sight of her in the crowd. I don't see her anymore for the rest of the night. Alex doesn't even mention it when he comes back to the table.

It's almost 3 am when I get back to my house. My dad is still up in the living room, he catches me before I can avoid him. "Nathan come in here for a minute son. I haven't seen you much lately." I reply keeping it short "I've been busy with school and work. Just seems like so much shit is going on lately." His interest is peaked now why did I open my mouth. "Well let's hear it." I let out a huge sigh I did not wanna do this today but he will have decent advice. So I go into the story start to finish. He never once interrupts me I finish and he finally says "I don't see why you can't tell Alex. He should understand by now y'all are adults. She doesn't belong to either of you. Women are difficult son. Maybe she just needs to know where you stand." Does she even care where I stand anymore seemed to me like she's over all of it. "Yeah you're right it's just kinda complicated." He gives me his best dad being supportive smile "Nathan as your mother would say, I think you are making it more complicated than it is. If you love her tell her. Alex will eventually get over it." He doesn't know Alex like I do he won't.

Heading to my room spreading out across the bed. What the hell do I do now. Pulling my phone out of my pants pockets I have no new notifications. I pull up my text messages clicking her name. I reread some of the past messages. Scrolling back as far as it will go. I'm going to text her I have to.

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