Irrevocably You

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Fifteen

Kathryn

"Not tonight.. Please not tonight." I keep repeating to myself when I see Lauren waving me over to the table she is at. I don't look away from her until she remarks on how much fun we are going to have. I look up and see Nathan taking it all in, his eyes locked on me. He lok so sexy in his plaid button down with hints of green and white, Columbia grey vest and blue jeans. I turn back to her telling her "I was happy to see her and that I'll be back over soon." Making my escape from his sexy stare I can't handle being close to him tonight. I knew I could feel his presence, his deep brown eyes focused on me, always devouring me. The pain in my chest is almost more than I can take.

I have finally recovered after Meredith insisted only shots to calm my nerves. I'm off to the dance floor pulling her behind me. We dance to "Copperhead Road" I spot Alex when we turn he gives me the biggest smile. He moves closer and keeps on beat with the song. Once it's ended I go to walk off the dance floor but stop when I hear him calling my name. Turning he's wearing that cheesy smile I used to love holding his hand out to me. Without thinking I put my hand in his, not thinking about the false hope I am giving him. While he's spinning me around the dance floor so gracefully. You would thinking looking at us that we belong together but, if the truth is being told we do not. I do not intentionally mean to fall back into our old familiar pattern. I'm not sure if I am dancing with him to prove a point to Nathan or to myself.. At this rate it's a little of both. As the song ends heel release me and I walk away from him. Only to be met by no one else than the heartthrob himself... Jaxson says "Did you save a dance for me?" Sweeping me up into his arms. He's so charming and handsome but totally not for me. His dirty blonde hair falls above his green eyes with pearl white teeth. He thinks he's a gift to women and I'm sure most think he is... I however disagree. His cockiness is a complete turn off. But I humor him for half a song. Pulling me in so close to him I can feel his breath on my neck. All I'm thinking about is Nathan and how coming here tonight has completely set me back. I was doing better or at least I thought I was. I can feel his eyes on me watching me since the dance with Alex. I doubt he really cares. Jaxson clears his throat and says "Kat why don't you just let Alex know the truth. Nathan is a fool if he doesn't give it a chance." I pull away and keep walking I don't even want to hear what else he has to say. Hell with him and this whole damn night.

I finally convince everyone to leave. I can't risk seeing him or any of them anymore tonight. Once I finally get to my house I drop down on the bed kicking off my shoes. Laying back on the white bedspread closing my eyes. I think back to all the times Nathan's laid here and how beautiful his tan skin looked against the white. I miss him so much I feel it everywhere. My phone goes off and my eyes shoot open. I roll over looking in my purse that's on the floor. I finally find it the screen shows INCOMING CALL : NATHAN HAIL. My brain comes to a halt as I slide my find across the screen to answer.

"Hello?" I say into the phone. His voice is smooth with a hint of worry "Hey Kat! I texted you over an hour ago. I wanted to make sure you made it home safe." I reply "Um yeah I did! I've been here for about thirty minutes. Why are you calling me?" He pauses I hear him sigh into the phone "Do you have any idea how hard tonight was for me or how hard it's been since you made me leave you? Made me give up. I don't know what has happened to me but I can't shake you or this feeling. Seeing my best friends all but fight over your attention tonight broke me I can't keep it to myself. I'm missing you, everything about you. Ill do anything you want just please, Kat please." The sincerity in his voice is pulling at my heart so hard there's no denying it and in this instant I realize I love him. I love him so much that my heart nearly broke seeing him tonight. Just being in the same bar as him without him teasing me, torturing me, hell even fighting with me made it hard to breath. I finally reply "I know Nathan it was hard for me too. I have felt so lost without you but I don't even know what that means. I just don't know how to make us work if it's a secret. But tonight seeing all the hope in Alex's eyes it has to stay that way. I don't want to hurt him twice." He says "So can we at least try to work this out? You can come out to the Mill House anytime. If I have to continue to sneak and see you I will. I need to have you in my life and I don't even really know what that means." Oddly I know exactly what he means tonight I wanted Alex to be him holding on to me and spinning me around like he did in my living room. I wanted Alex to be him sweeping me off my feet like he does every time he lifts me into his arms. Everything is always coming back to him and I need him like I need oxygen. It's inevitable, utterly inevitable. I love this man even if he never knows it maybe I can show him. "Yeah I would really like that. Thanks for calling I was just thinking about you." I can her his smile through the phone as his voice changes into the Nathan I have became so found of "Well how about coming to spending the afternoon with me tomorrow we can do whatever you want. The guys are going to the first game of the season and I don't care to go. I could show you some of my favorite songs to play on the guitar." Loving the way that sounds I reply "Absolutely I'd love that." He says he will text when he's get up and moving. We say our goodbyes and I lay my phone on the night stand. Here in our town the Championship game is a big deal. On game nights all the businesses close early but on the night of Championship every where is closed. I usually go but I won't be tomorrow and neither will he! I was surprised that he would miss it everyone always goes. As I finally change and lay down feeling the complete relaxation take over, I drift off to sleep.

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