Irrevocably You

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After hanging up with Kathryn I feel relieved. Laying on my king sized bed wishing she was here with me and tomorrow she will be. I am trying and I want her to see that. I've never had any girl come over to my house mostly because I didn't care for them to know me. Looking around the room my three Gibson guitars on their stands in between the closet and dresser. On the dresser my hats are stacked up, a collection of shot glasses, some beer bottle tops and a watch or two I rarely wear. My bedroom suit is a dark cherry brown including the fire place mantel, bed spread is dark grey with red and black plaid sheet my mom gave me. I have a shelf full of old vinyl records. Some high school awards and diplomas decorating the walls. My room is simple and more me than I feel like I am sometimes. It could really expose me or make me more of a mystery than she already has herself thinking I am. Truth is I'm not a mystery at all I have pushed back my feeling for so long that once I actually got her I am scared to show it, scared for people like Sarah and Alex to find out. If Sarah finds out she will make it her goal to tell it to anyone who will listen or drop constant hints to Alex. Kathryn knows this that's why I knew she hadn't told her.

I get up to shower and brush my teeth. I pull on a t shirt and boxers crawling back into the bed. Letting my mind run free. What would it feel like to have her all to myself? For everyone to know we belong to each other? To get to tell her I love her without fear of losing her? Will that ever happen? These are questions I can't dwell on right now. I need to worry about what I can do tomorrow to ensure she has the best time and forgets about the chaos that has become our on again, off again relationship. Always clouding my mind, my judgement. Sarah has tried the last several times that we have been alone at their house. I can't see her the same way I see Kathryn. Maybe it's the difference in how they carry themselves. Kat is strong willed, independent, animalistic, the way she carries herself demands attention and above all else she is trustworthy. Sarah on the other hand is a smart, well rounded, can drink most guys under the table, and she was my first girl friend in middle school. I don't see her that way even when I tried to before this started with Kat. She has always been out of reach until she put herself within my reach. I know if Sarah finds out about our connection she will make it be known. Or worse tell Kathryn that we had a few close drunken nights. Shaking the thought out of my head I relax and try to drift off to sleep.

When I wake up it's 12:30 pm I grab my phone and call Kathryn. She answers her voice always so sweet "Well good morning sleepyhead." She says into the phone "Don't you mean good afternoon!" I laugh jokingly continuing "Come on over if you are ready Ill just jump in the shower. Same house from high school graduation party." I can tell she's smiling by how light her voice sounds "It will take me about 15 minutes. See you soon handsome." She's hangs up without another word I take a quick shower and grab some clothes out of the closet. It's been cooler outside lately I put on blue jeans, white crew neck t-shirt and my favorite red flannel leaving it unbuttoned. I towel dry my hair and I hear a knock on the door. My dad Tucker or Tuck as everyone calls him is still her he hasn't left for the game yet. I hear her voice flowing with his sounding so excited to see her like they are old friends. He says "Nathan is in his room only the lord knows if he's awake." Thanks dad for all the faith in me I open the door before she can make it down the hall she is smiling at me. Damn it if I haven't missed her smile. "Hey there handsome. Is this a new look." She's says grabbing both sides of my flannel pulling me to her I respond instantly my arms around her waist holding her like I could lose her at any moment. "Hey gorgeous. It's been to long since I've seen that smile." My hands now resting on her cheeks. She nuzzles her nose to mine. Shit why does she do this just to make me love her more. It takes all I can do not to pull he into my room and indulge in her!

I grab her hand pulling her out the back doe before my dad can catch her again. She always looks so good hit especially today she's wearing high waisted jeans that fit her just right, a over sized black sweater that hangs off one of her shoulders, her hair in loose curls falling down her back and black ankle boots. "Where are we going?" she giggles I unlock my truck and put her insides. "Well I thought maybe just maybe you might be hungry. Let's go grab something from uptown and we can come back and eat here." We ride into town she is humming along to the song on the radio I turn it up to better hear the song. I look over at her and she's sings along. "So let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater." The song ends she looks over at me and says "What are you looking at?" Shaking my head I say "You I was watching you. I've never seen you like this so carefree and happy." She glance out the window away from me replying "Maybe I just love that song?" I interrupt her "Or maybe you just missed me." I lay my right hand on her thigh. "Maybe so! I guess you can let your mind decide which one." She wrinkles her nose with the sweet smile still remaining. I want nothing more than for us to stay this was.

We walk into a small Chinese Restaurant that we obviously both eat more than we want to admit. We order and sit and wait only a few minutes the food is ready and we are on the way back to my house. I stop at the gas station right down from my house. I grab two bottles of Duplin red wine. As I'm checking out I hear someone calling me. I can feel all the color drain out of my face. "Hail? I thought you were going out of town with your mom today." It's Alex , and Jaxon shit I'm screwed. I turn around from putting my card in the machine. "What are y'all doing here? I'm about to leave now just grabbing a few things before I hit the road." Good thing she already bagged them or I'd be sunk. Jaxson replies back before Alex can say anything else "Well we better get going! Hail don't do anything I wouldn't do and half of what i would." He gives me a wink and they walk out of the store. The cashier gives me a look and I feel like she knows what going on. Hell I'm paranoid. They pull out the parking lot as I walk out the store. When I get in the truck she's says "Holy shit! We almost got caught." I turn to her and we share a few seconds of silence before we both bust out laughing. Maybe not the normal response but we are getting on the same page. She gets the humor in all of this. We finally get back to the house and I pull her straight to my room and shut the door. Forgetting I didn't even make my bed this morning I leave her to go get wine glasses. When I get back she is thumbing through my record barefoot the Chinese sitting on the dresser. She hears me shut the door back turning to me still holding the Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers album. "This one is my favorite! I love a greatest hits album." She says running her hand along the other albums as she places it back on its rightful place. Leaning against the door frame with my arms crossed I say "It's a classic! So I've noticed you are really into music, vintage T-shirts and books. What else do I need to know about the mystery that is Kathryn Carter?" She's already walking towards the unmade bed she sits on the end. Looking down then back up at me. She says " You already know more than most people. I love all things vintage. Now let's eat then we can talk." I grab the food as she slides down to the floor at the foot of the bed. My dad out did himself lighting the fireplace in the bed room. I need to make a mental note to thank him when I see him.

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