In my mind I never felt like I was capable of loving another or receiving love in return. She changed all of that the moment her eyes met mine. This is far too early to even be considering that possibility. After what just happened I can't imagine never feeling close to someone like that again. Her eyes are so warm they are a deep brown with the sweetest hint of golden flakes in the dim lights on inside my truck. She's sitting in my drivers seat with me standing directly between her thighs. Her curves in her jeans drive me crazy as I run my hands from her knees up the length of her leg memorizing every inch. My minds racing as I listen to her talk. So smart and witty she amazes me. I usually find most women to be boring and a waste of my time or effort. Kathryn she's well she's different. Zac Brown Band Colder Weather comes on the radio at a slight whisper. She is humming along to the lyrics. She looks up at me from underneath her thick black lashes and tilts her head to the side her mess of curls falling into her face once again. I trace her cheek under her eye down to her jawline as I remove the strands from her face. I know what's between us could never be so no one could know at the risk of Alex finding out.
He's been my friend for as long as I can remember we have become closer since they went their separate ways. I can't justify what I'm doing hell I don't even know. I know deep down I shouldn't want her the way that I do but I couldn't resist. I know Alex still holds a small candle for her how could he not. I've watched her from far away for far too long. She has been in my mind since I first saw here even though I knew she was his. Tonight she has become mine maybe not in a literal sense. But I can tell she feels it too. I would never admit it to her or anyone one else. I'm not going to give someone that much power over me. I've always been so cautious and observant. Watching from a distance. She's always been so playful and charming . I have wanted to know her since I was seventeen. Seeing her at school, passing her in the hallway, sitting down from her at lunch, cheering at football games always laughing and smiling. Even now at the in moonlight she is radiant.
I've often wondered what it would feel like to have her against me, breathing the same air. Surrounding myself in her. I can't shake Kathryn and this feeling I have around her. I've never felt this before the pull on my chest and the relief I've gotten being close to her. A feeling of complete comfort and the look she gave me when I mentioned watching a movie tonight. The biggest smile I've ever seen, her nose scrunching up and eyes squinting. Completely infectious as strange as it feels or maybe even sounds I never want that feeling to end. I couldn't resist I had to be as close as I could to her and once I touched her I couldn't stop. I willed myself to stop I simply couldn't.
Her voices startles me I was wrapped up in my thoughts "You know Nathan you are the last person I ever thought would be near me let alone at my house. You are so hard to read." Smiling slightly I reply " I wanted to be here. You will have to elaborate on that last thought. I'm a pretty simple guy." Knowing that bullshit I'm always in my head I am my own worst enemy. "You are a mystery to me. I don't know if I could figure you out if I tried." " Well I guess you will have to stick around to find out if I'm worth the hole we just dug ourselves into if this ever gets out. Her face dropping when I finished my sentence in instantly regret opening my mouth watching her light in her eyes go out. "Wow I guess you are right. Maybe this was a bad idea or a huge mistake." She says standing up and moving away from my touch. "Wait Kathryn that's not what I meant, I'm not ashamed of what happened but you know that we are playing with fire here Alex will lose it if he finds out. I would still like to see you if that's okay..." She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me swiftly on the lips without another word she's turns around and heads up the steps into her house. Shutting the door behind her, I'm left standing here unsure of what I am supposed to do.
In this very moment I know my life will never be the same after this. I get in my truck and decide maybe she needs a little space. Her relationship with Alex was solid they made sense, even though they are a lot different.He is the type to do everything he can or so he says to keep their relationship. Im not the type of man she needs. She is going to want loyalty and consistency, I don't know that I can do that. Don't get me wrong I have had girl friends but that was in high school. We all know that high school relationships for the most part aren't meant to last. So needless to say I have not been in an adult relationship. I don't know how this works