I shut the door to the house leaning my back against it sliding down onto the floor. How could this be happening? Where was my level head? I don't regret it but this tight feeling in my chest is unavoidable. Rubbing my hands down my face I force myself up to go shower. My mind still reeling from tonight or well today to say the least has been full of surprises. As I'm washing I can still feel the warm from his touch all over my body. Maybe I need to find out if it's just him or if I have lost my touch. It wasn't supposed to go that far. Yet I couldn't stop it. I don't know what I was thinking as I climb into bed my phone goes off I pick it up my hands are shaking "Nathan: hey! I just wanted you to know that I'm home. Also that I didn't mean what you thought I meant. Tonight was great. Talk soon?" I just sent a quick reply not even wanting to think about it anymore tonight "Me: Yeah of course. It's totally fine. Goodnight." Putting my phone away laying there staring at the ceiling but is it though is it okay? Who else could this possibly hurt?
A few weeks go by I'm siting at my desk at work it's Friday 4:50pm. I'm getting ready to head home for the weekend. When a text comes through "Nathan: Hey! Can I see you tonight or do you have plans?" I wait a few minutes and respond"Me: Sure what were you thinking?" Almost instantly he responds "Nathan: Maybe a movie.. For real this time. I'll come over about 8 tonight." Maybe I should make him wait a little so I put my phone away and get into my car finally deciding to reply before I get on the road. "Me: yeah of course." My heartbeat quickens and inside I'm craving his touch. As soon as I get home I jump into the shower. Feeling overly antsy I start watching one of my favorite movies The Breakfast Club. I always leave the my front door open when I'm at home. Headlights turn up the driveway. My heart is once again racing and for the life of me I can't figure out why... Who am I becoming no guy has made me feel like this. Ever. I'm always in control. But right now control is the last thing I'm feeling. Seconds later he is walking into my living room. Wearing a navy faded t shirt, light blue jeans and boots.
"Well don't you look comfortable" he says with a slight smile across his handsome face . "What movie do you want to watch I can change it." I say quickly dodging his comment. "We can watch this if you want to restart it." He replies. He sits directly beside me on the couch not leaving any space in between us. He always smells so good not like most guys heavy with cologne. He's not the type to show off or over dress he always seems so comfortable with who he is. I restart the movie I was already halfway through but I could watch this on repeat it's my comfort zone. His voice is soft as I look over at him and see him studying me. "You know I didn't mean anything by what I said. I wouldn't intentionally try to hurt you. But when you walked away it was something I didn't want to get used to seeing. You not smiling doesn't seem natural." As I'm taking in what he said not really sure how to respond or if I am even buying the nonsense coming out of his mouth. His hand is on my face drawing my attention back to his eyes intense with worry or lust I can't tell which. "Kathryn it's been heavy on my mind. Can you say something." Not even giving myself time to think being under his gaze is making it hard to concentrate I say "Yeah of course it's okay. I know what you meant by what you said. I thinks it's probably best that we keep whatever this is between us." He's so much closer to me now than before I could move an inch and be nose to nose with him. Is he always so intense? After a few seconds he moves back resting against the couch. Turning his attention back toward the TV. Did I say something I shouldn't have? He is so hard to read where as most guys fall at my feet. He's fighting me. Over what though is the question.
The tension is so thick I don't know if I would rather say something else or just remain silent. Like he can hear my thoughts he turns to face me again his hand resting on my knee softly moving up my arm. "You see the thing is I have tried to stay away from you. I've tried harder than you know but for the past few weeks I've felt more drawn to you than before." Tracing his fingers over my exposed shoulder his lips gentle as he caress it leaving heat behind his kisses. He continues to speak "I don't want to. But if you want me to say the word and I'll go!" Realizing he's waiting on me to respond I glance up from his lips to his eyes. "I don't want you to stay away. But if you are going to regret this. I'd rather just leave it as it is." That's all it takes his lips are on mine feeding the need I had for him to touch me. His mouth trailing down my to my neck. Everything else fades away.