Irrevocably You

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I wake up to the sun coming into the windows of her bedroom. She's still laying in the same spot she was before the sun came up. Her dark eyelashes cashing a shadow on her beautiful face. I reach for my phone to check the time. It's 6:10 I've got to get going my dad will never stop asking questions about where I've been. I look back down at her still laying wrapped around me. I wrap my arms around her to feel her warmth once more before I leave she sighs. "Whats wrong?" She says without opening her eyes "Nothing I have to get going. I don't want to leave." I rub my thumb along her jawline. Kissing her one last time. I move slowly so I don't wake her grabbing my pants and pulling them on then my boots. I head out the door locking it behind me. The drive home my mind is reeling.

Truly it's not my dad I'm worried about its the fact that I don't want someone to catch me during the day or take the chance of Alex beating me to my house. I don't want to lose her but he can't know. I've put myself here now one way or another one of them if not both will end up hurt or really pissed off. I would eventually have to make the choice between my best friend of ten plus years or the woman who makes me feel alive. She breathes life into me. I don't want to think of my life after her or what that will mean. I know I'm falling in love with her but truth be told I need to stop seeing Kathryn. She's giving me a chance and I just know I'm going to screw it up. Pulling up to my house I get out of the truck and walk inside. My dad is in the kitchen fumbling around. Shutting the door quietly I walk straight to my room. I'd rather avoid unnecessary questions from him this early in the morning. Laying on my bed I'm still thinking about her and what being at her house the past two nights has really done to me. I just don't see how she's so much like me. No one is.. Her voice is my favorite sound I could listen to her talk and laugh for the rest of my life. The likelihood of that happening is slim to none. I don't know when I'll see her again. I have to put some distance between us.

The next several weeks go by in a blur of work, home, school and nights out with the guys. I don't hear from Kathryn it's been a month and a half since I've talk to her. It's killing me to know what she's doing. It's Saturday night and being that it's summer time she might not even be in town her family lives at the beach this time of year. Id really like to see her before we leave for our annual family vacation in the morning. I text her before I can change my mind. "Hey are you busy tonight?" She responds back quickly "Not at all. I'm at the house. I'm with my sister and her friends her birthday is today." Thinking of how I can see her without sounding desperate. She's been all I think about it's driving me crazy. I've been trying to talk to other girls it's not the same. The more I try the more I crave her. "You want me to ride over?" I text back getting to the point she could be with someone else. "Sure come on." She replies I pull on my shoes and I'm out the door as fast as I can. Driving through town Jason Aldean comes on the radio a new song "Burnin It Down" the words hit me like they are for shadowing what's to come tonight.

I get out of the cab of my truck. I can already hear her laughter coming from her parents barn. They must be having a party. Her sisters Julianna and Charlotte are standing outside with Juli's boyfriend Dylan. Julianna comes up to me "Nathan did you come here to celebrate me or torture my sister some more." Before I can respond Kathryn comes out the door with their brother Travis and his girlfriend Heather. Kat comes straight to me wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'm so glad you came. I'm the oldest one here. You knew I wanted to see you." she says in my ear leaning away to look at me. She smells so sweet like she has been drinking something fruity. Charlotte the youngest of the her sisters gives me a warm smile she's obviously the more approving of the two. We walk past them and into the barn her hand laced in mine. She's always so affectionate but tonight she's all about me she pulls me to sit on an outdoor patio chair. As I sit she drapes her legs over mine sitting so close to me. The closer I get to her the stronger my pull to her is. Dylan comes over shaking my hand and asking how I've been. He's always been close with our group regardless of him being younger. Kathryn gets up talking to her sisters and he sits down next to me. "I didn't know you at Kat are like a thing? When did that happen.. and does Alex know?" I pull my attention from her back to him and respond " We have been spending time together since April but no he doesn't know. I haven't decided how to tell him." Dylan quickly coming back with "Man just tell him. She's not his property he can't say what y'all can or can't do. She moved on and clearly it's with you. She's never been like this since I've been around. And I've been around a long ass time. Longer you wait the worst it will be." I just shake my head in agreement I already know this I've thought all that through already. Kathryn comes back over to me as Dylan leaves to find Julianna. "You wanna go back to my house?" Smiling at her "Absolutely." We go to leave and Julianna stops us giving her a big hug and me a warning look "Happy Birthday Juls" I say and she smirks and walks off.

Kathryn takes my hand again as we walk together into her house. I pull her into me after we are in the door both of my hands holding hers behind her back she's facing me her smile is so bright even in the dim light from the range in the kitchen. Why can't I just tell her how feel? Because this isn't going to last like all good things they burn bright before they fade out.

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