Irrevocably You

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My thoughts are spinning as Nathan takes me into his arms I don't know if its from the alcohol or from being with him for the first time in months.His sweet woodsy smell I have missed so much. I haven't reached out to him or made any effort I promised myself last time if I woke up and he was gone. I would let him go. Here we are once again this time dancing in my living room without any music. He slowly moves my hands from behind my back to around his neck. He's missed me too his body is giving him away. He is pressed up against me. His glaze locked in on me like fire setting a spark inside of me.

Sliding his hands down my back, cupping my butt lifting me. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist, my hands in his hair as his mouth hungrily meets mine. Each stroke of his tongue more impatient. I need him now before I explode. He's been able to sense what I want since the beginning. He's weight is shifting and I realize now we are in my room. Laying me on top of my white bedspread I grab my phone pressing play as the music flows into the silent room. "Burnin It Down" playing my favorite new song. He smiles as he says "Lift your arms" he says as he starts undressing me then himself. I could watch him forever but right now I need him to touch me. He leans down pulling my hair from the lose pony tail on top of my head my curls bounce free falling around my face onto the bed. He runs his hands down my body as he whispers "I love the way you look when your hair is wild, you are so beautiful." My body responds instantly to him curving as his hands slowly caress my skin. "Nathan I want you. Now. Don't tease me." I say breathlessly. "I'm not teasing you I promise. I'm just taking my time." My face flushes I'm so thankful there is only a hint of light coming in through the window.

He slides my panties down and the next instant he's rubbing his fingers against me his mouth near my ear. "Tell me what you want from me." His voice barely audible and raspy. When I don't respond he says "Kathryn, babe tell me what you want." his legs in between mine. "You and only you" he smiles against my ear as he slams into me, filling me. "I want all of you Kathryn. Say that you are mine." I reply "Always" he continues giving me more and more pleasure. His forehead pressed against mine, his breathing labored. I push my hands to his chest rolling him over stretching his arms above his head holding onto the headboard. I turn facing away from him. Lowering down on his length he hisses I slowly giving him the same pleasure he's always giving me. Moving my hips in circles his hands grip my legs as we meets our release. He wastes no time pulling me down onto his chest.

His eyes closed he lays his opposite arm across his face covering his eyes. "Kathryn you always keep me on my toes. I never know what to expect from you. Hell I didn't know what I expected out of this but this wasn't it." I watch as his lips move. "We leave tomorrow for a week for a family vacation but I couldn't leave without seeing you." He shifts his weight and is now laying on his side facing me. "My mind is always spinning but when I'm here with you nothing else matters." I finally get a chance to say something as he's looking down away from me. Touching my palm against his cheek "Nathan I'm here as long as you want me. All you have to do is say the word. Just don't make me look like a fool." He looks up at me "I'm really not worth all the opportunities you give me. I know this isn't easy for you either. I don't know why it feels like we are in the wrong here." My hands on both sides of his face I say " It's because this feels right to you too and you aren't ready to let go. We both know how he feels about me seeing other people even though we have been through for five years. The more time you and I spend together the more time I want with you." His expression softens. "Where do you get all your grace?" I let out a soft giggle. "I just know what I want. I don't want to hurt anyone to get it but I don't think that will be an option. If you need to remove yourself for the sake of your friendship that's up to you. But for me I don't care if Alex knows. We shouldn't have to hide." He snuggles to me his nose touching my face. He replies" I don't know how this will end but I am putting all my cards on us." Laughter fills the room from both of us. He holds my hand up in the moonlight coming in the window. Lacing his fingers in mine. "Promise me Kat that we will make it through this." "I promise" I say in return. After a few hours of cuddling he has to leave it's 3 am which means only a little sleep for him before his trip. Walking him to the door he give me a deep kiss as if he's studying my lips with his own. He leans away from me only to nuzzle himself at my neck in my my hair. "I'm not ready to leave you." He says his words sounding so sincere but at this point I've sobered up. I have so much faith in our future and in the man that he is. But that doesn't mean it's going to work my heart is at war with my head.

It's been a week since he left. I've had a lot of time to think. We have texted back and forth very little since he's been gone but more than we normally do. Scrolling through our conversation it does make me more hopeful. Locking my phone and tossing it on the bed it's been a long work week and there is a huge party tonight. Sarah my best friend since forever convinced me to go. I get up to change only an hour before Sarah gets here. This is the second party in a weeks time I've been to. Grabbing my favorite black tank and jeans. After I'm dressed I add a little more makeup than usual and some eyeliner. Trying to channel all my control I feel like I've lost. My hair is in loose waves down my back adding my favorite gold hoops and my strappy sandals. I grab my purse and head to Sarah's house.

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