Diamond in the Rough

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Who Am I

Who am I ..do I appeal to your eye

What is it do you see in me

Can you see I am a little green

Have you seen my falls

Did you notice I have flaws

Am I that obvious

Or am I anonymous

Can you feel my breath when I breath

Have seen the times of me on my knees

Crying out

Did you hear me shout

Was your attraction

Attracted to my reaction of you

Even though I'm not perfect

I sometimes wonder if I am worth it

Looking for acceptance

But really all I need is to be in your presence

Dear God give me peace.

And give me eyes to see

That my life can be everything I want it to be

Long as I have you

So why am I so blue

..Who am I

July 16,

I lay in bed with my eyes to the ceiling I put my headphones on to drown out the outside noise.

Dear God,

It's me again I don't come to you like I should and I am sorry for that but first I come to you asking you for forgiveness for any and everything I have said that's not like you; I ask that you clean my heart purify me oh lord create in me a clean and renew with in me a right spirit wash me as white as snow. Lord my heart is heavy so I come to you to empty me I don't ever want to walk around hold grudges and angry because it can kill you and sir I don't want to be depressed because suicide follows so when my back is against the wall I look to you. I feel the anger and resentment of my situation and I refuse to be the victim I can't help but feel stretched. I love my mommy but she needs to heal from past mistakes I can't keep being her trash can she is looking for me to do something only you can do for her and while she is living her life still I can't keep putting mines on pause to please her. But even through everything she has been through thank you for still blessing her even if she can't see what I see you doing for her. Thank you for pushing her out there on her own; when the shop started in a small space she did not see the light because the tunnel was so dark for her but through me you help guide her to be now the most successful black woman in our city she has nothing to want for and that's all solely because of your kick I mean push . But God now that she is good what about me I want to live my life and not in the shadows I mean God I have a whole daddy that I didn't know existed!! And still I am being put in a stage to choose when I can't because my heart feels for both sides I was to know him better but I can't with out being seem that I am betraying the other party. God help me to understand why my life feels like I am at a standstill but I am sorry I am supposed to be grateful right? Happy that I wasn't raped, beat, sex traffic, or worse dead right? And I thank you for protecting me and my siblings but God I can't but feel like I am there for everyone else and no one is there for me. I implode while others explode on me I am a shoulder but who do I lay my shoulder on, who hugs me when I need one who sees me with the smile I force to hold back the tears when I want to just fall apart who is my breath when I can't breathe. Lord I am so sorry to come to you today with all of this I should be happy right I mean hey it is my 25th birthday.

I closed my eye and said my everyday prep "Okay Lily come on let's do this come on Lily get up"

Take my headphones out and immediately I hear the triplets busting down my door screaming happy birthday to me and jump on me and my bed with wet kisses and tight hugs Oh my God sometime I really hate them.

Macy: What we doing today

Nevaeh: Nothing I just to sit home and watch Netflix and eat seafood and cake

Luke: You deserve more than that

Nevaeh: Your sweet my little man

Matthew: But he is right you do a lot for us and we appreciate you so much

Macy: You are our second Mom

Nevaeh: Y'all trying to make me cry right?

Luke: No just telling the truth

I hug them tight and kiss them

Matthew: We saved our chore money to get you something

Macy: I picked it!

Luke: I picked the color!

Matthew: We all did TOGETHER!!!

He said putting Macy and Luke in they're place but Macy excited jingles the little silver and gold bag in my face so I took it to see what it was and it was a beautiful rose gold locket in a form of a heart.

Nevaeh: This is so beautiful you guys

Macy: Open the locket

So I did just to find a picture of me with them when they were at least 2 yrs old; in this picture I was hold Luke while Macy laid Matthew looked over my shoulder.

Nevaeh: This is my favorite picture

Luke: I know. You keep a copy in your top drawer

I looked at him. He is so non- shallot you could not have told me he knew that

Nevaeh: Come here Luke

He crawls up to me I grabbed him and hugged him extra tight; what they don't know about my little I don't care baby is that he comes and lay with me to make sure I am alright after an blow from mom. He doesn't sleep he hears and sees all

Nevaeh: Best gift ever thank you guys

They smile

Then my phone rings

Miceal: Happy Birthday Nevaeh

Nevaeh: Thank you

Miceal: I sent you something to your bank hope it's helps you celebrate your day

Nevaeh: So you did that was you 6 months ago

Miceal: Of course but enjoy the added bonus to that

I checked my bank account to find 6,000 more added to what he put in there last time

Miceal: Don't worry it will be monthly now since I am afloat of things now and bills will never be your worry anymore I got that

Nevaeh: I couldn't ask you to do that

Miceal: You didn't so don't bother

With a cracked throat

Nevaeh: Thank you

I said with tears falling

Miceal: I owe you this

Nevaeh: You owe me nothing but your love

He pauses

Miceal: I have to go now

I will never know what he was feeling on the other side of the phone. I get up go down stairs to greet my mom who was holding a birthday card in her hand

Nia: Happy Birthday my first born

I greeted her with a kiss

Nevaeh: Thank you mom

We all spent the day watching movies, talking, joking, oh and I talk to Golden for hours we caught like we never stopped ; we didn't talk much she is a workaholic but she makes sure to text me when she has time and vice versus. I actually talk to all the Noel's except two Belle' and her mother and last I talked to MJ. Kent punk ass even texted me; I didn't respond.. Jackass. As I got ready to go to bed my phone ranged

Nevaeh: Hello

Sylvia: Well my Dear you didn't think I would forget your big day

Nevaeh: Mrs. Sylvia how are you I miss you

Sylvia: I miss you more dear I am fine wish you would come back we have a lot to talk about; I came by the diner 6 months ago but you never showed so I left

Nevaeh: Yeah I took some time off

Sylvia: I have a gift for you. It should arrive soon.

Nevaeh: This late?

Sylvia: Why yes. I will talk to you later my dear. Love you

Nevaeh: Love you too.

An hour went by after talking to her I sat in my room looking at the moon and I start to think. I wonder how Hunter is doing I hope all is well with his father. I left the window and ran to my phone. No don't it's your birthday if he wanted to talk to you he should have don't you dare. I tell myself over and over again

{Knock, Knock}

Nia: I think you should go downstairs I am turning in for the night

Nevaeh: Huh

Nia: Just go open the damn door okay

So I put my robe on and head downstairs.

The doorbell ranged ; I opened it and a guy with his face covered walked in with a dozen long stem red roses and another after him with a dozen of long stem roses in pink and they kept coming one after another each with a different color it was a total of 24 and the men in unison said "Happy Birthday Miss Nevaeh" took a bow and left

Nevaeh: Wait a second where is the 25th

And when I turned around there was a 6 foot 5 guy holding the 25th but instead of roses they were Lilies. I gasped when he let the flowers down from over his face

Hunter: Happy Birthday Lilyana

Then he smiled with a star twinkling in his eyes. I ran to him he dropped the flowers quickly catching me in his arms twirling me around and holding on tight

Hunter: God I missed you

Lily: I didn't think I would hear from you

Hunter: I wouldn't have missed this never

I looked down at all the flowers and I looked back at him

Lily: Aren't you quite the charmer

Hunter: Well I had a little help

He said looking toward the staircase where my mom was smiling and winking at him

Lily: Wow we will discuss this later

She giggled going back upstairs

Hunter: I got some gifts for you but first these two are from Mrs. Sylvia and Golden

Mrs. Sylvia got me a yellow patent leather purse by Dooney and Burke and Golden got me an sister bracelet by Alex and Ani with a note letting me know that she has the match. My heart is overwhelmed

Hunter: And this is from me

He hands me a big gold bag; which holds inside a black dress with a touch of yellow and a pair of yellow patent leather pumps and a pair of rose gold diamond earrings.

Nevaeh: Hunter thank you

I said with teary eyes

Hunter: You are more than welcome

He says wiping my falling tear with his thumb

Hunter: You should go put this on with the purse and all this is only the beginning

Lily: Huh do you know what time it is

Hunter: 8:30 pm early bird

Lily: I have to-

Hunter: I made reservations for us

He says with his hand over my mouth

Hunter: So please get dressed. I have something planned

Lily: Okay

I race upstairs and sizing up the dress he got me to myself; it is so pretty the way it hugs my curves is amazing not to much but just enough it's a heart shaped halter dress with my back out just a little it's knee length dress with touches of yellow dots he got taste I put my locket with my bracelet and earrings changed purses and let my hair out its bun I straighten it earlier today moved it all to my right side then finished my makeup and headed out the door with my shoes in my hand our stairs are made different so it's best to put those on downstairs

As I walk down the stairs Hunter caught a glimpse of my foot and stood up immediately running to the stairs to catch my hand

Lily: I love my dress

Hunter: You look stunning Lilyana

He says kissing my hand; then he leads me to the couch sits me down taking the shoes out my hand he places them on my feet

Lily: You are quite the gentleman

Hunter: Ready to go

Lily: Yes

We left and the whole ride there was quiet signals with good music play and a side eye at each other with a smile. Then we up at river front

Lily: Where are we going I thought you said we had a reservations at a restaurant

Hunter: We do

Lily: I am sorry but where is the restaurant

Hunter: Lily look further

I squint my eyes and look further to see a yacht

Lily: Oh my God

Hunter smiles while getting out the car he goes in the backseat grabs somethings and then he opens my door and we walk to the yacht which is huge its white with the name Wesalton on it.

Hunter: I brung you a jacket since it can get a little chilly out here

Lily: Thank you. This is beautiful

He smiles. We get to the yacht he helped me on; this is my first time on a yacht

Lily: How did you

Hunter: The owner owed me a favor and when he heard I was bringing company he practically threw it at me

Lily: Aww

Server: Sir, Ma'am your dinner awaits you

Hunter: Okay

Server: Let me take this for you sir I will set it in your room

Hunter: Thank you

Server: Sir should we head out further

Hunter: Yes please remember what I said

The server looks at me and smiles

Server: Yes sir and Happy Birthday ma'am

Lily: Thank you

Hunter: While they prepare our table and we head out further would you like to see your room

Lily: Huh

Hunter: This is ours for the night and your mom and Macy packed your overnight bag Macy made sure you had all you needed plus a threatening letter from Matthew and Luke

Lily: My boys

Hunter: Yeah they are funny I like it though

Lily: Yeah okay until you meet them

We laughed he takes my hand and leads me to my room

My room was beyond beautiful rose petals all over my bed candles by the window just lovely

Lily: Where you sleeping

Hunter: The room across the hall

Lily: Can I see

Hunter: Sure

He takes me across the to see him which is very calm with blue light shining from the ceiling on to his bed he is very simple.

Lily: Nice but simple

Hunter: I am easy going

Lily: True

Hunter: If you want to freshen up I will go get started and making sure dinner is well

Lily: Okay

My room is amazing my bath tub is big and my view of the water lovely so I head out to where I can see Hunter and to see this candle light dinner set up

Lily: This is beautiful

I say to him while he leads me to my seat and scoots me in.

Server: Dinner is served

We ate, we talked.

Hunter: Okay hit me favorite Disney movie

Lily: What

Hunter: Oh come on. I know you know

Lily: Beauty and the Beast

Hunter: Intresting. Why?

Lily: She was a normal girl who just wanted better

Hunter looks at me while he continues to eat

Hunter: I figured that much

We ate some more I looked out into the sea and when I turn back Hunter is staring deeply in my eyes

Hunter: Sometimes I wonder what is going on in that brain of yours

I smiled. Then he got up and walked over to me he kneeled looking in my eyes and he grabs my calf.

Hunter: Do your feet hurt

Lily: Why you ask

Hunter: You women wear those heels and I just know they hurt your feet after a long time

Lily: Yes they do Oh My God!

Hunter looks at me as his hands move down to my foot and oh my God when his thumbs digs into the heel of my feet my back arched and I moaned while squeezing the table cloth; I didn't realize my eyes was closed and I opened them Hunter looked at me with a smirk Hunter looks at me

Lily: Sorry

Hunter: It's ok ; you need this I understand

He says as his thumbs digs deeper into the heel of my feet

Hunter: You have knot. A lot of tension

Lily: Yeah

Hunter: You work too much

Lily: I got to make a living

Hunter: That needs to change

I looked at him waiting on him to laugh but he don't he just stares at me

Hunter: Now come on

Lily: Where we going

Hunter: A better view is awaiting us

He take my hand and bare foot I follow him ; we go to the front of the Yacht where a blanket is laid out and a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

Lily: This view is amazing

I wrapped my arms around him he gripped me back; then he puts me in front of him and his hands went up my neck; then I felt his fingers in the back of my hair

Lily: What are you doing

Hunter: Putting your hair in a ponytail

Damn this feels good and he is so gentle

Lily: Jolly Giant

Hunter: Huh

Lily: Your my Jolly Giant

He pulls me close to him and sniffs my hair

Hunter: Your hair smells good

Lily: Thank you

He takes off his jacket puts it around my shoulder and we sit enjoying the view; silence filled the air and my heart beat was all I could hear.

Lily: Why are you so perfect

Hunter: Huh

Lily: Why are you so perfect

Hunter: I am far from it

Lily: You are different

He looks at me

Lily: Not in a bad way but I mean you being this

Hunter: This What?

Lily: You

He gets up and stand close to the edge of the Yacht ; it's silent again I mean damn good job Lily you had to say something

Lily: If I offended you I am sorry and know this is the best birthday I have had in years and I am glad I ended it with you since you were all I thought about and wanted to hear from and see all day

I walked away.

Hunter: For years I had been just to myself work home and repeat but

Lily: But what

Hunter: Look I don't know how to be what you are use to. What you are getting is genuine don't worry I don't want anything from you but what we already have.

Lily: I know I am not use to a genuine guy sorry normally it is always a catch when everything goes good like this I mean you are a guy a girl dreams of and here you are with me knowing that at the end of the night I won't be in your room I will be in my own and you are okay with that

Hunter: Because I value this relationship you are worth this and more and if I can only have just a moment with you I feel it's worth it

Lily: Why

Hunter: Because I see you the real you and that is satisfying enough

Before I knew it he was right in front of me face to face I could feel the heat off his body; he looked at me so deep in my eyes I fell stiff I couldn't move then he licked and bit his bottom lip and I began to melt

Hunter: I have to go, good night Lily

He said walking off.

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