I don't want to leave her. I sit on the worn brown benches in the church. I look around the big old church. It needs a makeover bad. The paint is fading off the windows, and the walls could use an excellent paint job. Will he ever stop talking? He has been talking for a long time that is my father taking forever and repeating himself, probably drunk, my guess. I resent him.
"You okay, baby." I hear David. My boyfriend asks me as he has his arm wrapped around me, holding me close.
"I lost my mother. How do you think I am David," I say to him sarcastically. I roll my eyes at him.
"Aurora. Would you like to come up here and say some words for momma?" My father finally asks me. Of course, I do. Why wouldn't I?
I make my way to the stage. I adjust the microphone, which slips from my sweaty hands. I look around, and I see people I don't even know here. I know the one man who is here well, who owns most of the women's shelters my mom, and I started working five months ago is my boss. We make eye contact.
"What I can tell those of you who don't know my mother' she was beautiful, kind; she would do anything for you. My mothers' passion was running homes for batter women and children. I plan to do the same keep it going in honor of my mother." Once again, the warm liquid run's down my face.
"I have many special memories of you the way you smiled that lit up a room. If only I could see that smile just for a little while. I wish I could sit and talk to you again like we use to for hours. You mean so much to me, momma. How will I ever get over the loss of you?" My vision is blurry. I taste the saltiness of my tears. I get down. I can't speak anymore.
I focus my vision, and my eyes lock with Vincenzo with eyes that light my soul on fire. The man that talked to me for hours when mom passed, I stayed in her office for a few days. I smile big at him; to my surprise, he smiles back. I feel this odd energy in here. I grab my throat, and I feel like I can't breathe. My breathing is heavy, and my hands are clammy.
I don't know how or when, but we are sitting on the steps. I feel much better. It is gloomy and snowing out freezing temperatures in New York. I feel calm on this step my mother looked beautiful but she didn’t look like her or fell like her smelled like her is that normal?
This day has been crazy. Overwhelmed with people saying all damn day, “sorry for your loss" Same words over and over with some real and most of them fake, half the people here are for my father, few for my mother. Don't you think it is overwhelming when people are in your face or calling to keep saying sorry for your loss? Then Things have been happening with Vincenzo and me. Those feeling are overwhelming. Maybe I will move back home with my nana and papa. They are my mothers' parents and live in Russia.
"We better get in there, Aurora; you are having a bad day. This is hard for everyone but even harder for you. Just overwhelmed with stress and grief. I saw you look at him, and then you ran off."
" I lost it. Just stressed out is all. Vincenzo has this effect on me. I don't know. I got frantic, couldn't breathe." I put my head in my hands and cry.
"AURORA ROSE!!" My father is yelling at me loudly outside.
He is a shitty father, and his famous excuse was the 'bible says to spare the rod' If I did not do well in school, I brought home a B or lower grade, I got the belt. He would beat me to my bottom, was red and bleeding. He would slap me in the face. He calls it tough love. I call it a drunken, abusive asshole.
"Father," I don't bother to look at him.
The burial was beautiful. Was everything momma' wanted? Her casket, Sunday dress, makeup was done how she loved it. Her favorite songs played as we buried her. Once the dirt-covered her, it hit me hard. It became real. I don't have my beautiful mother anymore. I stay behind a little longer. I feel hands on my shoulders; I know them hands; they always set me on fire.
"I am fine. I probably should get in the limo head to the hall for her wake with my dad." I sigh. I stroll to the limo with my dad and David, both giving me an all-knowing look.
I look in the mirror. I look like my mother. Expect the Long raven hair, the purple eyes my mom said they come from her side only a few had them. I have high cheekbones, and I got her figure too. I look tired; all I see are sad eyes looking back at me. I hope with time, and I can move on and be happy. I feel trap in this life.
I walk out into the hall for mom's wake. I head for Lily, Vincenzo, Luca, where they are sitting. I don't want to be by David after what he did. My father is too overbearing and acts as if he can still control my life.
"My father gives his condolences as he couldn't attend. He is back home with Ariel.” He said in a sexy husky voice
"I understand. I want to start working on the project with you guys that mom was doing too. I want to take her place if you allow me?" He smiles big at me, exposing his beautiful white straight teeth.
"You know I would do anything for you, Aurora; the job was always going to be yours. Ivanna built these shelters; she made them what they are with her knowledge. I know you will make her proud." He says in a sweet voice.
This man proves to me he cares about me every-time we are together. We can talk about anything. I always find him and his family a mystery, like they are hiding something. I should be with my family, but here I am, where I feel the most comfortable.
"Means a lot to have your support. I look forward to working together." I smile big at him. He reached for my hand; I feel the electricity flow through my body.
"Come over for drinks later, Aurora; we can talk about work and take your mind off today; you need to breathe and relax. That was a bad panic attack. I have seen what David did. That made me pissed off." He is clenching his jaw at the mention of David's name.
I feel embarrassed by what he saw. I need to get away from him. I am about to go against my better judgment. I can’t take this I need to hurry and get away from here before I expose myself of how I feel about Vincenzo.
"I am perfect. I am with my new friend Luca." I smile big at her.
"They are great friends and doing good things; why would I stop working with them? They are giving me moms' job." He is giving me the evil eye. David is giving me a questionable look as well.
Oh well, I cannot be bothered with either one. Done with the night, don't want to talk to anyone. I want to get to that box and shower hangout with Vincenzo.
Ding, I hear my phone go off. I grab it out of my purse, seeing it is Lily texting.
Hey, bitch!! I am going to stay at Lucas. Aurora, let yourself; feel free, even if that is to allow Vincenzo to take the pain away.
She is right, is crazy; what the hell does that mean let Vincenzo take the pain away? Who am I kidding? I know what she means, and I even know why I am going there for him to numb my pain. I want to feel again. I hadn't felt alive since I was thirteen when dad first took the belt to me.
We are just talking about work. Come on, you know I am with David.
I am lying to her and myself. She replied with an eye-rolling emoji. I am nervous. I know this doesn't seem right I should go home and go to bed, not hang out with him. I know exactly what I want him.