How will we survive.
Been two weeks since I had been home; my babies never forgot me. I could not nurse them due to being gone, coma my milk dried up. I was worried they would forget their momma; Ariel has been attached to me. She won't leave my side, and that is okay. I am having a hard time with Vincenzo sensually touching me. We both agreed to see a counselor that works for him; of course, it would be a great idea to talk—I suffer from mile PTSD.
Vincenzo has talked with me about what all happened. I have so many questions as to where is Eliana, Angelo. Did they get killed? Vincenzo said a lot happen; a lot of people betrayed him. Luca and I have been bonding; he has become a big part of my life; he is a great friend I can trust him well… besides Lily, who is now living here in Sicily. She said she can't be away from me ever again. I couldn't be happier.
"Kitten, ready to talk. The kids are with Lily in the playroom. I know you have any questions. I also have the therapist; she is good. I have seen her. This life can be hard. I don't enjoy it, but this is something I can't just leave because even if we leave, we are at greater risk." He tells me with a soft voice as he holds my hand, kissing it and rubbing my cheek with his free hand.
"What happen while I was gone and in a coma?" I ask with a stern voice wanting the truth. He has been avoiding this conversation well no more.
"Eliana, Angelo was working against me. It turns out a big chunk of money and broken promises can make a man you thought as a family will turn against you; Eliana was Manny's step-daughter. While I was looking for you, I had them locked up, but somehow they got free with manny's younger son. We don't know where they are, but we will find them. I can promise that." He tells me as his voice cracks, and he is hurt and in pain. He was betrayed.
I don't know what to say after telling me that I couldn't believe Angelo was behind this. Eliana was good at her game. I will give her that I thought she was a shy sweet girl but she a Romano nothing about them is nice and sweet. I am worried about them still out there. Will they try and get the kids and me, or will they try and kill my family? So many thoughts are going through my head.
"This is a lot. I am sorry you had to deal with me being gone and everything else, but hopefully, we can survive this, babe; I love you!" I tell him as I look him in the eyes.
I lean him down, capturing his lips. As we kiss soft and gentle, I can feel his tears hit my face. I am taking it back. I don't think I had ever seen this man close to crying, not even when she was shot. I hold him tight with my warm, salty tears run down my face.
"You are so pure and a true angel. You were apologizing to me when you were the one who went through far worse than me. I let the ball drop and look at what happens to you. I was having a hard time forgiving myself." He tells me with a soft voice that is cracking from him being upset.
"You didn't know, and I forgive you. Not your fault at all. Let's try and get past this move forward. I want you to train me to be a better fighter and shooter so I can protect myself." I tell him with a harsh tone as we stay holding each other.
He got a text—Victoria, who is nowhere. I am dreading talking to someone. I don't want anyone to know my fears or feelings in general. Like I will have to be vulnerable with her, my true feelings will come out as I haven't forgiven Vincenzo. I think it's his fault I do resent him in some ways. I love him. He still feels like my soulmate but is that enough to stay?
I enter our private room in the house. I see a beautiful redhead with long legs on the things, but curvy, I find myself jealous of her; she caries herself very sophisticated and confident. I wonder if Vincenzo slept with her; she looks like his type. I push back those thoughts right now. I am not ready for intimacy with him.
"You must be Aurora, and I am Victoria Bocci." She tells me with a professional voice with her hand extended to shake. I nod and shake her hand.
I take a seat, not sure what to expect or what I will get out of this. Will she tell Vincenzo what we talk about in this room? I feel like I don't know who to trust anymore besides my kids. This feels like I am being closed in, and I can’t breathe. I want to run out of here, but why am I letting these women or anyone make me feel uncomfortable in my own home?
"This is a safe zone. What we talk about stays here. I am here to help you, Aurora." She says with a soft, soothing voice I think I can trust her.
"Okay, I need to say everything now before I get up and leave.” She nods for me to keep going.
She is looking at me as she writes on paper. What is she writing down? Notes to give to Vincenzo? No! Hell, maybe I don't know I am in my damn head! I wouldn't say I like this feeling weak I came along the way. I feel like I am back to that broken little girl again.
"You went through a lot that was very traumatic; these are normal feelings. I think you have your answers already, but you are scared of being hurt again. You will try and push everyone away; this is normal with PTSD. Think we should start you on a safe medication for anxiety and depression." She is still professional, but I see something in her eyes sympathy, maybe?
We talked more about my childhood, mom, the man I thought was my father and my newly found father, brothers we spoke about so much. I feel better. I agreed to make weekly appointments with her, and I decided I need the medication; I hope it helps me. I love Vincenzo. We agreed I need to let him know how I feel and my fears for moving forward.
I miss his touch, the way he controls me, and loves me the sex we had. I want it all again. I want to be strong. Just so hard to survive this. Hard to deal with, but if I am going to be with him forever, then I need to mentally prepare myself more, learn to be a stronger fighter. I know if I leave, my boys don’t. They are made to rule.
I leave the room with tears as Vincenzo looks at me. I know I have to tell him how I am feeling.
Vincenzo and I sat down; we talked more about my feelings and fears; he said he knew I was having doubts in him, he was scared of losing me and his kids worried I would take them all and run away. He pissed off and left said he needed time to think when he is upset; he doesn't want me to see him like that.
I understand I dropped a bomb on him. He agreed I should take the medication, train me to fight, and shoo better. I have to see my dad and work out things with him. I have avoided him; she was right; I am pushing everyone who is there for me who truly loves me away, and I don't want to them out of my life. I have a love and an honest family.
I sit in the playroom with Arial and the boys. They are crawling now. I am always in awe of them and the new things they all discover. I tried to text Vin to see when he would be back. I am ordering take out he not answering me. It wasn’t my attention to hurt him, but damn I am stretching to. It would be unfair to lie and keep my feelings bottled up.
I have the boys in a highchair with their food, and Ariel is eating nuggets and mac n cheese; her request, I got myself Chinese. I text Vin told him to get his shit together and figure what he is eating because I got myself food. I can't be bothered with his shit. Now I am pissed. I think it’s a good idea to leave when mad gives time to cool off but then when the person is gone longer than an hour, and you get all pissed off again.
I don't know what time it is. I hear the bedroom door open. I can see him stumbling around must be drunk. I get up to go over to him, ready to yell at him, decide when he is sober, we can talk this out. As I get close, I can smell women’s perfume. Now my temper is boiling, and I think the worse, he likes to kill or fuck hard and punish a woman when he angry. If he can’t touch me, would he be touching someone else?
I hall off and smack him hard as I can across the face, hearing it echoes in the room; he goes to hit me, realizing it was me who shot him. He rubs his cheek, and the next thing I know, he pins me to the wall hard his eyes are red as his jaw clenches.
“You want to hit me again like that? Come on, try it, Kitten. What you want to take the kids and leave go, then no one is stopping you!” He is shouting in my face as his hand is close to my throat; this is what I wanted, but I was scared.
“Why so you can go fuck all the women you want like tonight asshole, you leave me after I told you my feelings and concerns. I love you, but now I don't if that is enough for you!!” I shout back in his face with tears.
“You know what, Aurora, and I will never want you to leave me or take my kids; you married a man who will take what he wants. I haven't fucked another woman besides you and only you. I was at my club. Yes, fucking women tried to sleep with me and rubbed up on me, but I did not allow it. We either move past life together for the kids because divorce is not happening.” He tells me in a harsh tone. I believe his divorce won’t happen.
He kisses my lips hard and rips my T-shirt in half leaving me exposed to him. The fire is back; I want him more than ever as I kiss him back with just as much passion and anger. He inserts two digits inside me, never breaking the kiss leaving me panting and gasping for air.
He thrust his fingers in and out hard as he hits that spot just right. I start to see stars dance around as I reach that high that I missed so much. I clench around his fingers, letting myself go as I scream out his name, climaxing hard, feeling my juices drip all over his fingers.
“Fuck, Kitten, you are my world. I love you so much. I am sorry for everything. Let me make it up to you. I need you.” He whispers in his ear. I can tell his tone hurts him.
“Let me shower, cuddle you when we fuck. I want to do the right way the way I have been craving you.” He tells me as he kisses my head softly.
“I love you, and I forgive you this time. I mean it, I can't be without you have to learn how to survive this together.” I tell him as my voice cracks.
I lay down feeling guilty for thinking he could cheat on me. I know deep down he would never do that emotions are high. I know he wasn't lying; he will never me leave; we can't divorce ever. We both signed that document.