How can I go in there and start a fight? Why was she in that mans arms? I would be killed if I went in there. I paced outside in the back yard for what felt like hours. No one even came out to check on me. Had I done the right thing? I just gave up my life for her and this is how she repays me. I was lost at that moment. I was beyond angry and hurt. I needed answers that only Carolina could give me.
"Nash, I need to talk to you." He looked down at me and his grip on me was strong. I hated to see him laid up in this bed, but at least I knew my family was taking care of him.
"What is it?" He asked me. I moved myself up and turned to look at him. I took a deep breath. I started out by telling him what I was going through while they held me. I then told him what my plan was to get myself out. He listened to me without interrupting me.
"I don't know how it happened Nash, but..."
"You have feelings for him?" I nodded and Nash just looked away from me. "Did you sleep with him?"
"Before you knew how you felt or after?"
"Both, I guess."
"So what dose this mean for us? I mean after I kill him." I sighed.
"You're not killing anyone Nash." He turned and looked at me again. I knew he was very serious. "I have to tell him about us. I haven't told him the truth. Mostly because I was still trying to escape. I needed his trust and I used him. I don't know how it happened, but I care about him."
"Because he was good to you, and you have a big heart." Nash reached out and ran his fingers down my face. "Do you love him?"
"I don't know. I know I love you." Nash just laid his head back down and looked up at the ceiling.
"You have to figure out what it is that you want Carolina." I knew he was right, I guess I was being selfish in thinking Nash would figure it out for me. Or at least they would give me some answers. I really had no idea what I was doing here. I fell for Nash and I knew I loved him, but then my own plan backfire's on me and I catch feelings for Cordel. I knew I needed to talk with Cordel next. I pushed myself off of Nash's bed. He looked at me and I could see the pain in his eyes. I walked back over and I kissed his head. He reached out and pulled me back into his lips.
I found Cordel out back facing away from the house. I sliped outside and closed the door behind me. I walked out to him and stood behind him. "We need to talk." I said in almost a whisper. Cordel turned and reached out and grabbed my arm. He pulled me further away from the house. He stopped and turned and looked at me. He then crossed his arms. I sighed and looked away from him as I opened my mouth and came completely clean with him. Like Nash, Cordel just listened and didn't interrupted me. "You played me?" He asked as he cocked his head at me.
"No, well at first yes, but." Cordel cut me off.
"Just stop Carolina." He said as he put his hands up at me. "I can't believe you fucking played me. I gave you my heart and my life. You are nothing but a slut." He turned away from em and that hurt my heart. How could I even get mad at him for that? It was the truth and I will be nothing short of lucky if I end up with either of them.
"Fine, I'm a slut, but I fell for you and now I'm here and my family will protect you for what you have down for me." I watched as Cordel just shook his head.
"You think I'm going to stay here now?" My eyes got big.
"You can't go, they will kill you."
"Then so be it, I gave up everything for you and you turned out to be a liar."
"I didn't lie about my feelings for you."
"What about him? Dose he know what you have been doing?" I nodded my head at Cordel.
"I just told him everything." I went to reach out for Cordel. He moved away from me. "Please don't leave." I felt my tears start to sting my eyes. I didn't deserve anyone. I knew they both cared about me and I cared about them both, but the pain I was the cause of was now killing me on the inside. I had no idea how to fix this but to leave them both alone. I only had to try and keep Cordel from taking off. Nash wasn't going anywhere right now, but Cordel could take off at any moment.
"I don't belong here." He said. I didn't care if he wanted me to let him be. I run into his arms and pulled him close to me. "Stop it Carolina." He said.
"You listen to me. I fucked up okay. I get it, but I don't want anything to happen to you. Please, please Cordel don't leave." I yelled into him as my tears fell down my cheeks. I looked u at him and he was refusing to look back at me. "Please Cordel." I would beg over and over again if I had too.
"Carolina, let me go." I dropped my arms and Cordel walked back into the house. I just stayed out there and looked up at the sky. I really fucked up. I heard the door open and when i turned and looked. DeAngelo was walking towards me. I really didn't want to talk to him right now, but I didn't want to be a bitch.
"Carloina?" I heard him and I turned to face him. He walked really close to me and tried to reach out and touch my face.
"Please Angelo, I'm not in the mood." He smiled at me.
"Real life sucks, right." I just nodded at him and more tears fell down my face. "Hey don't cry, I'm here if you want to talk. Were still friends, right?" He asked with a slight smile on his face.
"I'm just a big fuck up."
"No Carolina your not. Your just human. Like the rest of us." I took a deep breath. DeAngelo opened his arms and I went in for the hug. I needed it and I knew it was nothing more then that.
Its been almost two weeks and we have returned back home to Italy. Nash and Cordel have both come with us. Not one of them have said a word to me. I do my best to stay out of their ways. They are both working along side of my family. I guess Cordel has been a huge help. My father comes and talks to me in the evenings. Letting me know how things are going. I have been put on a tight leash now that people know who I am. It sucks but the last thing I need to do right now is cause anymore problems. I miss them both and it's hard on my heart. The only thing I take comfort in at the moment is Nash and Cordel haven't tried to kill each other. I guess my father had a talk with both of them and they agreed to let it go.
I'm happy Cordel is still here. My father told me how broken they both feel. Cordel had no problem letting my father know how he felt. Nash on the other hand has keep his feelings to himself. My father told me to just let them both be for now and I have done just that. My house is huge, but still it's hard not to run into them. The house might as well be a shed.
Tonight the family has gotten together for dinner and meetings. Most of my fathers members will be here and i have to show my face. I hated this, I mean I used to love these get togethers. Now I had to show my face to my men. I was running late and I had just finished up my makeup. I got downstairs and the house was filled with voices and laughter. Once I hit the bottom of the steps.
I looked up and my eyes first landed on Nash. he was in the corner of the room with Vance standing next to him. There was also two woman, I didn't know taking with them as well. Nash had a smile on his face. I just sighed as they were only talking and Nash didn't even notice me. I moved to try and find my father and brother. I walked into the room and found my father in the kitchen talking with a man I had never seen. I walked over to my father and he smiled down at me. "So this must be her?" The man said.
"Yes, Nick. This is my beautiful daughter Carolina." The man took my hand and kissed it.
"Yes, Mr Conti. She is very beautiful." I just smiled at him and looked away. I was scanning the room for Cordel. I didn't see him anywhere.
"Daddy, is Cordel here?" I asked him. My father took a look around.
"I saw him earlier. I know he is around here somewhere." I nodded at him.
"It was nice to meet you Nick." I said to the other man. I walked off in search of Cordel. Nash was still talking with the other woman. I rolled my eyes to myself and kept moving. I heard a soft voice down the hall. I walked towards it and that's when I found some woman pressed against Cordel and the wall. I crossed my arms and just stood there. "At least I now know where we stand." Cordel looked over at me and It was like the blood left his face. I turned to walk away when I heard him call out to me. I moved myself faster and I knew he was following me.
"Carolina wait." He hollered out to me. I tuned into the living room where everyone turned to look at me as I headed up the steps. When I got to the top i saw Nash was following us. Fuck this wasn't going to go well. I did my best to get them as far from the views of others as I could. "Carolina stop!" Cordel yelled out. I stopped but didn't turn around.
"What Cordel, what do you want?" I snapped.
"You don't get to snap at me." I heard him say. I turned and was shocked that him and Nash were side by side with both their arms crossed. Oh, so it was time to gang up on me? The both of them were two huge sexy ass men.
"What do you want from us?' Nash snapped. Cordel didn't even flinch. I shook my head.
"I wanted you both to understand."
"Understand what?" Cordel hissed out.
"You know what? Just forget it. Go back down to your party and fuck some randoms to make yourselves feel better." I hollered out at them both.
"Why so you can go do the same and feel no shame?" Nash said and my mouth fell open. I couldn't believe he just said that to me. I didn't know weather to fight back or just stand there and take it.