Standing on the balcony of my presidential suite, binoculars in hand. I stare down at the people walking by below me.
I’m on the twenty-fifth floor with a spectacular view of the beach. But that’s not what I’m looking for, no.
“She’s two minutes late,” Glancing at my watch I mutter to myself.
The feeling of boredom steeps into my consciousness as I wait for her to show up. My mood in the past two years has become flat and dull, the sun simply stopped shining in my life.
After achieving so much success and standing on top of the world, I feel there’s nothing left to conquer hence, the dullness in my life.
I feel like a ghost running through time and space, looking, always looking in the blackness for a sacred spark.
There’s a silence in my soul; it’s like a void.
A dark void. A never-ending dark void that consumes everything, so I’m left feeling nothing.
The whole story is: I’m a mafia boss, ruthless and cold. Psychotic, some would call me.
I’m feared by many and loved by none, not even by my own family… my parents dishonoured me when I was fifteen and tried as much as possible to make my brothers hate me… to them, I’m nothing but a gang leader, a filthy criminal.
And never have I tried to prove them wrong. Instead, I became the very thing they despised.
Every man has secret sorrows that the world does not see, and often that man is called cold when he’s only sad. That’s the story of my life, I’m not as cold nor as ruthless as people perceive me to be. But people tend to fear and despise those with power and I have loads of it.
At heart, I’ve always been a coper, I’ve mostly been able to walk around with my wounds safely hidden. I am constantly surrounded by many people and even when surrounded by all these people, it can’t be any lonelier than when by myself.
I can be in a huge crowd, but I don’t feel like I can trust anyone or talk to anybody, I feel like I’m really alone, even when I’m among my loved ones—my family.
The emptiness is always there; I consider myself decent at hiding it, masking it with normal human emotions… We all have a darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it.
I don’t mind being a mafia boss, I like what I do.
Yes, the job is dangerous and life-threatening, I have people trying to kill me every day but losing my life isn’t the worst thing that could happen... The worst thing is to lose my reason for living.
As my days blend with no distinction, I feel the chill in my blood, the coldness bringing the synapses of my brain to a standstill.
Part of it is a pain, one I can endure, but I need some kind of diversion, a reason to go on… And that comes in the form of the beautiful Pearl Reinhart.
We’d bumped into each other over a week ago, right outside this very hotel. She was running late on one of her deliveries like she is today.
I had to repress my annoyance at such carelessness, as she fumbled, trying to pick up her things and ‘out of the goodness of my heart,’ decided to help her out and man was I glad.
The most beautiful pair of alluring eyes met mine and halted me in my tracks. It felt like liquid adrenaline was being injected right into my bloodstream — just enough to make me excited.
My skin tingled when we locked eyes, locking me in a trance with such intensity; looking away was unthinkable. Looking into those large doe eyes — the most beautiful hazel, so innocent, felt like looking into the sun for too long — it almost burnt, but the burning sensation was satisfying, it felt good.
However, in that awful, god-forsaken, short moment, I thought she could see right through me, the dark abyss that’s my soul — I felt… exposed under those beautiful eyes. The thought was unnerving.
Her eyes wandered around the crowd. Mine stayed locked on her. She bit her lip nervously and was a little embarrassed, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear before quickly uttering an apology and running off not sparing me a second glance.
I stayed rooted in the same spot, like a deer caught in the headlights — my breath slower, deeper… happier.
‘So, someone’s after my heart’, my last coherent thought as I watched her disappear in the mass of people,
She’s always there in my mind. Every day when I see her, that’s it. I’m thinking about her for the entire day. That beautiful face and those beautiful eyes have hunted me since the day I’d seen them.
I can’t get the damn girl out of my mind, and it seriously pisses me off. For the first time in years, my nerves are so bad I shake at just the thought of the girl.
And for that, I had one of my men do a background check on her and pored over the information I’d received about her every chance I got.
It’s simply driving me crazy...her face, lips, and eyes are all my brain can dwell on. In the first days after our encounter, I replayed the little incident in my head.
And now here I am, binoculars in hand as I nervously wait for her to drop her delivery. Fortunately for me, I guess, one of the buildings opposite the hotel always orders spicy chicken from the restaurant she works at.
‘What’s fucking taking her so long? Did something happen to her? Was she fired or did she quit?’ My mind burns with questions as my anxiety takes over.
I look through the binoculars and catch her figure running with a delivery bag thrown over her shoulder... I watch her like she has the stars in her hands.
God, I feel like a creeper.
No, I am a creeper.
No sane person my age would spy on a young girl like I am; but then again I’m not sane and I’m not that old either, I’m only twenty-seven.
Yes, she’s ten years younger than I am and yes, she’s seventeen, underage and very illegal but I don’t give a fuck. I run a fucking mafia, doing illegal shit is my speciality. Besides my mother is twelve years younger than my father.
Still, I actually never thought I’d find myself mooning over sure a young girl… but here I am, reality can be such a bitch, huh? Not that I’m complaining though, this girl is beautiful.
I knew it would eventually lead to this. I knew I’d have to see her again. I’d known it ever since she met my eyes. I tried to deny it, but I just have to her, I’ll do whatever it takes to make her mine.
I understand she’s young and it would be a terrible crime to ruin such innocence, even I know not to ruin such innocence, so I waited… God knows I waited to see if I’d forget about her.
Seeing her makes my heart twirl. I can’t help but feel this way about her. Her big eyes, the way she moves. I admire her perfection as I know that’s as far as I could ever get. I can’t help but imagine us together.
I want to wrap her lithe body in my arms and never let go, but she’ll never be mine. That much I already know. My world is simply far too dangerous for such a precious Pearl.
At the moment I’m content with just looking at her from afar.
A smile creeps onto my face and the air grows thick with tenderness as I watch her exit the building, she looks left and then right before she starts running again.
She’s always running. But she can never run away from me.