Chapter 1 FIXATION
Marilyn Monroe said “It is better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." I did both, then what’s next? Being bored and being ridiculous are nothing compared to the emptiness I felt. It occupied so much space inside me like a typhoon raging in the open field. I almost died twice and was saved twice by the only person in my mind and in my heart.
What if I died? Lucifer maybe a good companion than my emptiness. What if I kill myself now? My enemy will laugh at my inanity, who cares?
I have not been born with my strength. I have learned how to be strong of my own yet, my strength was not enough to fill the blank space inside me. I have read that love is an open sesame to my soul, it lights the path of finding the essence of who I am.
Is this who I am? A coward fool, I can’t even understand why I love her yet I felt the pain of loving her.
I stared at the various paintings of her in the wall and her photos scattered in the floor, I cannot fathom that I did the inconceivable fixation for her.
I fucked all the girls I liked, fucked them till they scream like a banshee yet I fall in love with her repeatedly beyond reasons and madness.
I tried to bury my love deep inside me that when she looked at me through magnifying glass she can’t see it, because I hide it well. I hid it thoroughly from her, but the more I hide the more it struggled inside me, creating chaos and madness.
I wanted to hold her hands like a besotted school boy, but I can’t, she’ll leave without looking back. I wanted to kiss her like a crazy paramour, but I can’t, she’ll hate me, like she hated her enemies. I wanted to embrace her like a dear friend, but I can’t, she’ll push me like she pushed her father and left. I wanted to fuck her like a senseless lover, but I can’t, she will kill me and hate me. I wanted her to kill me but I can’t bear her hate afterward, even after death. She is my biggest fear, my strongest weakness, my sanity and insanity.
I remember her smirk like she owned the world, her confidence to do things on her own, her swift moves and the changes of her eyes when she was angry and thoughtful. I remember her blank look when she did something extreme, like killing the enemy by her bare hands.
They said if you love someone and you keep loving them without loving you back, your love is real. Fuck being real! I want my reality in her embrace, kisses and her warmth. I can’t help being real because my love is true and deep. What if I choose being selfish? I can’t be selfish because her hate will kill me.
I searched for deliverance from fear and key for tormenting desire for her. I found nothing. If she can give her love after she pushed me to the brink of life, then I let her pushed me. If she will adore me like a lover after she brought me to storms, then I will stay there to bear through rough weather.
I need to get out from this place with many beautiful faces of her in different angles were hanging in the wall. I wanted to find solace to pour my unrequited love.
Why my love for her was immortalized just like her paintings? She can’t be mine as she loves Camwell. Just like the song they're playing Damn!
“That girl’s got love in her eyes
And they’re cutting like diamonds
Leave me bleeding inside,
That girl’s got love in her eyes
Her soul wide open I can see right through
Wears her heart on her sleeve but it’s all for you
That girl’s got love in her eyes”
Who the hell played that awful song! I smashed the speaker with my hands, to the astonishment of my men “Bring the car!” I shouted at them. They scurried to get the damn car.
“Romano Bectaz” a petite red-haired girl looked at me with her angry eyes.
She wore a simple white summer dress like my Simone, her skin is flawless like her, her lips are red just like my love for her, her eyes are violet and her hair is red.
Who is this woman? “Bring back my father’s company, you deceived him conniving asshole!” she said in wrath. I was in a ridiculous state at the moment in a boring environment.
“I will return your father’s company in exchange of your body.” I said flatly.
She stared at me incredulously, “Are you willing to give your body tonight for your father babydoll?”
“Are you clean?” she asked and I didn't expect it.
I raised my brow at her, this woman was brave and crazy just like me “Yes I am clean."
She scowled at me “How would I know? You are a dirty Mafia with dirty lifestyle.”
The nerve of this woman. I called someone “come here right now in thirty or you’ll die." I looked at her, I will entertain myself today with this darling. The technician came in at exactly thirty minutes. He got my samples and went to the clinic and laboratory behind this bar. I have clinics and facilities in times of emergency and on call doctors and laboratory technicians.
We avoid hospitals and records.The woman in front of me was obviously nervous. I smiled, I like brave women like my Simone. The doctor gave me the result after 30 minutes. She checked it thoroughly.
I won’t let you escape from this present babydoll, I said to myself.
“Let’s go babydoll, it’s time to fulfill your bargain.” I tugged her to the stairs.
“How do I know you will fulfill your part in the bargain?” what a persistent and astute woman.
“I will give your father’s company after you fulfill the bargain. My man gave me the document and I gave it to her, she scrutinized it and she hesitantly followed me. I can make my way with her by taking anywhere, like the girls I took but Shimi hates it, forcing women against their will. What the fuck! I’m thinking again of her.
She looked at my private room, inspecting anything she can see but avoiding me.
“Strip” I commanded her. Escape is not an option for her. I won't let her.
She bit her lips and I found it sexy “I think... I need to take shower first, I smell like a street vendor as I was in the street the whole day. You don’t want that right?" I can feel her edginess, she talked continuously. I sighed and nodded. “You’ll be out in there in fifteen."
Damn woman! Why I succumb to her every request? Because Simone will hate me if I take her by force even in taking a bath.
She came out at exactly fifteen minutes, and came at the edge of the bed with only a towel in her body. Her red hair was wet and flowing in her back. She looked like a beautiful water nymph. I motioned her to remove the towel from her body. She untangled it and slid it to her feet, my breath hitched of how magnificent she is in her naked glory.
My life will definitely not be boring today and the next day. I motioned her to come to me. She slowly walked towards me and halted her steps.
“What is your name babydoll?" She gasped when I slide my thumb to her nipple.
I stared at her beautiful eyes “Well Sophia let’s begin our bargain.” I grabbed and pulled her hand, she landed on my chest, I leaned to kiss her and I kissed her hungrily.
Her lips were soft like cotton candy and strawberry. I kissed her like I never kissed a woman for years. I smiled when I noticed that she still learning the art of kissing, I guided her tongue into a dance with our lips as our backups. I stood up and undressed quickly, her eyes went wide when she saw my dick. I smirked at her, and dive into her bosom and licked her breasts.
She mewled loudly, I smiled.. babydoll is a screamer. “I will make you scream today Sophia."
My lips kissed her body as I knead her both her breasts. My other hands landed in her pussy and delved gently inside. She was wet for me, she whimpered loudly when I rubbed her clit.
I opened her legs widely and delved into her womanhood. I lapped, flicked and licked her as her loud voice echoed in the four corners of my private room. I continued my ministration till she screamed in ecstasy. I smiled in satisfaction as she clenched her toes and flexed her muscles when she climaxed.
I positioned myself between her legs and shoved my cock into her in one swift. She shrieked, with her ragged breathing and contorted face. I shuttered a hymen today which didn’t happen for many years .
I fucked experienced women and pleasured me as I pleasured them. I felt the intense sensation of her tight walls covering my cock, I moved in and out slowly, then in consistent pace as she adjusts to my length. Her nails dig into my skin when I increased the rate as she groaned deeply and loudly. Her moans and whimpers in pleasures were pleasant to my ears, I continued my pumping till I feel something building inside me, I can feel she felt the same as her cries became louder and turned into scream when we exploded.
We both panting in the bed when she shrieked. What is wrong with this woman!
“We didn’t use protection” What the fuck! This woman will be my damnation. She made me forget her, even the thing I always did.