20. In for a sexy ride
“Hey, hey, stop”, he cried softly, “How can I help? How do I help? Please, tell me, I’ll do anything. I can’t see you like this”
The break in his voice pierced my heart further. I just couldn’t stop, could I? I kept hurting him, repeatedly. But as selfish as it was, his words brought some comfort. I was suffering, but I wasn’t alone. I saw hope, a bit of hope amidst the darkness of the water and I gripped it with all my might.
“Anything?”, I asked, my lips shivering.
“Anything”, he promised and the hope that lit in his eyes was too much for my heart to hear. I had really done him dirty, hadn’t I? And I was about to do much worse.
“Yes darling, anything”
“Make me forget this, please. Make me feel loved, let me feel like I’m yours. Let me be yours, just for tonight, please”, I begged.
My eyes were watery, begging him for this.
Being away for him was harder than I had anticipated, especially now that I knew it was all my fault. The unbearable pain had doubled with guilt and all I could do now is ask his help, to breathe in air until I was left to drown again. Crippling anxiety took hold of my body as I waited for his answer.
I didn’t just want to, I had to forget this feeling. I needed to or I would never survive. To be his was all I ever wanted and if I could forget the pain of our separation, the guilt and the heartbreak, even just for a few hours, it would help me survive the next few days.
I wanted to be his, to feel loved and cherished like I did before this joke of a marriage.
I needed to be his.
I knew it was too much to ask of him; I knew I was overrunning all of my ethical boundaries, but all those worries felt insignificant at the moment. I wanted him, and I was selfish enough to ask that of him.
“Riya… I…”, he started, but I interrupted him with, “Please” as a tear slid down my left cheek.
He stilled, his chest expanding with his deep inhalation as he looked me over. His eyes met mine, my brown irises conveying the desperation and the need for this moment, and I knew he could see it. He had always read me well.
“Okay”, he agreed with a small tip of his head.
He gulped, his adam’s apple moving and as I watched him, the pain that ebbed in my skin slowly started replacing with hope. For as brief moment as it would be, I would be his and that’s all that mattered. I would feel happy again, I would feel his again, and I would be free from the heavy heartbreak that always throbbed painfully.
An awkward silence- a silence like we had never experienced- spread and my heart thundered in my chest. I crossed my legs, feeling weak and humiliated. I was a twenty one year old and I couldn’t handle a heartbreak?
I wanted to be strong but the need to feel his always won the battle.
I wanted to be his, utterly absolutely his.
My eyes roamed the length of his muscular frame; his huge shoulders and biceps that stretched through the confines of the thin white shirt and his washboard eight pack abs. It was ridiculous how good he looked.
With the back of my hand, I rubbed my cheeks off the remnants of my tears and decided that I would have to take the lead.
“Dev?”, I whispered, my voice low and seductive.
He looked at me, his black eyes blinking, unsure. My proud, confident man looked unsure of himself, all because of me, I chuckled depressively. If I was cause for this, I would be the solution as well.
“Do you remember how we met?”
He grinner, “How could I ever forget? You almost served my balls on the platter to every person present”
“Only because you were a jerk”
“Please“, he held his hand, “I wasn’t. You mistook me for someone else”
“Whatever, do you remember what happened the next time we met?”
“I have it imprinted in my brain. That was the day you agreed to go on a date with me”
“The next time”, I asked, my voice getting lower.
“I kissed you for the first time”, his husky voice deepened.
“The next time”, I whispered again.
His head moved closer to the screen, and I realized I had been doing the same. “That was the first time I ever undressed you”
“The next time?”, I asked as I slid one strap of my dress. His nervous black eyes turned darker, pupils dilating.
“I kissed you over every inch of your skin and tasted you for the first time”
I caressed the sides of my body, running my fingers over the silky-smooth finish of my dress. Pulling the short hem of my dress higher, I moved my fingers over the insides of my thighs.
His gaze followed every moment with a passion so intense, my skin burned hot. I spread my legs wider as I pulled my hem higher, presenting him with a view of my black lacy thong. I loved wearing sexy lingerie even when I had no intention of undressing. This little habit had worked in my favour.
“The next time?”, I asked, my voice getting huskier.
“I made you come with my fingers in a movie theatre”
My left thumb started moving slow, barely there circles on my lace as I slid my right thumb over my lips and I sucked it in, with an inviting look in my eyes. My eyes stayed on his, while his moved all over my body. The desire dripping from his eyes had me clenching my belly.
He undid a button of his shirt, almost involuntarily, his head leaning closer to the screen.
A moan escaped my lips as I asked, “The next time?”
“You took me in that sexy little mouth of yours and showed me the lethal powers of your tongue”
I pulled my thumb out and slid the finger slowly over the side of my neck, moving down to palm my breast. I released a soft moan as my thumb moved over my nipple, hardening my little bud. My left fingers continued making small circles as my right pinched my nipple. With a hard moan of pleasure, I closed my eyes.
“Open”, he ordered, his deep voice heavy with desire.
I opened my eyes on command and winked as I removed my hands from between my legs and shut my legs.
“You are a bloody tease, you know that?”, he laughed, voice reverberating through his chest.
“Only for you”, I replied seductively.
“That’s right”, he agreed and added with authority, “You are mine, that sexy little body is mine, your mouth is mine and so is that dirty smart head of yours”
“Well then, tell me what to do with your sexy little body”
He moved his hand over his thighs, blocking my view of the huge, sexy dent in his pants, “I’ll start with straightening your dress”
My brows furrowed -why reverse?- but I followed his command.
“Now, go find some ice and little plastic rubber bands”
With a curious jump in my step, I walked out of my room.
Always creative and experimentative in bed, he set new standards for himself every time. And since I didn’t want to ‘lose my virginity’, he had to step up his game because he believed his mouth on me would get boring for me.
I didn’t believe so, because I loved his mouth on me. The things that man could do with his tongue, goodness! I clenched my thighs. But he remained adamant that he wanted me to experience things above and beyond just a plain orgasm, and who was I to complain?
I didn’t have any sex toys, because I couldn’t afford privacy in my house or in my room and sex toys -sex in itself- was a very risque subject in our town. So, he was the one who bought all my toys, and he kept them in his house, and since I had no use of them outside the boundaries of his house, I didn’t really need them with me.
Just then I realized that I hadn’t masturbated, even once, since we started dating (Excusing the first few nights of our dates, of course). I doubted if I still had skills; I was about to discover it.
Dizzy with anticipation and the countless drinks I had chucked, I found the ice and rubber bands in the kitchen and walked back into the room.
I was in for a sexy ride.
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