Mr. Casius Bourne
He destroyed my life. And he still does. I'm on a constant run,always watching over my shoulder,always paranoid when I see some black SUV,black van,big guys in black suits.
I used to be happy,I used to be cheerful,I used to be a romantic. That's why I studied English literature. But he broke me. Now I do it because it's my job. Yes,I lose myself sometimes when I read a novel and imagine,or even hope than one day I will find my prince charming,the one who will help me find the light from the end of the tunnel,but I quickly shake it off,because I know that even if I would find someone,nobody would love me unconditionally. My package is just too big,too scary. I'm damaged beyond repair.
My best friend Mia is the only one that knows about my past or present. After I managed to run away from him,I broke contact with all my family. Ok,let's be clear,when I say all my family,I mean my baby sister,because my parents disowned me. And my sister is not quite a baby. She's 23 now,but she was always next to me,that's why I had to leave her. To protect her. Because I know that he will not hesitate to kill or torture to get to me. But Mia? Well,she's like a...parasit. In a good way. When I first ran away,I broke contact with her as well,but she managed to find me. But after the third attempt,she told me how she would always find me. She gave me a watch for my birthday and it has some kind of tracking device in it. And that I shouldn't bother to throw it away,because she has other means to find me besides that.
"Lost again?" Mia's voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I'm glad that we're not video calling right now,because she would definitely take the first bus and come by as soon as she would see my face. She lives a few hundred kilometers away from me,but she'd do it. Even if it's 2 in the morning and she's in pj's. And I'm being serious.She did that one time.
"Just wondering about the new school." I say it as cheerful and normal as I can,hoping that she'll not notice the anger and frustration behind my voice.
"Maybe you'll meet some hot sport teacher." She says it playfully and I can see her wiggling her eyebrows.
"You say that every time I switch schools. Most of them are either old either fat. It's not like in the movies." She definitely has to stop watching those hallmark movies.
"That's not true. My teacher was hot as Hell." I roll my eyes,because as I said,she says this every time I switch schools,and if I'm not gonna interrupt her,she'll tell me all about his 6 packs, blond hair,and so on.
"You fantasize allot about teachers. I think you have a problem." She laughs and that pulled a smile out of me.
"No,I fantasize about you getting a hot teacher. Noooo I don't want to imagine dirty things with you and... Ohhh God!!! Why did I say that? Now I imagine...ohhh Jesus! I'm doomed!!! Erase the image pleaseeeee!!!" The rest of her monologue it's muffled by my chaotic laughter. Now I'm sorry that we're not video calling,I would die to see her facial expression.
"Karma is a bitch! Maybe now you will stop." I say it while I try to stop laughing and she sighs dramatically loud and I laugh again.
"Nothing can stop me and you know it! I'll just think of my cat and birds and it will pass. Ohh nooo Now I think about my cat going on a kill spree of birds! Poor little birds! I think I'll abandon her. Jesus,what a cruel cat!" Now I'm just holding my stomach because it starts to be painful,but I can't stop laughing. God,I love her with all my heart. I really don't know what I would do without her. Probably go crazy.
"Even though I do think that your cat is somehow evil,I don't think she's a serial killer,so don't abandon her without any evidence." I managed to say between my sobs of laughter and she starts laughing as well. My heart seems lighter and the air it's easier to breath. That's Mia. My antidepressant.
" Ok,I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. For now." She says it on a serious tone,as if her cat being a serial killer it's really a possibility .
" Wise choice. But I think I'll go to sleep,tomorrow it's going to be a hard first day." I sigh involuntarily,because honestly,I'm really not in the mood.
" Cas,smile. Tomorrow you'll find your one true love. Mark my words." And I start laughing again. "Don't laugh. I have a feeling that this sport teacher will be hot. So,put a smile on that abnormally gorgeous face of yours,because tomorrow you'll meet your life partner." And I continue laughing. Even if I would find someone,I don't know if I even remember how to flirt. It's been so long since I've been with someone that I actually think that I've became a virgin again.
"And about gorgeous,believe me,now I'm far from it." I say it as I calm down from my laughing marathon.
"Casius,you are the most gorgeous man I ever saw. If you wouldn't be gay,I would've kidnapped you and forced you to be mine. You're gorgeous even in the morning. I mean,who is gorgeous in the morning? Let's be honest. And don't tell me Tom Hardy because we don't know that for sure. I haven't seen him in the morning,but I saw you. And you're damn gorgeous. " I want to contradict her,but it has no point and it's dangerous. Last time I did that,we were in college and she took a picture of me when I woke up and conducted an opinion poll throughout the campus. And I'm not joking. The woman is crazy.
"Goodnight Mia. I love you." She giggles victoriously and I roll my eyes.
"Sweet dreams Cas. I love you too,and good luck tomorrow." I hang up and go to my room and lay in bed,hoping that I'll be able to catch some sleep and I won't have any nightmares.
I'm awaken by my alarm after not even 5 hours of sleep and,as usual,I groan in frustration while I lazily go to take a shower and prepare myself for school. White shirt,black suit and black shoes. That would do.
I look at all the boxes that are scattered around the house and for a second I really consider taking them all in the back yard and burn them. The idea of unpacking makes me gag. I turn and get out of the house fast,because I'm 2 seconds away from really doing that,and drive to school. I park my car and sit another 2 minutes in the car,just looking around,thinking how in 6 months this will be just another distant memory.
"You can do this Casius. One day will be over. One day you'll park your car in the same spot for years in a row." I tell myself the same speech as always,but each time I say it,it seems less true and more like a distant dream. Well,man can dream.
I get out and head to the principal's office. I suppress my need to laugh at the whispers that are said as I walk down the hallway by the blushed groups of girls,and put my most serious face on,because even a small smile can lead them in the wrong direction. Been there,done that. I needed to move quicker because of a sympathetical smile.
I saw one girl curled up on the ground crying,and I made the mistake to ask her what's wrong. She told me she's heartbroken because her boyfriend broke up with her,and when she actually looked at me,all the tears faded and the nightmare began. At first it was innocent. Notes left on my desk,but then it got bad. She found out my address and started coming over and stay in front of the door for hours,crying. Then there were the suicide threats. I had a talk to her parents and adviced them to take her to a therapist. And I moved. The point? No more smiles.
"Good morning,I'm Casius Bourne. The new English teacher,the principal is waiting for me." I introduce myself politely to the elderly woman that took a few seconds before she actually looked up at me.
"Good morning,nice to meet you.I'm Frieda. You can go in. He's free." She introduced herself as politely as I did and smiled warmly at me.
"Thank you Frieda." I smiled back and before I got to knock,the door opened and the principal greeted me with a smile and a hand shake. The man is smaller than average,and despite the fact that his hair is grey,he's only 35,and if man looks pass that,he actually looks like he's in his early 20. Weird,but true.
"Mr. Bourne,you made it." He gestured for me to get in,and we talked until the bell rang.
"Thank you Steven,I'll see you around." He smiles and extend his hand for me to shake it again,before I go towards my classroom. Let's the fun begin!
