So, Charlie was a chick. I didn’t know what to think. It was one thing when I felt I could push the other guy out, but could I compete with a woman? It wouldn’t exactly be like comparing apples to apples. We didn’t possess the same equipment. Was that the reason Nina meant when she said she needed Charlie and couldn’t give her up? I was ready to go for it and show Nina she didn’t need another man in her life but I couldn’t be both a man and a woman to her.
Shit, these past couple of weeks were phenomenal. We were just settling into a relationship. I was going to tell her I loved her for Christ’s sake and now it all seemed lost to me.
Limerence: the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. I had been looking up words to describe it and impress her too. Fucking romantic shit coming from a heroin junkie from the wrong side of town. The most romantic act before this was in middle school when I put ketchup on my date’s fries. Now all I wanted to do was look at how good I could make her feel and not necessarily in a sexual way which for me proved to be a large milestone.
I should have stayed to discuss things with her as I didn’t like the way I left things with her. I made her feel bad for lying to me but did she really? Thinking back, I just assumed Charlie was a guy, but she never said one way or another. Yes, she didn’t go into any detail about her but was it any of my business? Actually, fuck that, it was my business. If she started to refer to us as dating, then I deserved to know what I was up against.
Returning to my house after a run, I went right into the shower and found myself numbly watching television. Christ, even running didn’t help me sort out the shit going on in my head. Running more and more I hated to admit it helped me stop fidgeting so damn much. Wouldn’t Brandt laugh at me now knowing how I hated any exercise in the past? Not only did it help me to figure my shit out, but it also kept me healthy for Jaeger down the road as well. Usually I could clear my mind, but today was difficult. The only realization I came up with was that I missed her.
A knock at my door dragged me out of my thoughts and I glanced at the clock. Mid-afternoon on a Saturday made it suspicious for girls selling cookies and I had half a mind not to answer, but then it could be Quade or Ryder. I haven’t talked to either of them in a couple of weeks, but they could be nosing around to see if I was still alive.
Checking out the window, I noticed a red car in the driveway I didn’t recognize. Opening the door I saw Charlie on the other side and my look of shock said it all. “Hello JJ.” She had the same sneer she had on last night. Her long blonde hair flowed down in light curls, and she wore jeans tight enough to be a second skin. Her white shirt showed her huge tits to the point of being obscene even for me. She had a light blue jacket over the top and her makeup was a little too thick for my taste. She screamed money and privilege. From the perfect hair to the manicured nails and the expensive clothes.
“What are you doing here?” I conveyed my distaste with the tone of my voice.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Figuring she was up to something I almost slammed the door in her face.
Avoiding her request I nodded to the car, “That yours?”
She snickered and walked past me ignoring the fact I didn’t invite her in. Entitlement dripped from her, and she would have been the perfect type of posh groupie I would have targeted while on tour. Those kinds of women always deserved to be knocked down a peg or two in my book.
“The car is borrowed from another one of my ah... friends.” She made sure I knew the person was more than a friend and also had more than one in the area. What the hell was Nina doing with someone like this? “I flew in last night and needed a ride, silly. Didn’t Nina tell you anything about me? Oh yeah, I guess not. You didn’t even know I had a vagina, did you?” She could see from my expression she was right and I hated it.
Feeling the least hospitable I closed the door with a bang. “How did you know where I lived?”
Charlie smiled as she looked around and took in my meager furnishings, “Besides having a key to her apartment she also gave me the passcode to her phone. I looked up your contact info when she was getting ready this morning.” I couldn’t hide my surprise. Nina seemed more of a private person than to give out her passcode and I wondered how close they really were.
She walked around my sofa and looked out my back door at the deck and the ocean view from beyond. Scanning back to me she didn’t seem in the least impressed but I didn’t care. “She didn’t tell me about you either. It made me curious about her dirty little secret.” I cringed when she said it. Did she keep me her secret? Was she embarrassed by me?
“You surprised me a little being there. She isn’t one to let her conquests stay overnight.” What the hell was that supposed to mean? Conquests?
“Look, Charlie, I don’t mean to be rude. Fuck that, I do mean to be rude. Why don’t you just cut to the chase? It's evident you are here because of a burning desire to say something. Just get it out.” I hit the nail on the head, and she sneered once again. She let the tip of one of her manicured blood-red nails drag along the back of my couch as she weaseled her way over to me. I was starting to really dislike her. What did Nina see in her? They didn’t seem to have much in common.
“I am here to offer you a proposition. Some... oh, I don't know... fun.” She smiled and it was a cool, cruel look. When I didn’t bite, she went on, “I know Nina and I know what turns her on.” I doubted she really knew the real Nina. I didn’t know their history but I did know Nina, and she and Charlie seemed worlds apart.
“You really think you know Nina.” It was a statement, and she seemed taken back by it.
“Of course, I know Nina.”
I jumped on her not liking how she assumed I didn’t, “Really? What do you really know about Nina? Do you know her favorite color?”
Glaring coldly at her I waited for her reply. “Green.”
“Orange,” I said triumphantly. Nina hated green. Charlie didn’t know the true Nina at all.
“Does she wear contacts or glasses?” This was the first time her snide smile wavered since stepping into my house. “Neither.” I laughed at her, “One contact in the left eye.”
A look of loathing erupted on her face as I continued my questions, “What music does she like to listen to?”
Her smile returned, “Classical.”
“And when she is having a bad day?”
She looked away from my eyes and shook her head, “What does this prove really? Who cares?”
My turn to snicker at her, “She doesn’t listen to any music when she is having a bad day but instead likes it quiet and will usually want to be outdoors. And yes, it matters, it matters to me.”
“You are in love with her, aren’t you?” She said it in a mocking tone almost as if she felt I wasn’t good enough for her and just the thought of us being an item was out of the realm of possibility. Instead of answering her, I diverted my eyes making her go in for the kill, “You are. You’re in love with her.” She laughed her shrill laugh and sauntered over to me. “You silly man. You won’t be able to please her you know. You won’t be able to give her what she needs.” I hated how she had wormed into my head and that she could see the thoughts swimming around in it since meeting Nina.
Instead of cowering, I sprang up with a vengeance. How could this person be what Nina needed? Seriously, Nina was a good person and this bitch appeared to be pure evil. Did Nina know the real Charlie? She couldn’t. If she did, there was no way Nina would be with her. She must have Nina snowed.
“You sure as hell aren’t what she needs. If you were, then I wouldn’t be in her bed when you aren’t there.” It was a bastard thing to say but I felt cornered. Fire flickered in her eyes as I wounded her. Although shorter than me she seemed a force to be reckoned with and it didn’t seem too many people talked back to her without suffering the consequences, but at this point, I didn’t care.
The fire in her eyes simmered, and she took her time speaking. When she talked again, there was an icy tone to her. “Be that as it may I still will offer our proposition.” Our? The thought made me bite my tongue anymore until I heard what she came to say.
Charlie circled the couch but I stood my ground. Coming up behind me, I felt like prey although I wouldn’t let her know. “Come over to Nina’s apartment tonight. I will introduce you to what I do for her.” I turned to look at her, seeing if she was being truthful. “That is if you can handle us both.”
My eyes hiked up, and she saw the dislike in them. “Don’t tell me that you haven’t been with two women before. I’ve checked you out. You’re some big shot guitarist. Social Offender, right? Your reputation precedes you. A combination of fast women and a variety of drugs too, if I remember correctly.”
Quick to stop her rant, I countered, “I don’t do that anymore.”
She shook her head and snickered, “Once a junkie, always a junkie.”
My anger erupted with her statement. I grabbed her by her arm and twisted it behind her back drawing her close to me. Close enough for her to see I didn’t appreciate being messed with, “You have no clue what or who I am any more than you know Nina and I will not stand here and put up with this shit.” There wasn’t any fear in her eyes but instead, they seemed to sparkle. I felt poised on a hair-trigger since she got here. This woman rubbed me the wrong way.
“Careful now, you might turn me on.” With that, I dropped her arm and backed away.
She laughed and turned toward the door, “Don’t worry you didn’t offend me. I like it a little on the rough side.” She lazily made her way to the door making sure to shake her ass to the point that no one could ignore looking. Opening the door, she leaned back in, “I think we both want the same thing. Nina has a special taste and I think we would both be able to whet her appetite. I will let her know you are coming. You are, aren’t you? In the end, you and I want the same thing.” Knowing my answer before I said it she started closing the door but had one last comment, “I’ll see you tonight JJ.”
It wasn’t until she backed out of the driveway and ripped a path in the road did I let our conversation seep in. Although the thought of having sex with her, much less having her in the room with us, bothered me to no end, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was she did for Nina. If I knew then maybe I could do it for her too. Then Charlie wouldn’t be an issue anymore and I could keep Nina all to myself. Nina deserved better than Charlie than even I could admit I would be. Charlie had an evil side to her and it made me curious why Nina put up with it.
Astonishment fell on me. It was the first time I ever felt I could be good for Nina. Maybe I had changed, but did I change enough? And if so, how did I show this to Nina?
It would only be for one night. Maybe this was what Charlie did? Maybe Nina liked the idea of more than one lover? If this was true, could I participate? I didn’t think so. I wanted her all to myself and couldn’t stand the thought of another person’s hands on her, so there seemed no way I could do this with any regularity.
This all seemed so ironic. With all the shit I pulled when I was young and cocky it appeared some higher power wanted to punish me. I finally found someone I cared about. Someone I thought about all day. Someone who made me forget about what an asshole I was and made me want to be better. Someone I loved. And now she wanted to be with someone else. Someone other than me, or should I say, someone more than me to share a bed with.
Should I go? I knew the answer before I got the question out. Of course, I was going. I needed my questions answered. Wasn’t this the same advice I gave Quade? Can’t hurt, right? Well, time to take my own advice but I should admit, I might just not like the answers she had for me. Where would it leave me then?
The whole ride over to her apartment I was a wreck although I wouldn’t let either of them know. I left my car parked on the sidewalk a couple of blocks away thinking that even if I could access the underground parking, Charlie probably had her extra space already filled. I wondered if I should have waited for Nina tonight at the hospital parking lot but I feared Charlie replaced me there too. More determined than ever to find out what the hell was going on I made my way to her doorman and gave him my name. There was only one way to understand what my future held and the suspense was killing me. This needed to end now.
After her building security let me in, I knocked on the door to her apartment not at all surprised when Charlie answered. She wore nothing but a small silk nightie and it started my blood boiling just thinking of having to share her with this bitch. Could I really go through with this?
She sniggered and opened the door further for me to step through knowing I would come. I didn’t see Nina after looking around, and she smiled, “She is waiting for us in the bedroom. Come on.” She motioned for me to come in the back and I willed my feet to move not knowing what I would find. I hated the sensation of Charlie playing me.
Following her into the bedroom, I still didn’t locate Nina. Charlie went over to the bed and turned to me pulling off her nightie. When she stood completely naked in front of me I couldn’t help but look her down. She had a model’s body. Large firm breasts, flat stomach, and shapely legs. She was shaved bare and her nipples were already erect. My unease stimulated her and although I should be in heaven knowing I would once again fuck two women, I found myself in more of my own personal hell.
Just then the door to the bathroom opened and Nina walked out. Dressed in a bathrobe her hair was still wet from her usual shower after work. She seemed shocked at my presence and when she looked over to Charlie completely naked she swallowed and dipped her eyes avoiding my gaze.
“Look who came to play,” Charlie snickered. Nina continued to avert my gander as she nodded in Charlie’s direction, but she had to know I would be curious as to what she needed Charlie so damn bad for. I told her I wanted to be her everything and didn’t this only go to show I meant it?
When she looked back up at me, her whole demeanor changed. She smiled but it seemed fake. Walking over to me, I couldn’t read her and it worried me. “I am glad you came. Why don’t you get more... comfortable?” She froze on the last word but continued at pulling off my shirt, and I still couldn’t determine if she truly wanted this. I wanted to give her everything, even her desires, but I was afraid that this might be the one to break me.
Nina circled to the front of me and helped to lift my shirt over my head. Lightly touching my chest and abs I felt the electricity we had between us if only briefly. She went to unbutton my pants but I couldn’t stand the silence between us anymore. “Nina?”
She didn’t look up, “What?” Her voice seemed distant.
“Do you want this?” Before she could answer, Charlie came up behind her and put her hands on her shoulder. Nina stuttered a little in her task but kept going until my pants were fully unbuttoned.
“Of course, she does. Don’t you baby?” I always hated that term of endearment and never used it with Nina. She wasn’t a baby. She was all woman, and she deserved to be treated like it.
“Yes.” Nina softly answered me but I couldn’t tell with certainty if she meant it. Instead, her actions showed what she wanted as she pushed my jeans down and cupped my sac, stroking my still semi-hard dick. Even having two almost naked women in one room, I still couldn't stiffen my cock for the adventure but this was new territory no matter what I thought. I blamed it on the way I had to watch Charlie run her hands up Nina’s front to fondle her breasts through her bathrobe. I hated it. I hated that she touched my woman but really, I had no choice. Nina wasn’t mine and if this night didn’t work out, she would never be mine.
Observing how they interacted between the two of them for any hints on what Charlie could give her, I felt at a loss. It drove me crazy to know Charlie had a hand up on me and I would see this through until I figured it out.
Charlie loosened Nina’s robe and let her hands roam over her small breasts and I didn’t see the type of reaction she had with me. Although Nina’s breathing sped up and her nipples became hard, it still seemed forced and it bothered me to watch. I made like I wanted to use the chair to take off my pants and took my time soaking them both in.
What was it about Charlie that I didn’t like? Was it the fact Nina seemed to choose her over me? Was it because I couldn’t be everything to Nina while Charlie could? Should I just suck it up and help to make Nina’s desires come true? It didn’t seem to be bothering Charlie as much as it bothered me.
Charlie moved Nina’s wet hair to the side and licked her neck from behind gauging my reaction and giving me a full view of the front of her body and how she worked it. Nina turned her head to the side and it killed me to not be able to see her face. Was she enjoying this because I wasn’t. The way her body stiffened only made me think it may not be what she needed but I could be making that up too. Maybe it was all wishful thinking on my part.
Getting up to go to her I didn’t understand my role in this ménage a trois. When I came over to them, I realized what would help me to define this situation. I leaned into Nina for a kiss, and she swiftly turned her back to me to face Charlie. It told me all I needed to know. We reverted back to the starting point, and she didn’t want anything to do with intimacy with me. It couldn’t have been more damning than a slap in the face and made me want to get this done and over with. Give her what she desired and leave her to the person she really wanted to be with.
“Charlie, let’s get this over with.” Nina directed her sentence at Charlie. She seemed to share my same sentiment. Charlie looked up at me and sneered again while she pulled Nina to the side and reached for my finally stiffening dick. Grabbing her hand, I glared at her. If this was going to go on I would at least get some say in it, “I penetrate her only,” motioning to Nina.
She just snickered unaffected, “You don’t know what you are missing.” She laughed and I saw Nina curl into herself. Was she disappointed? Did she want me to be with Charlie? Was that what Charlie could give her? Fuck, I hated this. This wasn’t what I wanted in the least but felt unable to stop it. Forced to do a sexual act to get what I want...
Wait. My years of torturing women were coming back to haunt me. I needed to ask myself if I wanted to stoop to Charlie’s level but I already knew the answer. I said I would do this for Nina and I would, but it would only be to show her she didn’t need Charlie anymore.
It didn’t surprise me to think of this as payback. Payback for all the times I gave the tour tramps ultimatums. Pushed the limits. Told them there was a catch to the fame they sought when they asked to fuck me. I wanted to see just how far they would go to earn their prize, and now I was the one going against my better judgment so I could have Nina as my own prize. I deserved this but did Nina?
Charlie moved her lithe body onto the bed and laid down with her legs spread open in front of Nina. She smugly looked at Nina while motioning down at her wet core, “C’mon baby. You know what I like.” Nina didn’t move and when I reached out to touch her I felt her flinch. This was all wrong. This didn’t seem to be the sexual fetish Nina would enjoy but right now I couldn’t be positive I would misread her signs because I never wanted this to happen in the first place.
“Nina?” I felt I had to reach her.
Nina kept her voice soft and barely audible as she answered, “It seems we have come to a nodus. Just finish what you came here to do JJ.” Her barrier came up. She closed herself to me and I couldn’t stand it. Feeling as though I must make one last try I grabbed onto her bathrobe only wanting to slide it down and touch her skin, hoping my feel would mean something to her.
When her bathrobe slipped down I noticed the welts and red raised marks on her back and sucked in my breath. Angry looking skin affronted me and I looked on in revulsion. “Nina?” These marks weren’t there last night when we made love and my mind raced to put the equation together in my head so I could understand it.
Nina looked back at me and her steely eyes glazed over as she said to me, “Fuck me hard. I need it.” Her words ran through my brain as I came to grips with what Charlie could give her. Pain. The same need she had the first night we slept together.
“No.” My words were barely above a whisper, “I... I can’t hurt you.” Shaking my head, I backed up from her.
She asked again in a voice I didn’t even recognize, “It ah, helps me. I need it.”
Stumbling backward I caught myself as I took in the picture of her reddened back screaming out from the flawless skin it used to be. I knew what Charlie gave her now and I also knew she was lost to me. “I... I just can’t hurt you.”
Turning quickly, I grabbed my clothes and made my way into the living room suffocating on the air around me. I threw on my pants and didn’t even worry about my shoes or shirt as I flung open the door to the hallway. I heard my name from Nina and Charlie’s evil cackle but only thought of my escape at this point, knowing I would never have a reason to return now that I showed her I couldn’t be her everything.
Driving away as quickly as possible, I didn’t seem to have a destination in mind. It was still early for a Saturday night and I found myself not wanting to go home and face the silence by myself. This was the hardest thing I have had to deal with since quitting the drugs. I lost someone I loved. I had the feeling of being empty inside and crushed all the same and it scared me how bad I wanted a fix.
Just one. Just one to let me forget and to get rid of the emptiness but I knew it was a cop-out. I tried one last time to remember why I remained sober. I had a son. Someone who knew I existed but who wanted nothing to do with me. Another failed relationship under my belt but one I should at least stay sober for. I fucked up his life already and couldn’t continue to fuck it up regardless of how bad I wanted to escape my own personal hell.
Social Sector appeared in my sights. This was the closest I had ever felt to drinking and going in there would be my one last effort to control the urge. Bypassing the line outside I walked in and went straight for the VIP lounge and sat at the bar. The bartender recognized me and asked if I wanted the usual. Instead, I told her whiskey on the rocks and none of the fake shit. She looked up at me concerned knowing my history and didn’t want to give me the drink so she excused herself and pointed to another bartender. Minutes later after being ignored by the staff, I finally figured out why.
“JJ, what brings you here?” Ryder stood behind me, and although the music was loud, I could hear his booming voice.
Turning to face him I decided to be honest, “Hoping I could get a drink. A real drink but not really wanting one.”
He laughed, “Then come with me.” I followed him downstairs to his office. He opened the door and the noise of the club dissipated to a small dull thud from the bass of the dance music.
“Sit.” He commanded as he went over to the bar in his office and took out two glasses. He poured both with an amber-colored liquid and brought it over to the leather chairs, placing it on the coffee table in front of me. “Is that what you wanted?”
I stared at it. Yes, I wanted it. I fucking wanted it in the worst way. “Yes.”
“Then drink it.” Would Ryder let me drink? Did he not care? He knew the lengths I would go to prevent my addictive nature from destroying me again.
When I still didn’t move he almost teased me by sipping on his own drink, the bastard. “Why do you want it?”
“I want to forget.”
“And tomorrow when you wake up and remember?”
“Then I will drink again.”
“Seems like a road you were down once before.” He stared at me sitting there glaring at my drink and I kept thinking he was right. Drinking never solved one of my problems and just added to it but when you felt like nothing, it seemed the best place to start.
“Argh” I stiffened my body in the chair and covered my eyes trying to get a coherent thought in my mind. “Fuck! Just dump the shit out already. Fuck!”
“That’s better. Don’t worry JJ you can drink it. I’ve got a bottle of your secret stash in here. Did you really think I would let you start back up with the alcohol?” He seemed just as relieved as I was I folded instead of drinking it. Maybe that was why I came here searching for a helping hand, and instead of him just assuming I was a lost cause and giving in, he made me realize I was above this.
“That bad, huh?” I nodded and finally picked up the drink knowing it wouldn’t spiral me down to desecration. “Have anything to do with that chick you are dating?” My eyes darted up to him when he said it, “Yep, woman troubles. That is why I steer clear. They will fuck you up.” Ryder avoided relationships after he fell in love with a prostitute years ago. He tore himself inside out for her and diverted from anything more than a one-night stand since.
“Fuck man, you are right. They aren’t worth it.” But when my voice faltered at the end of the statement we both knew I didn’t feel the same way.
“But this one is?”
I sighed, “I don’t know. I thought she was. At least before tonight when I wasn’t enough, and she wanted someone else in our bed.” I didn’t want to mention the way her back looked. I didn’t even know how to talk about that shit.
“Like a threesome? You haven’t had any problems with that in the past.” Ryder would know since we shared some of the women while on tour. Quade and Brandt had garnered relationships early on and it led to us usually partaking in the depravity.
“Yeah, you would think but it is different with Nina,” I admitted.
He smiled, “Holy shit! You fell for her, didn’t you?”
I couldn’t help but smile some through the pain. “It does seem a little impossible, doesn’t it?”
He laughed, “No, not impossible. I guess I am feeling like the last bandito if you are crushing on a girl.”
It made me laugh, “Well, you won’t need to worry about it anymore. She was the only one I ever felt close enough to be with and it doesn’t seem like it was meant to be. I think her partner has more to give her than I do. Besides, I can’t watch her with another person. I wanted her all to myself but it isn’t what she wants.”
Ryder looked down with an understanding I couldn’t place. I guess he had someone who couldn’t be his only as well. Slapping his hands, his face lit up, “Well, then we won’t drink tonight but will need to find a different way to forget. Come with me?”
He stood up and I stared at him. “Where are we going?”
Shaking his head, his smile only got bigger, “Something we should have done a long time ago.”