He had to wake me up? I didn’t sleep in cars although I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept so well in general. It probably had more to do with the company I was with and the fact it had been such an eventful night.
Finishing my charting now at the end of the shift I took a little time to think back over the last twenty-four hours. After I got the text from him, I couldn’t think of anything else besides him needing me. When I realized he was bringing me into certain trouble, I felt betrayed almost. But then I saw the look in his eye when he realized he could help Quade, a man he felt he failed once upon a time, and I couldn’t be mad at his willingness to help him. I had no clue what I was getting myself into but it turned out to be cathartic. When I saw the young lady’s scars and heard her story, I knew I had to help her.
The secrecy surrounding it all worried me. My medical intervention was more primitive than I had dealt with in a long time as there were no monitors or equipment to guide me. Hell, I had only delivered a handful of babies and all of them were due to waiting for the OB to attend the event with plenty of other hospital staff around to help if trouble occurred. Not like last night. Last night, I was on my own.
It wasn’t entirely true. JJ and Chelsea were there and although they didn’t have a medical background they were a godsend. JJ needed this too. He had been wrought with guilt for his past transgressions and helping Quade seemed to put things right for him at least a little. Not entirely, but he looked better after. He was so scared to be in the room, but he listened to what I had to say, and he helped that woman. He was a rock and I couldn’t be prouder of him.
Chelsea told me later she saw JJ and Jaeger talking. They needed a frank discussion for far too long as far as I was concerned but it wasn’t my place to push it. Jaeger looked like him and to think he ran from him for most of the kid’s life because he felt inadequate was a shame. I just hoped good things would come out of this for both their sakes.
We kissed. Well, I kissed him. It was a spontaneous decision, and I was glad I did it. I missed him. Things went wrong between us, and I was to blame and I didn’t know until I saw him again how much I wanted him back. I missed his sense of humor. The way he made me laugh. His honesty. And mostly, the way he made me feel. Not at all like I ever had in the past but still couldn’t help feeling like I didn’t deserve it.
If things were to change, I needed to come clean. About my past and all the shit I had done but it scared me. Would he look at me the same way he looked at me now? He currently saw an impostor. Just an image he portrayed of me. One that was a little larger than life almost and it wasn’t fair he didn’t know the real me.
If I divulged it all to him, and he decided to stay with me then it was meant to be. If he ran, well, then I helped him to be free of me for the last time. We still had something between us. The kiss wasn’t the only thing to convince me and it wasn’t fair to keep him hanging on if there was no future.
Looking at the clock it was later than I normally left on a day shift but I did have double the paperwork to finish. He let me sleep in his car until it was closer to the beginning of my workday and I didn’t have time throughout the day to finish my charting. Part of me hoped he would be outside, leaning against my car and waiting for me.
Walking out through the employee’s entrance, I kept in deep thought. We needed to talk, and I was afraid of how it would end. Looking up I saw him at my car with another rose in his hand and smiled at his romantic gesture as well as his thoughtfulness.
JJ looked handsome and refreshed. He had been tired after we parted ways this morning and it worried me to let him go. So much so, I wondered if he would make it back to his house in one piece, but he told me he had plenty of all-nighters in his earlier years and this was just one of many.
His shaggy brown-blonde hair was untamed by the breeze blowing in the parking lot. He had a covert smile on his face but also one with apprehension behind it. His aquamarine eyes sparkled in the setting sun, and I was enamored by my feelings for him. I needed to get things right between us.
“Hello.” I stopped short before him.
“Hello.” He handed me the rose and I leaned down to smell it. I always loved finding them on my car and the scent of it made me want him all the more. No matter how this worked out, I would always think of him when I smelled the scent of roses.
I smirked and looked down, unable to hide my smile. “What?” He looked at me with wonder.
“Renifleur?” I couldn’t hide my smile anymore, “Renifleur is a word to describe sexual arousal by a smell.”
Hiking his eyes up, he smiled the most magnificent smile. His whole face lit up, and I was enthralled by his virile look. Closing the gap, I tucked myself into his side unable to hold off touching him anymore. “Anytime I smell a rose I always think of you.” He held me close and I felt warm in his embrace.
Setting his chin on top of my head we stood there holding each other and enjoying each other’s warmth. “Then I will make sure you always have a fresh supply of roses around you.” He wanted this too and I felt so lucky.
“Where does this leave us?” I had to ask. I didn’t know where to go from here.
“Back to square one.” He loosened his grip and backed me up to look in my eyes. “Hello. My name is JJ and although I am not a stalker, I have been watching you for some time now. I would like to get to know you.”
I laughed, “Too bad. I really dig the stalker types.”
His turn to laugh. “You might not like this one. I have a past that isn’t so nice.”
I shook my head but my smile faltered as I dipped my eyes down and away from his. “I have a past too. Mine isn’t much better.”
He lifted my chin to meet his eyes. “I know all about it and it is fine with me.”
For a moment my heart stopped beating until I realized he meant Charlie. Startled I stammered, “Charlie is gone. I haven’t seen her since... that night. She isn’t coming back.” And then in a smaller voice, I continued, “I got rid of her. I don’t want her anymore. I don’t... need her anymore.” The look on his face was unimaginable. A mixture of relief and hope and it brought a stinging sensation to the back of my eyes. The sentiment was real but I knew the tears would never be shed.
JJ cleared his throat from a lump that formed. “Then anything else keeping us apart will be easy enough to get through.” He brought his lips to mine in a gentle kiss. Closed mouth at first but soon grew to an urgency and our union became heated. He pulled back and brushed his hand across my cheek. “But not now. Now you need to get home. Some food and plenty of rest.” I started to protest, but he wouldn’t let me. “No. I am driving you home and taking care of you. You worked a full day after a hectic night and you still need to work your last twelve-hour shift tomorrow. Please believe me when I say we will have plenty of time later to sort this out. I am not going anywhere.” Relieved by what he said, I smiled and gave up control, letting him take care of me. It felt foreign to me but also comforting and I craved it from him even if I couldn’t admit it to myself.
Once inside his car, I smelled the food. Looking in the back seat I saw the Chinese takeout and my stomach growled. “I hope it is still warm. I got you a vegetarian dish, so I hope you like it.”
“You got me food?” He expertly made his way out of the parking lot and on route to my house.
“Well, it won’t make up for the crappy gas station food I got you for breakfast this morning and I didn’t even think to feed you before taking you all the way out to Vegas. Oh, and by the way, Sienna and the baby are in the hospital. Both are doing great all because of you.” He pulled my hand up to his lips and grazed it softly.
Encouraged by the good news, I relaxed into the ride. So many things could have gone wrong and somehow, it all ended up right. They kept JJ and me out of it to protect me. Sienna and her baby were well taken care of but it made me concerned for another issue, “And Quade?”
He sighed, “Quade and the other guys are sitting in North Carolina unable to come back yet. I don’t know the whole story but Sienna’s husband was shot dead.” I gasped and turned silent not knowing what to say.
After we got to Vegas, when I threatened to call an ambulance, Sienna showed me her scars. She confessed she had faked her own death from an abusive husband and even showed me the proof on her back. It was the turning point. I knew I needed to help her. She reminded me of another woman I couldn’t help so many years ago.
For as much as I was against the death penalty, I couldn’t help but be glad he would never be able to hurt another human being again. Any man that could lay a hand on a woman and be that vicious wasn’t worth much to me.
“Hey, are you okay?” The concern in his voice was prominent and it shook me out of my stupor.
“Yes, just glad things worked out for them.” I didn’t want to say more. I didn’t know how to put my thoughts into a coherent sentence without giving more away.
My past crept up on me repeatedly since our journey started together and I wondered if I should tell him all of it now. He let me stew in my thoughts but didn’t relinquish his hold of my hand. The connection was still there. I had been too stubborn to talk to him earlier and if I had, we might not have ever lost sight of our relationship. I hurt him that night but I needed to admit to myself that he hurt me as well. Charlie told me how he came onto her. How excited he got at the idea of two women ravishing him again. He left that night not wanting Charlie, but I knew it was a matter of time before he would want others in her place.
Should I even be upset? Maybe I didn’t explain to him how Charlie helped me, or even that she was a woman, but I did tell him she had played a role in my life. And if he wanted others to join us then he would never truly be mine. As my feelings grew for him I found I didn’t want to share him. He had a risque life in his past but I didn’t think I could have meaningless sexual experiences with him knowing how much I currently cared for him.
And now here we were trying to start over.
Something entered my thoughts and I couldn’t seem to figure it out. Something about that night. Charlie said he wanted the threesome. She told me he came on to her but it wasn’t what it looked like when he wouldn’t even touch her. I remembered the repulsion on his face when she touched my body. The way he tried to kiss me and touch only me. Did Charlie lie to me?
Of course she lied to me. She lied to me since the first day we met. She had a devious nature and enjoyed manipulating people and I played right into her hands. By the time JJ pulled into my underground garage and I gave him the code to get in, I couldn’t keep my thoughts silent anymore.
“You never came on to Charlie, did you?” He parked in one of the two allotted spaces for my apartment and shut off the engine. Looking over at me, I saw the answer on his face before he even said a word. “It wasn’t your idea for the threesome either.” He seemed to understand that we were both played.
“I was told it was something you wanted. I never wanted to share you with anyone, much less her,” he confessed.
Tears stung my eyes once again. Knowing they would never fall I sighed heavily before continuing, “I never wanted to share you either.”
Swallowing deeply, I continued, “Oh JJ I am so sorry. Charlie was always a malicious little bitch. I should have known. She was jealous of the fact I didn’t need her anymore. Not since meeting you. She must have known she was on the way out.” His eyes brightened and there was a little smile playing on his lips. “It just took me a while to figure out I didn’t need her anymore. That you were all I needed.” The smile broadened as he quickly placed a kiss on my lips.
Astonished I countered, “Why did you kiss me?” I just pretty much laid out how much of an idiot I was and how I almost destroyed us by my deception of a known virulent person.
“You said all the right words. Come on.” He grabbed the food from the back seat and opened the door. Stunned, I got out and followed him to the elevator as he pulled me closer to him. I didn’t know exactly what I said but the look on his face was priceless and I couldn’t help but keep my mouth shut, unable to ruin the moment.
Once inside the door of my apartment, he shooed me into the bedroom to take a shower remembering my penchant for routine. Although I had a shower available to me at the hospital I hated to haul my soaps and lotions with me. Never eating before I scrubbed off the day, I quickly took time to finish my shower and my routine reveling in how he accepted my idiosyncrasies and didn’t try to change them.
Instead of the warm, relaxing shower I usually took at the end of a long shift, I hurriedly went about my business, so I could get back out to JJ. For the first time since seeing him out at my car and him mentioning a do-over, I thought it would actually be possible. Towel drying my hair I settled for a baggy sweatshirt and leggings. When I returned to the living room he had the food set up on the coffee table and even remembered a glass of ice water for me to drink.
We talked more about Sienna and the baby while we ate our meal, going over what we experienced last night. He admitted he never looked at himself as ever having kids and what he saw last night cinched it up for him. His eyes got wide, and he looked a little sheepish at me gauging my reaction. I thought it was cute, making me think he could see us as long term. Him not wanting to bear children didn’t scare me in the least. I smiled and admitted I felt my own time had passed, and I was fine as I didn’t feel an emptiness I heard other people mention without having them.
After we were finished with the food he helped me to clean up, but when he talked about leaving and heading home my face dropped. He alluded to a do-over, so why did he want to leave me so soon? Maybe I said something wrong?
“You aren’t going to stay?” I couldn’t help but hope we had a chance at working this out.
Leaning in to take me in an embrace, he uttered, “You must be tired. You didn’t sleep all that long this morning and you have another long shift tomorrow. We have time.” When he said we had the time, and I noticed the look of warmth in his eyes, I sighed in relief from my fears. He was with me but I couldn’t help my disappointment. I wanted him to stay. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up with him near me once again.
Coyly my thoughts turned to seduction. “Do you think I could change your mind? Or maybe you don’t feel me as enticing anymore?” Did he not feel as attracted to me since he found out about Charlie?
The warmth in his eyes changed to something more lustful as he tightened his hold on me. “Don’t think for one second I forgot any of your nuances. You seem to be permanently etched in my mind. Thoughts of you would fill my brain as I tried to sleep without you for the past six weeks.” His eyes grew dark and I found the air between us heating up. “The way your small breasts are so sensitive to my touch. The way you like to watch as I enter you. Even the way your skin turned to goosebumps when you orgasm.”
My breath caught in my throat while he named off all those peculiarities and when he mentioned my goosebumps I shuddered and relayed, “Only when it is good.”
“What?” His eyes narrowed.
The air still crackled between us as I confessed, “The goosebumps only come when the orgasm is good. I don’t usually get them when I climax but you seem to be the only one to elicit them from me with any regularity.” He smirked. He knew as well as I did that each time we had sex there were goosebumps. Each and every time.
Bringing his hand up to my neck he tilted it back and met my mouth with his. I moaned with him feeding my need and pressed myself closer to him to feel his erection strong in his jeans only to moan again. He made me feel like a horny teenager and right now I knew if he were to try to leave I would tackle him and make him mine.
Breaking it off reluctantly, I grabbed his hand and half dragged him to the bedroom. “Don’t worry. We have plenty of time.” When we got inside the door we attacked each other, ripping each other’s clothes off. When we were both standing naked and I finally pulled my eyes away from his incredible erection I found him staring back in the most peculiar way. “What?”
He looked down and this time instead of peculiarity, the lust returned. “Your body is amazing. It was always stunning but holy shit.”
I smiled, “I found out how much I enjoy lifting weights.” I turned slightly so he could view my whole body, loving the way he looked at me now even though some guys were turned off with a woman with muscles. “Does it bother you?”
“Bother me? Fuck no! I am going out to get a bumper sticker that says, ‘My Girlfriend Can Beat Up Your Girlfriend’.” I shouldn’t laugh but I also couldn’t stop. The joviality between us was back and I felt so relieved we could still find enjoyment in each other.
“Christ, you are hot.” He tackled me and we fell on the bed. “What is the term for finding muscles arousing?”
I laughed as he kissed my body starting from the neck and slowly working his way down. His hands found my breasts and seemed to be feeling up my muscles all at the same time. Nope, I didn’t think he had any problem with my new stress-reducing technique. “That one I don’t know.”
“Ha! I thought you knew them all.” He continued to kiss as well as stroke and lick my flesh, and I found it hard to concentrate.
“Um, well, I know a lot of them just not that one.”
He shifted to fondle the other side of my body as he seemed to be relearning my new one. “Then tell me what you do know.”
I laughed and tried to free my mind, but he seemed hell-bent on making me lose all coherent thought. “Well, I know osculation. That is the act of kissing. Typhlobasia kind of goes with it. It is kissing with the eyes closed.”
“But you like to watch.”
I smirked, “Yeah, I guess.” His teeth clamped lightly on my nipple as I hissed and arched into him, watching with avid fascination and getting turned on even more.
Breathless now I searched for more medical facts as he released my nipple and kissed the sensitive area underneath the breast itself. “Cataglottism is the term for kissing with the... with the... tongue.” As if inspired, he used his tongue to trail all the way to my belly button. Twirling figure eights around it and running to the side of my stomach he made butterflies form in my abdomen. He was getting dangerously close to my throbbing core and I wanted nothing more than to see what his tongue could accomplish there.
A hitch sounded in my voice as I fumbled for the next word, “Amomaxia.” It took a while to get out as I was too fixed on where his tongue was going next.
He murmured from down below, “Mmm-hmm, and what type of kiss is that?”
I shook my head trying to form words, “It... It isn’t. It means sex in a car.”
He laughed, “I don’t think we are in a car but it certainly gives me ideas for later.”
Giggling, I confessed, “It was the only thing I can think of besides... cunnilingus.” He stopped evidently knowing the term and I almost whimpered in frustration.
Looking up at me his eyes darted from me and then away. I saw the hesitation in his blue-green gorgeous eyes and I assumed I said something wrong. “I mean you don’t need to if you don’t want to.” My breath was ragged from his onslaught on my body and I despised how much I yearned for him to ravish me the same way he did on the table at the spa.
“I, ah, I...” he stumbled over his words and I hated how the mood changed in the room.
Quickly I tried to make up for it, “Really, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
Self-consciously he swallowed before answering, “I want to, it is just I don’t want to, well, be below ah, standard.”
Below what? Why would he think he would be bad at it? I still dreamt about his lips on me from the day at the spa so why would he second guess himself now? Sheepishly he mentioned, “You had ah, Charlie...”
Realization dawned on me, and I started laughing. “You think because we both have vaginas that she had a leg up on you?”
His look turned uncomfortable, “Yeah, but just don’t call it a ‘vaginal opening’. After last night, I have had enough with the term.” My unbridled laughter hit a new high and I couldn’t stop shaking with hilarity. I missed him. I missed his touch, I missed his conversation, and I missed this. The way he could make me laugh and be so damn sexy at the same time.
“For your information, Charlie never gave me goosebumps.” He hiked his eyebrows up at me trying to figure out if I was serious or not.
When I nodded my head he smirked, “Well then. Watch this.”
He jumped off the bed and pulled me to the edge now kneeling on the floor. Climbing up on my elbows from my supine position on the bed I did as I was told and watched him adjust me to his liking. Spreading my legs wide open I could already smell my own arousal. He waited until our eyes met and then I watched as the tip of his tongue tickled my clit. My whole body tensed up and I tried to squirm backward from the intensity of what his one lick had accomplished knowing how grueling the rest of his onslaught would be.
With his strong hands, he clamped down around my thighs and dragged me back to him, holding me in place. He smirked again in his sexy smile and hiked his eyebrows baiting me and making me squirm further. Bastard. I swallowed deeply and watched as he took his thumbs from underneath and pulled back my labia. Maintaining eye contact the whole time he dipped his head down, he placed his mouth around my clit. Fire shot up my body and I fisted the sheets at my side.
Mesmerized, I was unable to look away as he licked and sucked at me. His tongue stroked slowly in and out of me and then traced the outline just to return and lap at me again. In a vain attempt to slow my hurried breathing I tried to inhale through the nose and out through the mouth, but Instead, I caught a current of my musky smell and my arousal amplified.
I felt a slow trickle of fluid running down from my slickened opening to hit the bed and a sheen rose upon my body. I broke away to look at the ceiling as it became too intense for me. “Nina, look at me.” I didn’t want to at this point. I felt as though I would lose myself in the sensation of what he was causing, but I was unable to stop. Obediently, my eyes drifted back to his.
In a deep voice, he gave another titillating command, “Pull on your nipple.” My eyes lit up with the thought. He hovered over my wet folds keeping them hostage until I obliged him. I swallowed deeply and my hand traveled across my chest as I balanced on the other elbow. No way was I not watching the rest of this. Only when my hand enclosed my nipple did he nod and bring his tongue back down to suckle me.
My eyes rolled in my head at the sensation of his lips on mine and it only took one tug at my sensitive nipple and my legs shook and clamped down on his head. Goosebumps by the millions settled on my skin. I screamed out the one letter “J” and more wetness covered his face. If he was turned off, he was a damn good actor.
My elbow fell and I collapsed back on the bed as he sucked up what seemed to be every single drop I gave him while my stomach quivered and my spasms made any other movement out of me impossible. He stood up at the side of the bed, between my still open legs. He might be on the skinny side but his cock was thick and beautiful standing painfully erect defying gravity. With a feral look, he quickly reached into my nightstand to remove a condom. He sheathed his rock-hard shaft and I climbed up the bed in anticipation.
Instantly he landed on top of me and in me at the same time and I grabbed him to force him to stay close for only a second, but the second was just for me. To feel him deep inside and have his body covering all of me. It felt good. I felt protected and loved. Not wanting to, I let go to let him have his way with me. He sensed my mood and instead of thrusting in me he stopped and looked at me, waiting for me to meet his gaze.
When I looked at him he gently kissed me and the animal way we went at it changed to a tender meeting of our bodies. How he could go from one to the other I haven’t a clue, but he now moved inside me at a snail’s pace and my tender lining came alive once again.
Although the kisses were coming on stronger, I still felt the tenderness in him. He took his time moving in and out of me and shifted to stimulate my still sensitive clitoris. Relinquishing the kissing for now he chose to lovingly graze my face with his callused fingers attempting to memorize each laugh line, each blemish, and each distinction. My breath caught at the adoring way he was stroking me and I saw him in yet another light. My hands lay on his shoulders and I kissed his lips lightly waiting for us to come to our own happy ending.
The feeling started low working to a burning heat deep down inside me fighting to come to the surface. I felt it in him too. The way he was concentrating on his efforts to satisfy me again and I finally gave in. I wanted this for me of course, but I wanted it for him as well. Grasping his shoulders and pulling him to me I placed my head in the crook of his neck and trembled with satisfaction.
The goosebumps were back. Hell yes, I have never had them twice in a night. He stiffened once, taking time to feel my skin before pushing hard and deep inside me. His powerful thrust felt heavenly and I cried out in passion as he yelled my name in a struggle for air.
I listened to him say my name over and over while I collapsed back down on the bed with him on top of me. My head lolled to the side and I gasped for air waiting for the aftershocks to end. When the fuzziness of orgasm left my brain, I turned toward him again to see him staring at me. There was a look on his face I had no comprehension for. He kissed me so lightly I almost thought he didn’t. With moisture in his eyes, he leaned in and told me he loved me.
The disclosure stopped my breathing, and he saw the change in me. Overcome with emotion I let it sink in. Yes, I figured we had a deep connection and yes, I thought he was leaning that way but his revelation still took my breath away. I couldn’t deny I had the same feelings for him but when he declared it so easily it hit me hard.
I thought this was a new beginning. That we could start from square one and that all my past secrets were safe but now I knew my thinking was flawed. I needed to explain my story. Only then would we truly be on the same level. “JJ... I...”
When I started to talk, he protested. “No. Don’t say anything. You need your sleep.”
Sliding his softening erection from me it left an empty feeling in my body. The caress of his weight against my impassioned skin felt heavenly but him leaving was almost a rejection. “But JJ...”
He lifted off the bed and walked to the bathroom removing the condom. “No, Nina. There isn’t anything I want to talk about tonight. You need your sleep. You are probably worn out.”
Although he was being considerate, I also thought he protected his emotions from any rejection from me. He didn’t know what I would say to his admission of love and I truly didn’t know what to say about it either. I grew over the last several weeks apart, and although I felt a passion, a closeness with him that was hard to ignore, I also knew he didn’t know the real me. What would he think if he heard the whole story?
“Yes, I guess you’re right.” His diversional tactic worked as I couldn’t explain my past to him tonight. The last twenty-four hours made me doubt my emotional stability and I needed just a little more time to sort it out in my own head.
When he went to grab his clothes, I anxiously called out to him realizing I didn’t want him to leave. “Please stay?” It was a plea more than a question. “I sleep so much better near you.”
Giving me one of his heart-melting smiles he nodded and returned to lay next to me on the bed. The truth could wait for a time when we were both rested and feeling less vulnerable.
Climbing behind me he wrapped his arms around me and I started to fear the inevitable conversation coming tomorrow. Struggling to get some sleep I could tell that both of our minds were working too hard to get any decent amount of sleep.