Unable to stop my jittering, I knew Nina and Ryder looked at me as if I was ready to combust. The sex in the closet still reverberated through my mind. Sex without a condom was not overrated and I looked at her right now thinking I should lay her across the bar and have her again it felt so fucking incredible.
What I did with Emory was a gamble. When the rest of the band mentioned how he always found brazen chicks to screw in front of them on the tour bus because he liked being watched, I planned this with him on a whim. My only stipulation was the closet. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t had sex with others in the room before but this time I didn’t want to watch them, I wanted to watch Nina. I wanted to watch her and make her quiver. I wanted to make her orgasm and make her body break out in goosebumps. And more importantly, I didn’t want to share her with anyone else.
She was mine and I would never share her again. She told me she felt the same way. We were in love. JJ fucking Harries fell for an educated, amazing woman and little by little I have come to understand the true meaning of feeling so strongly for a person you would do anything for them.
We have grown so much in the last several months I felt I couldn’t even breathe right without her. I wasn’t sure when I became so pussified but I wouldn’t change it for anything. It made me feel even more like an asshole when I thought of Brandt and Chelsea. Where my relationship with Nina was blooming, theirs were still crumbling, and now with her living back in Wisconsin with the kids, it didn’t look like a reunion was possible.
Nina still had bad days. I could tell as soon as she left work but at least she didn’t fight me on it anymore. She let me into her world and let me console her. I let her cry in my arms. Big cleansing tears and I was so happy I could be the person she needs. Me. The asshole fuck up.
Carissa’s tour paid off big time for how abruptly it ended and Kapp Stone would only follow. I made good on my taxes and completed a full renovation of the house, furniture and all. I even put in a weight room in part of the garage for the days we couldn’t get to the gym. Her body got me so fucking hard. I never thought I would like a woman so muscular but the feel of her so firmly shaped did something to me. Maybe part of my enjoyment centered around her having an outlet for her stress but I felt so fucking lucky to have her to stare at every day.
Charlie never resurfaced, and we didn’t bring her up. The bitch was pure evil to let Nina think bad enough of herself to feel she deserved pain. Nina was still so remarkable in my eyes. Even after her supposed confession to me now so many months ago. How did she ever think she was less than wonderful? She was so caring, compassionate, and I had no clue yet what she saw in me. I just hoped one day she didn’t wake up and realize she got someone so below her status.
Bonnie loved her too. Tabitha and Bonnie both, but I noticed a connection between her and Bonnie and thought maybe Nina had a sister now. We have plans to get together for family outings and even Bonnie’s kids loved her. I only wished my mother could have met her.
My mind wandered to Jaeger. Quade and Sienna have been great about inviting us over to see the baby, but I got the idea Quade was trying to give Jaeger the opportunity to get to know me better, and forcing it would mean it would never happen. I understood my purpose in his life. I was the sperm donor only and couldn’t ask for him to have a better life than with Quade and Sienna. Now engaged, they were trying for another kid and Jaeger did make a pretty good older brother.
Nina stood in front of me nudging me every once in a while and I could even feel myself starting to get hard again. Christ she was beautiful, but I couldn’t afford to get a boner in the middle of the bar area, so I tried to ignore her at the moment. When she came out of the bedroom earlier dressed in her high heels and short skirt, not to mention the halter top, I almost blew my wad. At first, I thought it was great, but now I looked around and saw other guys leering and realized the downside of having such a hot girlfriend. Not her normal dress, and although I loved her in anything, I liked the fact she wanted to dress for me. It showed off her sweat in the gym and made her look so trim and tight I couldn’t help but drag her into the closet and give her goosebumps.
Now with her grinding against me again, I tried to think of anything else besides how I wanted back inside her. She deserved more than a quick fuck in the closet though making me glad of the romantic gesture I had planned. Fuck, it made me nervous. I wasn’t the romantic type but I just wanted to show her how I felt. What if I fucked it up? What if she didn’t like it?
So anxious about my debut coming up I didn’t see the woman to my left until I felt her hand on my leg. I almost thought it was Nina but it felt different. I knew Nina’s touch by now and this hand was foreign. With Nina standing exactly twelve inches from me at the moment, I couldn’t believe the bold way some groupies would get.
“Aren’t you JJ Harries? Oh my God, you are. Holy shit I knew it. You are even hotter in person.” I felt Nina stiffen and turn around.
This woman had to be in her early twenties and if you asked me she tried too hard in the hair and makeup department. Almost as tall as me in her high heels, her red hair flowed all the way down her back and her front supported an impressive rack. It didn’t escape me how her appearance didn’t keep my attention anymore. She wasn’t what my heart and soul wanted.
“Yeah, that is me, but I am just here to see the band with my girlfriend.” I put emphasis on the ‘girlfriend’ and I knew Nina would appreciate it. She stomached a lot. I might not be in a hot young band anymore but my reputation for being a record producer had the women flocking back. Not because they truly wanted me. No, they truly wanted the fame and money. Where they wanted only what my money and influence could give, Nina wanted the real me. I realized long ago Nina would be the only one to walk through a war zone with me. No, she was the only one I wanted.
The redhead laughed and leaned forward, “You could have a younger girlfriend if you wanted. More of a trophy wife type.” She scoffed at Nina and I watched as her hazel eyes went dark and her body stood taller for the attack. Usually she took a more complacent approach to these women, but I hated how this one looked at my girlfriend with disdain.
Before I had a chance to say anything she grabbed the woman’s hand off my pants and threw it back at her. “The only trophy you would ever be would be a participation trophy. Now get lost.” The look of shock on her face and the way Ryder busted out laughing stopped me in my tracks.
The redhead glared at her and I saw a lot of feathers ruffling. I had no doubt Nina could take her but I also knew she would never stoop that low. No matter how much wood it gave me to watch her strut her stuff for me I tried to put an end to it. “Look lady, I am not interested.” The redhead turned away in a huff as I grabbed Nina and pulled her in close to me still feeling her stiff and seething.
“Calm your tits.” Nina startled before turning her attention to me.
When she realized what I said, she broke out into a smile. Then her smile turned into a laugh, and she shook her head. “Calm your tits? Did you really tell me to calm my tits?”
I said things like that to her when she started to get too riled up and it usually worked. Just last week I told her to cool her crotch. It almost seemed as nothing I said would ever offend her and I had to laugh as I could be rather offensive at times. “Yes, I did. You know that you are stuck with me.”
Nina calmed and settled back between my legs to listen to the band once again content in the fact she was indeed stuck with me. Secretly I loved when her jealousy showed though. It wasn’t as if I could keep mine hidden either. She looked so fucking hot I had to throw daggers with my glare all night at the guys sniffing around her. If I wasn’t standing next to the owner of the club, much less being the big shot record producer, I would have probably gotten my ass handed to me on several occasions from all the young guys checking out my woman.
My woman. She was my woman and I lived in a new fear. The fear one day she would leave me but making what we had permanent wouldn’t be an option. Even if she had a momentary lapse in common sense, she told me she would never get married again. I would be afraid to be shot down if I were to ask her. No, I would take what I could get and hope to hell she would be with me always.
Emory was killing it on stage and I couldn’t be prouder. Those snot-nosed punks were destroying it out there and I couldn’t wait to see what it did for record sales. They only had one more song before they came to the point in their show where they would take a break and it had me edgy. Yes, the little stint I pulled in the closet made me nervous but it was nothing compared to what I had planned. As their current song died, the crowd calmed down to hear him talk.
“Hey all you fuckers out there! Are you enjoying yourselves?” Emory would do great on tour. He was a cocky showman and could work a crowd. After a bunch of catcalls and howls, the crowd calmed once again. “We are having the time of our lives playing for you fuckers, but we are going to slow it down for a song.” My palms grew sweaty and I brushed them on the front of my jeans.
The lights dimmed slightly and a spotlight shone on Emory as he walked slowly back and forth on the stage, “We only have one slow song on our new record to be released soon.” More screaming and hollering but it wasn’t due to the slow song, more in anticipation of their new album. Their introductory song we strategically let go viral last week already climbed up the charts and was bound to hit the top forty soon.
“This song is not an original Kapp Stone song but a collaboration with a guy who gave us our first break and put us here tonight. He saw our vision and helped us to get to where we are and will no doubt help us go even farther.” The lights panned out and landed on me as Nina backed away with a smile on her face, delighting in my uneasiness. This wasn’t in the plan and I look on in shock at whatever it was Emory now had in mind.
Emory smiled a truly devious smile but I could only guess at this point as the glare from the spotlight blinded me. “The song was written by the one and only JJ Harries from Social Offender and I couldn’t do it justice by myself, so I will insist he comes up and performs it with me.”
The crowd started screaming and my sweating palms now soaked the front of my jeans. They were supposed to play it for Nina. I wasn’t intending on going on stage but when both Nina and Ryder tried to tug at me and cajole me to enter the stage, I obliged begrudgingly.
“He may need some coaxing guys. Let’s hear from you.” The crowd clapped and stomped their feet but before I left the seclusion of my area I grabbed Nina and kissed her. “This one is for you. Think of it as a late birthday present.” I couldn’t tell if she could hear me above the crowd but I soon left her side and made my way up front.
When I walked on stage my nervousness changed from hearing the song I wrote for Nina to now playing in front of a crowd. I never had stage fright before. Actually, I fed off the energy of the band and the audience but tonight was different. Tonight, the song I was going to sing was put together for the woman I loved. I only hoped she understood how important she was to me.
Emory grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a quick hug. I couldn’t help but like the cocky shit even if he put me on the spot. Stagehands came out for stools for both of us and as we sat, he handed me one of his spare acoustic guitars. It was familiar in my hand as we used them during the days we worked together in the studio to get my feelings to come out in the form of a song.
I strummed the guitar and adjusted the nobs until it sounded the way I wanted it to. After the house lights dimmed again and the spotlight was on me, I leaned into the mic, “This song is for a woman who has stood by me through thick and thin. She is an amazing woman and I wanted to put into a song what I couldn’t tell her myself. Nina this is for you and it is called We Are.” One of the crew swung a light around the audience until he found Nina nailing her to the spot beside Ryder. Her huge hazel eyes were on me and when I smiled, she smiled back.
Emory and I performed the opening accompaniment to the song and when it came time to sing our voices merged into a harmony that even surprised me. We had been practicing the song for what felt like forever and this acoustic version seemed different than what went on the album, but I liked it better. The one I wanted Nina to hear should be the one to come from our blood, sweat, and tears.
The song talked about two people who seemed so unlikely together, beating the odds and carving out a life for each other. It laid out my hopes and fears at entering such a relationship and the fact I was totally enamored with this person. The chorus blended our voices and the harmony of the two tones meshed to make a sound not nearly as amazing as the person I sang about. My words were sincere as I crooned to her in the crowd:
Not once did I take my eyes off her. I was mesmerized by her beauty as well as the love I felt for her. Her eyes were glassy and I only hoped I could make it through the song. I hated when she cried but at least they wouldn’t be tears of sorrow.
As tears fell down her face, Emory bowed out and it seemed as if I sang only to her instead of being in a filled nightclub. My voice made it to the end but the last word was a little shaky. There was silence and then the crowd erupted and startled me out of my daydream. A daydream where she was mine forever.
I smiled sheepishly into the crowd and bowed taking my dues as any arrogant rock star would. After descending the stage I made my way back to her as people were watching. When I got to her I pulled her into an embrace where our mouths met each other, and I was able to hold her close. No matter what happened in the future, I would always have this moment with her.
Emory pulled the crowd back into a frenzy and the spotlight was all on him once again. When I removed my lips from hers I saw tears still forming and tried to wipe them off her beautiful, pristine face.
Nina leaned into me wanting to say something. “Marry me?” I was taken aback and swallowed hard. I must have misheard her. When she noticed my look of confusion she asked again, “Marry me?”
I stumbled on my words, “What... why...” She smiled as I tried to make my mouth work. “Why did you ask me that?” She told me she would never get married again and I believed her.
“Because you would never ask.”
It was true but I still looked at her incredulous. “I... I...” Unable to form an intelligent thought I tried to come to grips with it. Ryder stood off to my right laughing outright with my mismanagement of the situation making it harder to concentrate.
Now Nina joined in smirking as she too enjoyed my illiterate use of the common language. Finally forming words, I inquired, “But why would you ask me?” Why would this incredible woman want me?
She took her hand and placed one at the back of my neck and the other gently on my face and looked me deep in the eyes, “Because of your encomiastical ideals of me you still feel I am too good for you.” And she kissed me deeply and lovingly, and I had no choice but to succumb to her.
She wanted me with her forever. Me, the fuck up. The heroin addict who betrayed friends and let my rockstar fame behind to find out who I was and stay sober knowing the road wasn’t good for me. She didn’t care about it. She couldn’t care less if I had a name or even money, she just loved me for me. Pulling her away, I looked at her to make sure she wasn’t kidding because it just might kill me.
Her face softened and tears threatened to fall, but her proposal was genuine. “Well?”
Trying to hide my smile I looked at her and shook my head 'no' but mouthed the word 'yes.' Unable to keep up with the charade, I scrambled to wrap my arms around her and swung her around, “Fuck yeah!” She laughed and I reveled in that laughter. Swinging her in my arms I heard Ryder next to me whistling and yelling his approval but nothing could pull me away from her.
Gently as I could, I set her down while she proclaimed, “Wonderful. Now I will spend every day convincing you just how much you do deserve me.”
I smiled and felt as if my heart would burst. Life couldn’t get any better than this and as the night went on, I fell in love with her all over again. All the loneliness and despair I endured lead me to this point in my life. Yes, I fucked up. And yes I was an asshole, but to find someone who loved me despite all my misdoings? Well, I would work hard to be worthy of her each and every day.