HAWKE

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18. Three's A Crowd

Distance.

It’s what we need. Space. Time away from each other to fully process what just happened. My mind is so foggy, so clouded when I’m near him, that all rational thought gets thrown out the window. I need clear air to process just how wrong and horrible and awful this situation is.

I sit in my room until Patrick comes home from work. I chewed my nails until there was nothing left to chew. I’ve never felt so nervous, so anxious, so disgusted in my careless actions. So confused. I have no idea what to do with these emotions. I seem to want what I can’t have, I need what I don’t know, and I know nothing. I’m so mentally drained.

I knew I needed to tell Patrick, but how? When? Would he forgive me? Could we move past this? Did I want to?

He comes in the door cheery as ever, which doesn’t help my situation. I was sick to death, and worried that Hawke would decide against keeping our little secret and just blurt it out to him, simply for the fact that I had invaded his privacy so he invaded mine. “We had amazing sex and I gave her an orgasm, what have you done today?′

“Babe? Why are you so white? Are you feeling alright?” he asks, taking his coat off and laying it on the corner of the bed.

I place my hand on my forehead. “Must’ve eaten something funny.”

“Well I hope it passes soon,” he says with an excited grin.

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Come with me.”

He grabs my hand, pulling me out into the kitchen. My eyes nervously scour the scene for Hawke but I breathe easy seeing he isn’t out here, he’s still in his room.

I briefly wonder what he’s been doing or thinking since our little encounter.

Patrick leads me to the table as I take a seat. He walks over to his door, knocking a few times.

I gasp. “What are you-?”

Hawke opens the door, peering out at Patrick, wearing a loose fitting black t-shirt and some grey sweatpants. He eyes him curiously before glancing over at me.

God, he still looks so effortlessly good. And now, knowing everything that’s under those clothes? I can almost see the imprint of the thing that was just deep inside me, giving me pleasure like I’ve never felt. I swallow bile, my face must be a shade of maroon with the heat I now feel in my cheeks.

“What’s up?” he asks casually, rubbing the back of his neck.

My stomach is literally doing a full Olympic gymnastic floor routine inside of my body. I think I’m going to faint.

Hawke’s eyes sweep from me back to Patrick and the concern there is evident. Either he thinks I told him or he found out.

“Come on out here for a second, we need to talk,” Patrick says with a smile.

I bite my bottom lip as we all sit at the kitchen table together. Hawke sits back into the seat, seemingly relaxed. My hands are sweating like crazy, tucked inside my sweatshirt.

“I know what’s been going on,” he begins.

My face drops as all of the air leaves me. Hawke’s eyes grow narrow, looking from me to Patrick.

“You guys aren’t really getting along,” he finishes.

I inhale a breath for the first time in two full minutes.

“I know it’s hard, having a new roommate and all, especially when you’re both so different and having to share this space during the day. But, I really want this to work for the time being. I want us to all be adults here.”

I can’t stand when Patrick talks down to people like this, especially when it’s me.

“We’re being adults, Patrick, we’re just giving each other much needed space,” I clarify.

“I don’t know, maybe he’s right. Maybe we should put more effort toward spending time together. Get to really know each other,” Hawke says with amusement in his tone. “I mean, all we do is avoid each other, clearly.”

He leans back in his chair, placing both of his hands on top of his head with a grin pulling at his lip. My eyes narrow at him from across the table. I know what he’s doing, he’s toying with me.

“Exactly. Thank you, Hawke.” Patrick nods. “With me being gone so much with work lately, I’d hate to think it was awkward around here.”

I scoff, rolling my eyes and looking towards the kitchen. Hawke’s eyes are all over me from across the table. Why is he like this? Serious, sexual, then sadistic.

“C’mon Nic...” Patrick scolds me.

“Yeah, Nic.” Hawke says the name with a pop. “Maybe we can come together and be friends?”

I’m not even going to pretend I didn’t just catch what he did there. Cute. Real cute. If my glare could shoot bullets it would.

Thank God Patrick is so oblivious. Ugh, I feel awful. He’s trying so hard to make me happy, I know he is. He cares about me having to deal with this situation that he brought upon us. If only he knew how I was handling it.

I grab Patrick’s hands on the table and turn towards him with soft pleading eyes. “What I’d really love is some more time with you.”

Hawke rolls his eyes while Patrick smiles lovingly back at me.

“Well you’re in luck.” He grins. “I got us all tickets to go see Divine Intervention in the cities tomorrow night.”

“What?” I ask, looking from him to Hawke.

His face holds humor, amusement, and surprise.

“Divine Intervention?” he asks.

“They’re a Christian rock band. They’re on the rise.” Patrick smiles proudly. “Anyways, I got tickets for the three of us. Figured we could leave when I get off work tomorrow, we can pick up some food on the way.”

“Patrick. I have to work.” I shake my head.

“Problem already solved. I called and asked if someone could cover for you and John said he would figure something out.”

I can see Hawke wanting to laugh as he listens. He’s totally amused watching us interact and I could kill him. I could literally kill him.

“I don’t like that you did that. John’s only saying that because he’s a nice guy, now he’ll be crazy busy by himself trying to cover for me on a Saturday night.” I sigh, feeling frustrated.

“Nic, it’s fine. This is important, we need this,” he replies.

“Yeah, Nic, this will be good. For all of us,” Hawke adds, a twinkle in his mischievous eyes.

“Whatever,” I grumble.

“Great. This is good.” Patrick sits back, looking at us both proudly.

This is going to be so bad.


“You look fantastic.” Patrick says coming up behind me in the mirror the following night.

I blush as I finish curling the ends of my hair. I had no idea what to wear to a christian rock concert, but I decided on a sunflower, floral mini dress, with a cute leather jacket, some thigh high stockings, and some wedged black booties.

I might look too risque for God-Rock but, here we are.

Patrick’s wearing a pair of jeans with a cream, zip up sweater and Doc Martens. I tease him for looking like a hedge fund kid as he teases me for looking like a groupie.

Our playful energy is back and as horrible as I feel for the awful mistake I’ve made, I’m just thankful we can be flirty and fun again for the time being. That is until all hell is unleashed once the truth is finally out.

We walk out into the kitchen area, his hands all over me as Hawke walks out of the bathroom. His hair is styled back with a few pieces hanging down. He’s wearing black ripped, fitted jeans with a dark grey t-shirt that clings to his muscular figure. Black combat boots with a few chains around his neck and rings to match. He smells amazing, like some sort of spicy, aftershavey cologne or whatever guys put on.

My eyes take him in from head to toe and I swallow down the heat that is rising within me. He looks edible in the worst possible way. He seems to be having the same problem. He stands there somewhat awkwardly looking at me.

“Ready to go?” Patrick asks him excitedly.

His hands are around my waist as we walk towards the door. He squeezes me as I squeal before he plants his lips on mine. Hawke watches us from behind, using a fist to his chin to crack his neck, then follows us to the car.

“A Kia, huh?” Hawke says from the back seat as we start the hour drive to the city.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. Great gas mileage though. Perfect for traveling with work.”

I smile at him, squeezing his hand in mine as he picks it up and kisses the back of my hand. God, I’m the worst. I can feel Hawke grinning with the knowledge of what transpired yesterday behind my back.

I wonder if he’s still thinking about it the same way I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. His hands, his groans, his eyes, his face, his cock. The used condom is probably still in the trash in his room. Jesus, I’m gonna puke.

We arrive at the venue and it’s not what I was expecting. I was ready for at least a bit of an edge, but all I see is men dressed like they’re on their way to a golf tournament, girls on their way to Sunday brunch. Sure there are some people dressed a bit edgier, but even in my floral dress with a leather coat, I feel like the baddest gangster this side of Harlem.

Hawke’s expression says it all. He’s walking around behind us with a brow cocked and a twisted face. My guess is his type of raves are nothing like this.

We find an area to stand in the open area near the stage when Patrick decides to get us all a few beers.

“Should I come with? You’ll need help carrying-”

“No, babe, I got it. Just...talk to Hawke.” He kisses my nose before turning away and heading towards the bar through the growing crowd of people.

I grumble then reluctantly face Hawke who’s smiling devilishly at me yet again. This is all a game to him. Toying with me and my emotions, the only goal.

The crowd starts to get packed together as more and more people fill the small space before the stage. Hawke and I get pushed together. He holds his arms out, shielding me, as a group of boys no older than sixteen push past us.

He settles behind me, and takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around my waist, pulling me back into him. He nuzzles into my hair, finding my ear. I feel his tongue lick my earlobe sending a wave of pleasure below my waist. A breathy moan escapes me as his teeth drag on the sensitive tissue.

I come to my senses, pushing him off me while he chuckles.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!? Are you crazy!?” I ask, peering past him, ensuring Patrick is nowhere near.

“Sorry, just saw something I liked.” he says with a cocked head, licking his bottom lip, toying with the ring.

“You can’t do that!” I scold.

I turn back around to face the band who’s getting ready to start. Patrick rejoins us, passing beers around. He puts an arm around me, casually sipping his beer while the music starts up.

The band is actually not that bad. I find myself swaying to the music as the rest of the crowd enjoys the music as well. I peak over at Hawke who’s standing back from us a bit, leaning against a pillar with a leg crossed in a casual way, sipping his beer.

A group of girls walk past him, giggling and flashing him looks but he doesn’t pay attention. His eyes are locked on where Patrick’s hand is sliding down my waist. I really wish he’d focus on anything else.

Patrick cups my ass with one hand, nuzzling my hair as he continues listening to the band.

The awkwardness is becoming too much between the two and I can feel Hawke’s eyes on me like lazers. I begin to get flushed. I feel like I can’t breathe, like the room is closing in on me. Or maybe it’s just my conscious.

“I’m going to grab some water. I’ll be right back!” I scream into his ear over the music.

He nods as I push out of the crowd. I walk past Hawke without looking or saying a word and his head turns to follow me.

Grabbing a glass of water from the back bar, I take a deep breath and relax some. I don’t know if it was the crowd, Patrick’s hands on me, or Hawke’s eyes that got me feeling like I couldn’t breathe, but I’m much less congested back here.

I find a set of stairs leading towards the balcony and take them to get a better view of the band. It’s nice up here, away from all of my problems. I’m guessing I’m not allowed because no one else is up here, but I’m loving the space. I finally feel like I can breathe.

Leaning against the railing I watch them rock out singing their new song “Saved by Your Grace.” It must be their hit song because the crowd starts singing along to every word.

Holding the railing with both hands, I feel someone’s hands slide around my waist. I gasp at the sudden contact, unsure of who it might be. Happens when you have a boyfriend but also just so happen to be fucking your roommate.

They pull me back into them, hands sliding around my waist to my hips. I feel a hard body behind me and smell that delicious cologne as soon as I spot Patrick down in the crowd.

“What are you-”

“Shhh...” he interrupts.

His hands make their way to the front of my exposed thighs, slowly trailing their way up. We’re hidden up here, in the dark, and no one is around us. This is a setup for something bad.

I relax a little against him, taking a breath, leaning back and enjoying the sensation of the bass beating through my chest as Hawke’s fingers find the place where my legs meet.

I moan when he touches me under my dress, his fingers circling the outside of my panties, driving me insane. He applies just the right amount of pressure. A devastatingly perfect amount, getting my heart rate up and my breathing irregular. The buildup is becoming too much.

His other arm is wrapped around my waist, holding me in place as he presses himself firmly against me to let it be known just how aroused he is too.

“Jesus, you’re all wet,” he whispers in my ear, feeling the dampness from the outside of my panties and he continues stroking my slit with his finger.

His words, the tone of his deep raspy voice, and what his fingers are currently doing, have me swirling in intoxicated lust.

I blink my eyes, trying to wake myself up, when his lips find my ear again, his tongue trailing down my neck.

“No.” I say breathlessly, pressing my ass back into his erection.

“You want me to stop?” He breathes against me before planting open mouthed kisses on the sensitive skin.

“Oh, yes,” I moan, rolling my head back into him.

His other hand dips inside my jacket, cupping my breast, his thumb flicking over my erect nipple.

I shake my head, opening my eyes, seeing Patrick beneath us, thankfully still watching the band.

“No.” I say breathlessly. “No!”

I grab his hands, throwing them down then turn around and push him back against the wall. “You have to stop. We have to stop this. This is insane!”

I finally come to my senses. I just can’t function around him and he knows it. If all he wants is to fuck around with someone he’s going to need to find someone else.

He grabs my upper arms, pulling me back towards him, spinning me around abruptly so my back is against the wall before he presses his lips to mine.

His lips are so soft yet burning for me. His tongue plunges into my mouth as his hands slide up and around the sides of my neck. He pins me against him as his lips seamlessly run against mine. I kiss him back, meeting his tongue with mine own as they massage each other, dancing in perfect harmony. I’m on fire for this man I know nothing about. He groans into my mouth, pressing his erection against my thigh. It feels so good. Too good. So good that I know it’s wrong.

I press my hands against his chest, pushing him back off of me. “Hawke, stop!”

He stands there with his hands up, his eyes half lidded and his mouth open, as if he was just as intoxicated as I was by our connection.

“I’m sorry, you just...weren’t acting like you wanted me to stop.”

“Does the word no mean nothing to you?” I snap.

“Well not when it’s followed up with a moaning yes.” He grins his cocky side grin. “You’re sending mixed signals.”

“How’s this for a signal?” I say flipping him off.

“Again? So soon?” he responds with a cheeky tone. “I think I can still smell your deliciousness on me.”

My eyes bulge as I head for the stairs leaving him standing there with an amused face.

“Don’t follow me.” I warn, turning to see his sexy grin one last time with his hands raised towards me, telling me he knows, hands off.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself before walking back down to Patrick.

I really need to get my priorities straight. I almost hit second base at a Christian rock concert.

Hell is just a stone’s throw away.

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