I was cuddling with Orla, and I slowly felt that her breathing slowed down a lot and she fell asleep. I did too, even though I knew that we had classes. I was kind of scared that Draco will come in.
After about ten to twenty minutes I fell asleep too, on her, while drowning in my own fucking thoughts, once again I was overthinking.
“Elle, Elle are you okay” someone shouted my name, I didn’t recognise the voice because it wasn’t really clear.
“Who’s this” I shouted back, I was scared and confused.
Draco showed up, his face was covered in blood, his skin was peeled completely off. I looked at him and he was in complete pain, I saw it.
“What happened” I asked him and came closer to him but he flinched, and I mean FLINCHED, because he backed off a lot.
“Draco-” I repeated and stood there, all frozen, I felt cold feeling cover all my body, I couldn’t move, nor talk.
“Don’t look at me Elle” Draco said, closed his eyes and a white flash flashed before my eyes, he was gone.
- END OF THE DREAM -
I woke up, quickly jumped up and saw that Orla wasn’t sleeping anymore, her eyes were fully open and she was scared that I jumped that fast.
“Are you okay? What happened?” Orla asked me and I just stared at the dark green wall, and didn’t say anything.
After five minutes I layer back on Orla and she hugged me again, I calmed myself down and my breathing was back to normal.
Someone bursted into my dorm, I quickly jumped up and saw that it was Draco.
“What. The. Fuck.” Draco said and his emotions completely changed in his face, from sad and with almost no emotions he became completely emotionless, and the pain in his eyes became more and more visible.
“Draco I’m- I’m” I said but I couldn’t get any words out of my mouth. I was completely lost and I wanted to run away from everything, I wanted to disappear, leave everything and make everyone forget me.
“No need your stupid excuses, Riddle.” Draco spat with completely no emotion in his face and those words hurt me, a lot, but I’ve hurt him too.
“I’m sorry” I said, Draco was looking at me, directly in my eyes, it even hurt my head, because of the power his eyes held.
“Shut the fuck up” he said and Orla was looking at me and at Draco, she clearly didn’t have any words, she didn’t know what to say.
Draco gave me a disgusted look and left the dorm.
“I- I should go” Orla said and I didn’t respond I just sat on my bed thinking, overthinking again.
Is he mad?
Will he leave me?
Did he broke up with me?
If not the will he do that?
Where did he go?
Where is Jessica again?
Maybe he’s fucking her?
Why is he doing this?
Why am I doing this?
What is wrong with me?
Why is he so toxic?
Why is our relationship so toxic?
Is it bad for me?
Is it bad for him?
Maybe he’s used to it?
What if he will leave me for Jessica?
What if he will...
No no no, stop.
I snapped out of my stupid thoughts and tried to think as positive as possible. After few minutes Orla was standing in front of my dorms door.
“See you later, Elle, I hope you’ll be okay.” She said and opened my door.
“See you later” I said and covered my eyes with my hands trying to control my tears and the pain, I tried to control everything.
I walked out of Elle’s dorm, it was hard to fake my ‘emotionless face’ in front of her, but I tried my best. I tried my best to show that I don’t care but I think that she saw pain in my eyes.
I tried to go to my dorm as fast as possible, I wanted to cry it all out, maybe even cut it all out.
I was too hurt, I wanted to kill my self, just jump out of the Astronomy Tower, or hold my breath a little longer, or just simply drink poison.
I tried to loosen up my tie because I couldn’t breathe, it was very tight. As soon as I got to my dorms door I quickly took out my wand.
“Alohomora Draco Malfoy’s dorm” and as soon as it unlocked I ran into it “Colloportus Draco Malfoy’s dorm” and sat on my bed, tears started to roll down my face and I didn’t even wipe them off, I wanted them to roll down my cheeks and my neck.
All I wanted to do was apologise for my actions, and when I came into her room I saw this.
Orla and Elle, the love of my life, laying in one bed, hugging each other.
I really didn’t know how to take this, I didn’t know if I should cry or laugh or... Leave it? Just like this?
But my heart was shattered into millions of pieces, I felt those pieces, how they fell down my body, and hit my feet, my feet got completely numb and I was barely standing.
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck” I muttered to myself, my face was all wet, my mark was burning.
I couldn’t do this anymore, I had to somehow take the pain away.
I stood up and opened my nights table drawer, took out Elle’s letters, yes, same ones, that I wrote in the very beginning of this year, and found my old, big blade, it was still in the packaging.
I took it out of my drawer, put in her letters in and closed the drawer. I took the blade out of the plastic bag and held it in my hands, stared at it. I saw my own reflection.
Blonde haired, pale skin boy, all broken, with suicidal thoughts and about to self harm.
I knew that I wasn’t the same anymore as I was two years ago, everything was different and more difficult.
“Fuck it, fuck everything and everyone.” I rolled up my sleeve, right where my dark mark was. It was burning, a lot today, and I had no idea why, I didn’t know what to do.
I pressed that shiny blade to my skin and sliced my skin. I didn’t feel pain, I didn’t feel anything, but the I knew that my pain will go away with the blood.
When I thought about blood, I saw how red liquid was flooding out of my cut, dripping on the floor.
The cut was deep.
Fuck what have I done...
I sat on the bed again and tried to hold my cut, but I heard how someone opened my door and came in the room.