My body swam in the sea of sweat as I tried to rip open the door that separated me and my helpless little sister. I banged at the door with all I had, I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't good enough to save her. With every scream she let out, a piece of me got torn down. I felt myself breaking at the sound of her trembling voice. I felt useless, helpless.
'Open this god damn fucking door Mason!' I yelled at the man who was suppose to be my father. The man who brought us into this world only to tear us apart.
'Don't fucking touch her!' I yelled harder, I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand not being able to help her. I looked towards the woman who stood a few feet away from me, the woman who was also suppose to be blood. Suppose to be our mother. I pleaded her with my eyes. I couldn't take it anymore. Why was everyone around me fucked in the head? 'Make him stop' my words came out broken. I knew it was no use, she was never going to help. She never did. She just stood back and let it happen. I hated her. I hated him. Pounding my fists into the door, I had draw blood. My knuckles were cut open but I didn't care. I had to get to her, I had to protect her. My heart melted when her screams stopped. Her struggles ended. I didn't hear her voice anymore and that was the last time I heard her voice. The door swung open and Mason walked out with another man behind him. I didn't get the chance to even look at the man or to question my dad as I rushed over to the lifeless body of my little sister. She lay there motionless. Pale. Her eyes were open but she didn't look at me. She didn't move. I took off my shirt to cover her naked body with. I grabbed her and rocked her back and forth in my arms. 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry' I whispered into her ear. When I got no reaction from her, not a glimpse of life from her I realised she wasn't with me anymore. I yelled 'no' at the top of my lungs. I saw red, I wanted to kill my dad. He had done this to her, he had took away her precious life. She was only 13. That was the first and very last time I shed a tear. I cried and never stopped. It had been hours that I had clutched her in my arms. I didn't want to let go. I failed as a brother. I failed to save her, to protect her. I hated myself. I hated Mason. I hated that piece of shit of a mother. When I let go of her, I knew what I had to do. I ran out of the room looking for him, he was no where to be found. When I saw all of his stuff had been cleared out of his room, that's when I realised he'd left. He raped and killed his own daughter and ran like a coward. Rage was all that I felt. My body was on fire. I had to kill him. I had to kill something, anything. I couldn't hold back the war I had inside me. I searched for his guns, to my luck he'd forgotten one. I gripped it tight in my hand. Taking slow steps towards my mum's room. When I walked in, she was sat by the window, her gaze fell onto the gun in my hand and fear covered her face. I wanted her to cry, to beg, to scream like Lana did. I wanted her to feel the betrayal Lana felt before her life was taken from her. I stare at mum in the eyes. She's shaking her head, chanting 'no' as I point the gun to her head. 'Beg.' I say through greeted teeth. I wanted to hear her beg, I wanted to see her break before I ripped away her life.
'Put the gun down I'm your mum' she cried. The trembling in her bones excited me. For the first time in 17 years of my life I enjoyed something, I enjoyed to see her break. 'Beg.' I repeated. She put her hands out in surrender and begged. 'Please put the gun away you know I love you you're my son!' She bullshitted. I smacked the gun across her head. 'I said beg, not to lie' and with that I pulled the safety off the gun and as she got her last word out 'please..' I hit the trigger and burned a hole in her forehead.
I jumped up, my body shaking with rage and sweat. Every night I saw a piece of my past, every night they haunted me in my dreams. I clutched my throbbing head in my hand and focused on the pain. Everything I felt now was a result of my childhood. Everything I did now, it was all bound to my past and every night I'd be grateful for Viktor. Although he's always pushed me and been hard on me, I knew it was what I needed. If it wasn't for him, I'd be in jail for murdering my own mum or dead by the hands of Masons men. I lost something very special to me at the age of 17 and now at the age of 28, I'm so close to getting my baby sister the peace she deserved and this time, there will be no escaping me.