My body was burning up as I walked through the halls towards the girls toilets, his deep voice still echoing in my mind as his touch lingered on my skin.
Mr D was the last man a girl like me should be dreaming about, yet he was exactly who had shown up in my fantasy last night.
His hands ran down my spine till they fell onto my hips, his grip rough. He was an animal, craving me as his prey. I trembled as he pulled me against his body, his fingers digging into my ass cheeks as he leaned down to me. Whispering in my ear “Is this what you wanted little flower?” as he gently bit down on my neck. I should have run but my entire being kept me there, allowing him to mark me “You want to be special baby? Hmm, should I make you mine?” he wasn’t asking as he grabbed my thighs, lifting me up. My legs wrapped around his, my arms clung to his back. Yes! Yes is all I could think, hell yes.
My clothes flew off my body, leaving my skin bare against his. I could feel him rub against my core “Yes” I whimpered, grinding against him, begging for him to take me “please sir, please” then he kissed me. The hunger was overwhelming, the command he had over my body insatiable as his tongue danced with mine.
I moaned when he bit my lip, his hips teasing me as he chuckled low against me “who knew you were such a bad girl”.
I squeezed my thighs around him “only for you Mr D” I smiled up at him, he had positioned himself perfectly, his powerful gaze on me at my entrance, he was going to do it, oh my…
Shit. I heard the sound of my phone buzzing next to me, the time it read mocking me as I jumped out of bed. I had slept in! Ellie had text me non-stop, her last one being an apology that she had left with Olly and was already at school. I needed to get dressed, first period started in fifteen minutes but more importantly how was I going to get to school without a ride from Olly? The bus wouldn’t circle back for another half an hour, then the route would take another thirty minutes and I would miss the start of second period. I couldn’t miss the Math test, I’d studied till two in the morning for it.
I looked back at my phone while I brushed my teeth, should I call Mr D? The thought of seeing him right after the dream I had was terrifying, but he had told me to call him when I needed picking up from school, surely a lift to school was the same thing, right? I wonder if he’ll scold me for running late. Wait, why am I asking myself that, as if I want him to scold me, what is wrong with me. I rushed to finish getting dressed, almost praising myself for doing it in record time without falling on my ass once. Then I scrolled through my contacts till I reached ‘Mr Donavon’ my thumb hovered for a moment, contemplating if I should, if I could, do it. It's just a ride to school Lily, just do it, I told myself, so I pressed the button. The ringtone ran twice before he picked up and I was going to hear his voice, I panicked and blurted out my request as quickly as I could. Then he sighed. Was he annoyed at me now? Was he disappointed? “It’s OK Mr D, I’m sure you’re busy, I’ll just wait for the bus” I said trying to hold back the ache in my chest. I knew it was silly to think he cared for me. There was another moment of silence and then he finally spoke, it was short and powerful, sending lightning through me “be ready in ten”.
Ten minutes. I spent most of them fumbling around to grab all my schoolbooks and fixing my hair for the day. I had put it in a plat all night which although still intact, suddenly looked awful to me, so I undid it and put my hair into space buns. That lasted all of two minutes before I thought I looked like a child, my small frame didn’t help that, and I didn’t want to greet Mr D looking like a pre-schooler. Ultimately I settled on leaving it down with a black headband in it just as my ten minutes were up.
I stood outside waiting for what felt like eternity, butterflies doing somersaults in my stomach. I tried to remind myself that it was just a ride to school, nothing was going to happen between us. A minute later he pulled up in his black SUV, I inhaled opened the passenger door. Charlie was in the backseat, he seemed as excited to see me as I was to see his father. I must have interrupted him on the school rush. Mr D asked me if I had everything I needed, and I was so caught up in my fun sisterly role that I put on to greet Charlie with that I replied instinctively “Yes, sir!” in my most enthusiastic voice. I was beyond embarrassed, he’d only asked me a question; I could have just nodded to him! I might as well have saluted him with that response.
I couldn’t look at him for the duration it took us to reach Charlie’s school. Mr D told me to wait in the car, so I did. Watching him manoeuvre through the crowd of parents, it was obvious that some of the mothers fancied him, they’d try to stop him to talk, placing their hands on his biceps and sticking out their chests. It was like watching a nature documentary, except instead of finding it cute, it just made me feel sick. Did Katherine know her husband was the object of her friends desires?
Several minutes later he returned looking as though he had been to battle, who knew just looking like he did was so exhausting. Katherine was lucky though, having Mr D for a husband. She probably knew how jealous her friends were of her, if she didn’t she was a fool. He frowned as he slumped into the chair “is something wrong?” I questioned. Seeing him like this was enough to make me feel like I’d ran a marathon, I could only imagine what he felt like, probably nothing more than a piece of meat that just escaped the lions den.
Mr D jumped before regaining his masculine posture, why was he shocked? He tried to blow off the exhaustion on his face by saying it was just one of those days. I didn’t believe him, I think he hated how those women fawned over him, I wonder if he'd hate me to if he knew I was just like them?
We drove in an awkward silence for a couple of minutes until he broke it by reminding me of why we were here in the first place. The reason I had slept in. I didn’t want to tell him, I couldn’t, he’d be freaked out. At the very least he would break my heart by saying something about being Ellie’s father, and practically raising me alongside her. At worst he would do all that and then tell my parents that I needed a serious psych evaluation. I faced away from him hoping that he would just move on and forget about it, I wouldn't answer him, I couldn't. But he didn't let it go. “Lily, when I ask a question, I expect an answer.” He commanded. Holy shit, the Mr D from my dream flashed before my eyes and I shuddered in anticipation. I should have answered him then and there, I wanted to but something in me held me back. I wanted to see how far he would go to get the answer; would it end as it did the other day when he had ordered me to call him after school, would he order me without remorse this time too?
I wasn't given the time to respond, he stopped the car on the side of an empty street, although we weren’t far from the school, I knew he didn’t want me to get out yet. He grabbed me by my chin and swung me around to face him. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped me as I felt the warmth in my core rise up. I gripped the hem of my skirt trying my best to keep the strong gaze he had on me, telling myself not to falter now, I'd come this far. “I won’t ask again, little flower” he growled at me. Fuck. What kind of threat was that supposed to be!
I lost my nerve, struggling to look away as his chin kept my face lifted to his, I muttered out “I-I had a dream”. Why am I so weak! I wouldn’t tell him any more than that, I promised myself as he spoke again, questioning my response. I felt his grasp on me soften, though his burning eyes never left me.
“Was it a nightmare?” he sounded concerned. I suppose it should have been, to any other girl it might definitely have been, but I immediately shook my head as best I could, it was far from a nightmare. The memories rushed back to me and I gripped my thighs together more. I wanted to move my hips so badly, just as I had in my dream, this was torture. My eyes came crashing back to his as he strengthened his grip on me. The reality was this wasn’t a dream, this was really happening, but it sure as hell thought I was dreaming when his next words fell out. “Dream away little one, but if you get that seat wet. You will be punished” he didn’t waver for a second, his intention was clear, I’d be damned if it didn't work, he had me. Was I a masochist? I didn’t care, all I wanted to say to him in that moment was ‘yes, sir’.
Before I had time to react his hand had left me, returning to its rightful place on the steering wheel. He didn’t say anything else; he didn’t even look at me for the rest of the ride. He was certainly being cruel on purpose, leaving me feeling unfulfilled, I wanted more and he knew it. When we arrived at the school gates I jumped out as fast as I could, I had realised on the way that I he might take it back, apologise to me, I didn't want that.
The bell rang, as I finished washing my face in the sink. I’d been stood in the girls toilet running through the morning in my head, unsure of how to even function for the rest of the day, let alone face Ellie in the next five minutes. “You made it!” she shrieked at me as I walked into the Math block, we began walking into the classroom as she continued “I thought for sure you’d miss it and have to do a resit. I’m kind of disappointed. Little miss Lily getting detention for skiving would have made quite the scrapbook memory. At least then you’d be the one getting punished for once!”. She laughed as we sat down at our desks, I giggled to myself at the thought. I was the goody-two-shoes in this relationship, there’s no denying that but my fantasy about Mr D was anything but angelic, Ellie just didn't know about that and she never would.
If I was going to be punished for a crime though, it would be for lusting after my best friends dad, and if I had a say in who punished me, I'd want it to be him. Regardless of what Mr D says, I'm definitely going to hell. I was snapped away from my thoughts when Ellie didn’t stop talking “how did you do it?” she queried. Ellie knew the bus route to school, so she knew I didn’t take it, and Olly is the only boy I know who drives which means there’s no beating around it, I had to tell her. She didn’t know I had made a deal with her dad to drive me home from school whenever she had detention, would she question his motives when I tell her he agreed to drive me this morning?
“I asked your dad for a lift” I looked down as I spoke. Please, please don’t ask anything else, just say OK, I pleaded to myself.
“Oh” she said turning back to her desk and prepping her stationary for the test. Oh? That was all she had to say. Maybe it was me, I was overthinking it because of my own immoral desires towards her dad. Maybe it was pretty normal for a friends dad to agree to give you a ride to school, I mean who’s going to leave their daughters friend hanging like that? Of course he’d say yes, and of course Ellie wouldn’t think anything more of it. I needed to calm down.
For the next hour I tried my best to concentrate on the equations in front of me, trying to remember how to do use Pythagoras theory when all I could think about was Mr D. I wanted this day to be over as soon as possible so I could go home with Ellie, to her house, and see Mr D.
The wheel was huge, each cabin was made of glass so you could see in all directions, except for the metal floor, I was happy about that as I found heights scary. They had enough space to fit twenty people in with seating on either side, it felt strange that there was only three of us with all the room to roam. We came to a halt at the top of the circle, as Ellie began jumping on the chairs looking down at the events below. Mr D came over to me to sit down. He’d brought us here on a whim while his wife was off on a business trip. As he looked down at me he smiled, then asked me if I had enjoyed our day out. I wanted to tell him yes, he’d gone through all that trouble, and seeing Ellie happy made me happy as well. I nodded. Mr D's smile faded into a sadder one, I guess he knew I was trying to lie to him. He told me it was OK to be unhappy even if someone else isn't, then he reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out a toy. It wasn’t even the size of his hand and was a bright sparkly pink, it looked like a baby bear with the biggest blue eyes that matched mine. I was shocked when he handed it to me without hesitation.
Mr D told me he had won me a toy while I was watching Ellie on the ring toss. It was a gift because he was proud of me for trying my best. I loved it, so decided to hide it from Ellie for the rest of the trip. It was the first time I had felt special and something I learnt pretty early on with Ellie was that anything I had, she expected me to share with her, it wouldn't be special anymore if I did though. Ice-cream, dolls, clothes, over the years I’ve gladly shared them all with her, but even now she doesn’t know about that little bear Mr D gave me.
Ellie didn’t have a detention today, so Olly came to pick us up after school. I personally think he’s kind of a douchebag, but Ellie loves him, so I have to pretend I’m impartial, the last time I picked one of her boyfriends apart she didn't talk to me for two weeks. I find it extremely difficult to keep my mouth shut though, especially when he invites his arrogant friends to come along for the ride in the hopes he can pawn me off on one of them so he can spend more time with Ellie before dropping us off.
“hey, you got a boyfriend cutie?” his voice like sandpaper in my ear. It didn’t matter that the answer was no, I was going to tell him yes, if it meant his hand would never touch me again, I'd lie like a pro for once. I opened my mouth to respond but before I could get a word out, Ellie had already opened up hers and spoken the truth.
“No, she doesn’t” she said with a smirk and wink at me before turning back to Olly.
“Well then” he sneered “you want to go out with me some time? I'll make sure to show you a good time” his hand was moving lower down my side. Why did Ellie have to open her big mouth! I squirmed under his touch as he tried to stroke my thigh. I tried so hard to find the courage to tell him to fuck off, but I couldn't do it, I could never stand up for myself, so he continued.
“Language” a stern voice startled me from the kitchen. Mr D was gracefully leaning against the counter, his ‘best dad’ mug in hand and his arms crossed, perfectly showing off his muscles. The way the light bounced off his short dark hair was mesmerising, I wanted to stare at him for eternity, but it turns out I’m hopelessly shy around this man. When I realised he was looking at me, his brown eyes staring into my soul, I averted my eyes. I couldn’t take any more of this mans attention, he was killing me with his eyes. “That’s a ‘sorry, sir’ Lily” he encouraged me firmly from across the room.
“Sorry, sir” I mumbled, trying to sound sincere when I was still daydreaming about slapping Liam around the face. Sometimes I wish I was more like Ellie; she’d do it and she wouldn’t apologise for it either.
“What’s wrong flower?” Mr D asked, I had gotten lost in thought and when I looked up he had made his way over to me. He now towered in front of me, I could feel the urge to just fall into him, forget all about Liam’s slimy touch. I wanted to feel his instead. I looked up at him as I felt tears begin to swell in my eyes. His soft smile fell away, replaced with the face he had made the day he had first picked me up from school. He looked pained.
His expression didn’t change, not even when Ellie began talking about how good at kissing Olly is. When she had finished pouring her drink, taken a large gulp and grabbed a biscuit from the tin, she swanned past us once more. Only when she reached the stairs did she finally notice I wasn’t behind her. I began to tear myself away from his gaze, but as I turned to leave, I felt his hand clench around my wrist. "Lily" I heard him say under his breath, but then he let go swiftly, as though it were out of reflex. When he didn’t say another word, I continued walking.
When Katherine arrived home with Charlie, Ellie and I had already finished our homework. Charlie stayed behind at school most days so his mum could pick him up on her way home from work, which meant by the time he got home it was all hands-on-deck in the rush for dinner before his bedtime came around.
“Well Lily almost missed the entire thing” she stated proudly. Her mums mouth fell open for a brief second. Then Ellie continued “but she didn’t. Dad brought her to school, she made it just in time for the test we had in second period.”
Her eyes immediately left Ellie’s and fell on her husbands. I didn’t have to feel guilty about asking for a ride to school, I still did though, did he feel guilty too? “Well” she began with a hint of sarcasm in her voice “wasn’t that nice of him”.
Mr D looked at her, he didn’t look guilt-ridden at all as he countered her comment “you’d preferred she missed the test?”
Mrs D sighed “No. Of course not” her eyes at war with his from across the table “although, she should be able to make her own mistakes so she can learn from them. She can’t do that if you’re always there to bail her out.” she picked up her fork, twirling some spaghetti around it “You shouldn’t spoil her.”
“I don't spoil her” he retorted, his irritation evident "if anyone is spoiling a child in this house it's you, allowing everything Ellie does to slip by". Katherine didn’t respond, she looked at him with a face that told him how pissed off she was and then back to eating before breaking the silence once more to ask "why were you late anyway Lily? You're usually so punctual". Mr D's eyes widened slightly as I responded, telling her I had a had stayed up most the night studying for the test and when I had finally fallen asleep I had a nightmare. She then me if it was a out school to which I told her no. I thought she'd leave it there but she asked again as she ate some more "what was it about then dear?".
It was a warm enough night as there was no breeze, so we sat at the edge of the pool talking until the sun had gone down. Ellie apologised for her parents but then attempted to get me to spill the beans herself, I refused and she quickly moved onto more mature topics. The more she spoke about her experiences with Olly the more uncomfortable I felt, recalling the car road home. When I brought up the subject of Olly trying to hook me up and how I didn't want or need it, she brushed me off, telling me that I didn't know what I needed. Ellie loved to remind me that I was less experienced and younger than her, she liked to think she knew better. "you're going to be sixteen in a couple weeks, that's all I'm saying" she told me as I watched splashed the water with my foot gently, watching it ripple away.
He looked at me softly, his thumb running over my skin. I didn’t know which man I admired more, the one that could bring me to my knees with just his voice or the one that could make me feel so safe, with just a gentle touch. I closed my eyes just for a moment, so the only thing I knew was the warmth of his hand. After what happened with Liam I had become stressed, Ellie didn't help that, now all that was melting away, the memory was melting away, because of him. You're wrong Ellie, I didn't need Liam, this is what I needed. “Thank you” I whispered in my daze.
I heard his breath as he sighed, his hand moving from my cheek to the base of my head slowly as he spoke softly “I told you flower, you don’t need to thank me.” His hand came to a stop, resting at the back of my neck, preventing me from pulling away. I opened my eyes realising he was leaning over me. His face so close to mine, his eyes devouring me, his hand putting gentle pressure on my neck, forcing me to pay attention. My eyes clenched shut as his lips brushed against mine, my hands clenched on my stomach, waiting for what would come next.
In that moment I had only one thought, a prayer, a plead for him to kiss me.