Guardedly, I watched as he put on a pair of pants and left the bedroom. I jumped out of bed and put my clothes back on as quickly as possible knowing we went too far. We didn’t fuck, we made love. It was never supposed to turn into this. All I wanted to do was comfort him, show him how I could be there for him like he was there for others. Relieve some tension. Let it be a quick fuck for both of our mutual benefits but I let him see a side of me I should have kept hidden.
And it made me realize my feelings towards him.
Feelings I couldn’t separate clearly in my mind. This went beyond lust to something deeper. I couldn’t let him be long-term. I wasn’t cut out for a relationship. Neither of my past boyfriends worked out, and they ended up hurting me. No, I wasn’t going through the pain again. I had my job. My vision finally was coming to fruition. The company I created and worked hard to get up and running and I wouldn’t let anything sidetrack me. Once fully operational, it would consume all my time and I wouldn’t need anything else.
Deep voices talked in the main area of the house as I finished putting on my shoes and grabbed my purse. As I cautiously open the door, I heard a laugh and then a familiar man’s voice, “It isn’t like you to bring one of your conquests home but at least I can forgive you for forgetting me at the airport now.” I froze in the hallway just out of sight knowing his sound. Brandt had arrived at Ryder’s house.
“I can’t believe I forgot. I guess I had my mind on other things.” Ryder hadn’t been in the right state of mind. He didn’t tell me Brandt was coming to Vegas but I really haven’t talked to him much in the past week.
Inching my way down the hallway I stood just outside their field of vision while I thought of a way to leave without them knowing. But how would I get a ride back into town? Shit, I couldn’t ask Ryder for his keys, now could I?
Brandt placed his duffle bag inside the doorway as he exclaimed, “You could at least answer my call or texts. Listen, I’ll let the cab driver know you are here so he can leave.”
“Don’t.” I came out from the shadows of the hallway to the main room. All talk ceased and the look on Brandt’s face would have made me laugh had I not been so unnerved from the rest of the night’s emotional turmoil. “I'll use it since I am leaving.”
“What the fuck?” Brandt used his usual elegance to summarize the situation. His eyes bounced between Ryder and me unable to comprehend us being in the same room. “You two?” Still stunned, he recovered by the time I made it to the door and stammered out a question, “Does Chelsea know?”
“No, and she isn’t going to find out.” Ryder visibly winced after I made my declaration to Brandt. Chelsea had no reason to know since this wasn’t a regular relationship. We just fucked. Our trysts ended today. I couldn’t let it go on any farther. Brandt coming when he did reminded me how rockstar unions didn’t work. In the end, I would only get hurt. Now was just as good as any to stop this from going any farther.
“Ah, shit Ami. You know she is going to be pissed about this. The two of you together. It is one of her many quirks, and she will take it out on me if she knew I found out about it and didn’t say anything to her.”
Breaking Ryder’s stare I put on my best poker face, “Brandt you will not say anything to her. Promise me.”
He kicked at the ground like a pouting little kid, “Fuck.” It was as good of a promise I would get from him, so I made my way past him only to be stopped by the other man in the room.
“You don’t have to go.” Ryder looked at me in earnestness. So much hid behind those brown eyes of his. He wanted more from me than I could give. In all fairness, I would never be able to give him what he needed, and the sooner he realized it the better.
Faking a smile, I pulled away from him and headed out the door, “I have to go in early to work tomorrow.” He didn’t stop me from leaving. Although I could feel the tension, he was giving me space and I couldn’t be more relieved.
“See you on Tuesday?” I kept walking and didn’t even acknowledge the question as my sole focus was on the cab and getting the hell away from here.
It wasn’t until the cab pulled away I let doubt sink in. No, this was for the best. Rockstar relationships didn’t work out and I refused to let myself get hurt again.
Then why did I already feel like I was in pain?