Every time I end a contract I'd follow my very own guideline of How To Cope A Heartbreak in Less Than A Week. Because believe it or not, after spending 12 weeks with every one of them, doesn't matter if they aren't that appealing be it looks or attitude, I'm human. I released those oxytocin hormone, the love hormone everybody talks about, I got those when we had sex or did little things that in a way or another, I somehow fell for them.
The guideline is so perfect that I would always able to function like a normal Estelle Evans again in less than a week.
That's why I don't get it. I don't understand why I'm still hung up over that particular gay man. Why, after following the check list, through and through, I still can't get over him.
I even did the unexpected thing; ran after him in the middle of the night. Exclusive Estelle must have mocked me from a distance right at that moment.
I've never been a dreamer. I never imagined there'll be some kinda fairytale ending at each of my sugarbaby-sugardaddy relationship. My head gets that it's strictly business. My heart, my body, every inch of me get that notice.
So why, when it comes to Owen Harris, my head seems to malfunction and registers him as a love interest instead?
Why, I still have hope that we'll be together? It went from the first week to the next, the first month to the next, and when I finally took that flight to London, I gave up that hope... for a brief moment.
I should be happy for having him in my apartment right now. I should feel whole again when he asked me that question, declaring himself to be mine no matter what I decide later on. Why, do I have this unsettling feelings?
"This is gonna be a little rough, Precious." His warning snaps me from my over-thinking.
He's already naked with an amazing erection staring at my wetness, the sight of his beautiful self made me feel overwhelm; what did I do to deserve such a perfect guy?
Is this God's way to punish me? Present me with this magnificent human being then somehow, in the future, there'll be something happen that will hurt me? Because life, is all about karma. Is that why I feel worried instead of whole?
"Wait," I put a hand in between us, when he's this close to enter me.
"I think you should wear a condom."
As expected he flashes me a curious face which I'm very much ready to let him know why, "I don't know who you've been-"
"You're the last one," he cuts me off before I managed to finish it, "I've never been with anyone after you, Precious."
See, he's perfect.
I can't help but to grin, with a huge awwww at the back of my mind, but I have to be honest on my part too, "Well, I..." this is the part he's supposed to chip in.
But he just waits for me to finish my sentence with his angry erection seems to be judging me as well. Instead of leaning to the couch, I have now fixed my posture to sit up properly.
"I slept with a few. So, uhm, I think we should wear protection until I get my next test result." I know I don't have anything since I made them wear a condom all the time but still, I think it's wise to stick to the protocol.
He doesn't look like he's upset or have any judgy expression, which I feel extremely relieved since I'm not ready to have him away again, either tonight or anytime in the future.
See, he makes me consider about having him in my future. Why the hell did I do that? I have a plan, and it involves no man until at least for another three years.
"Do you have one?"
"I don't bring any."
"You don't?" It came out a little louder than I anticipated, which shocked him a bit.
"I don't plan on having sex with anyone, I certainly didn't think I should rush to the store after meeting you at the restaurant tonight. You kinda showed up without notice."
Think it’s fair, I kinda ambushed him tonight.
“I also don’t have one.”
Then both of us sit next to each other, brainstorming on what to do since we already have one solid steel-hard erection with a flooding basement right here.
"Sixty nine then to the store?" He asks the exact same thing I was about to propose. I grin and nod, guess we're up for round one.
I was still asleep when a trail of wet kisses on my face wake me up. Totally forgotten I invited Owen to stay at my place last night, I thought I was dreaming when I see his smiley face the moment I open my eyes.
Because I did, dream about having the sight of him the first thing in the morning.
"I've gotta leave for work," he is still kissing my face when he whispers those.
I'm still sleepy since we slept quite late so I just hum before closing my eyes again.
"See ya later, Precious." I feel a kiss on my lips then the warm touch is officially over, leaving me alone in my bed on a Saturday morning.
For the record, I didn't say anything about agreeing to be his girlfriend. All I did was returning his kisses then the next thing I know both of us were already naked in my living room. Then the condom issue, followed by a hot sixty nine. Blah blah, all I want to say is, I'm not his girlfriend. Yet.
I plan to discuss with my besties first since we're meeting up at Cloe's place to help her choose her engagement dress. But before that, let's settle the glaring issue I'm having with my teacher which Helen has kindly set an appointment for us to meet.
Donning a modest pink dress with styled hair and face full of make up, I show up at the place I'm supposed to be meeting Ray.
Client: E.E and -
Geesh the - is so unnecessary, no suspense needed since I already know it's my teacher I'm meeting today.
After handing over my winter coat to the attendant, I follow the hostess to my table that's still empty. Checking on the time, it's 3pm on the dot. I don't think Ray is ever late to our meetings before.
Oh well, maybe he has something going on. Nevermind, I can wait. I'm only meeting the girls at 5 so I have two hours to kill.
I mutter a thank you to the waiter once he sets the glass on the table as I continue texting my besties about what happened last night. I want to be his girlfriend but I don't want to ruin my studies. This is my final sem already! Just one more semester. One more. What if I get distracted or-
My fingers stop typing hearing that ever so familiar voice. So I lift my eyes, only to gasp seeing the one person I just saw a few hours ago is standing next to me holding a bottle of Rose, smiling, and now chuckling perhaps from seeing my reaction.
"Owen?" I can't believe I'm seeing him again at this soon-to-be awkward moment. Will he be upset if I tell him I'm meeting a sugar daddy?
Ex-sugar daddy, to be exact.
"What are you doing here?" Then I notice the black chef outfit he is wearing right now.
"Don't tell me you own this place too..?" Because that's the only thing I can make sense of, why else would he be here, wearing that outfit with his hand still holding the bottle.
He chuckles but shakes his head, "No."
“No?” Then why the hell are you here wearing that? With the bottle? Why would you pour the wine for me?
"This is my friend's restaurant."
"Ohhh." Makes sense, makes sense.
"Eeee." He laughs as he takes the seat in front of me after putting the bottle in a bucket full of ice.
I let out an awkward laugh watching him getting comfortable. Ray would be here any second and I haven't said yes to his be my girlfriend. I'm sensing there'll be a disaster waiting to happen..?
So I take a glance on my watch, hinting an urgency in my tone, "I'm meeting someone here so uhm, I guess-" Can you please take the hint and shoo? I don't wanna create a scene or something here.
"I'll see you later?" I reluctantly supply when he just watches me in amusement.
"You wanna see me later?"
"Yeah, later. I don't think it's appropriate for you to be here."
"Why wouldn't it be appropriate? Who are you meeting?"
Oh dear God.
"My teacher." Excuse me, please hand this girl an award for being honest right now. Also, I can use that same award to smack myself for being too honest.
"Your teacher? Why would you meet him here?"
Yeah, Estelle. Why would you meet your teacher here? Why not at school, like all other students?
"I... uhh. Can I explain to you later?" Time is running out. I don't want him to meet Ray, there's enough drama of our own.
"You want me to leave?"
"Will you be upset if I say yes?"
"Madam Helen will be upset, I guess." The way he replies nonchalantly as he shrugs, makes my eyes widen.
"Noooo-" he can't be.
He smiles smugly as he brings his arms to cross on his chest, confirming my suspicion.
"You're the dash?!" I whisper-shout at him which he has now changed his facial expression into a curious one.
"The email," I take out my phone and show him the screen, "She didn't mention you, just a dash here. She could've just put your initials." I sigh then take a sip of my drink.
He grins, "You won't be here if she puts my initials."
Well, I've gotta say he's right. If I didn't meet him at his restaurant last night, if Helen told me beforehand he wants to meet for this kinda meeting, yeah. He's right. I wouldn't agree to meet him. Simply because I don't do repeats.
"You could've told me this morning." I hope he can detect the disappointment in my voice. We've been honest all this time and he lied to my face this morning? Or last night when we fucked for hours, looking at me right in the eyes without even a word about this meeting?
"So you're here to secure another contract?"
I can't help but feel like I'm being judged with that question. I've never, even once, degrade myself or allow myself to feel degraded by this certain occupation. But when he asked me like that-
"Let's do it."
"Do what Owen." I ask annoyedly.
"You're on your way to get another sugar daddy, so let's do it. I'll be the sugar daddy you want."
Is he mocking me?
"Same rate, same contract, but I get to call you my girlfriend."
His girlfriend? Contractually? What's that supposed to mean?
"You don't have to force yourself to accept me, Elle. You can treat me the way you treat a sugar daddy. I won't mind a bit." He looked so serious, it's scary how serious he is considering we always have wacky conversations.
My hand flies to the wine glass in front of me, and I take the whole thing in one sitting, trying to digest what he just said.
"You have feelings for me," he says it confidently, "But you have this conflict that I have yet to unravel. You're scared of something. So let's do something you're familiar with."
The annoyance or the slight anger I had dissipate just like that. He's obviously trying his best to cater to my situation, but still want things to be his way. A girlfriend, instead of a sugar baby.
"Two thousands pounds." Shit. In pounds? That's more than double from what I used to earn.
"I only have one condition. Be my girlfriend. I don't care what else you want, just be mine."
The desperation in his eyes, or rather hope, is melting me. I want to be yours too, I really do. But it seems so wrong, though I can't put my finger where.
"If we do this..." I can't believe I'm considering his offer, "I get to stay at my place?"
He nods, still looking hopeful.
"I don't have to be with you every single day?"
"I can do whatever I want?"
"As long as you be my girlfriend."
"For twelve weeks?"
He sighs, but still, he nods.
And just like that his eyes light up, and a second later he's smiling so wide it's contagious that I'm also smiling myself.
The smile is short lived when he frowns, "What is it?"
"Honesty before romance."
And just like that he grins and leaves his seat, leaning to me for a kiss, "Always."