"What if I'm not pregnant?"
The finger he's been using to draw circles on my bare tummy stops abruptly upon hearing my enquiry. He lifts his face to look at me, "Are you wishing you're not pregnant?"
"I want the baby as much as you want it," I continue playing with his hair as I've been ten minutes ago, "I just wonder what will happen if I'm not pregnant. We clearly never planned for this, so what will happen next if we get a negative?"
I don't understand why I'm asking this question because I clearly have the answer; we'd proceed with our life as we've decided three days ago before this pregnancy scare- me going forward with my life plan, and him out of my life doing whatever he's supposed to do, without me.
"I can join your summer trip to change it into a positive next month."
I giggle at his naughty answer, "It's girls-only trip."
"Let's make it into couples trip then. I'm sure Harold prefers to be with Cleo instead of alone here the entire summer."
"Kimmie would kill us if you guys hijack our trip."
"I can invite my friend if you're concerned about her." He sounds too serious for this to be just hypothetical.
"Tall? Muscles? Blue eyes? Just name it, I'll bring one to the trip."
Clearly he's not stopping so I divert the topic into another question; "What happens if I really am pregnant?"
And just like that a wide smile appears on his face, the kind that is shown along with the eyes. I can't help but feel proud for being able to make him this happy.
"First thing first, we're gonna call the girls to let them know about it."
I grin as I nod, we're on the same page on that.
"Also to tell them you're skipping the trip this year. But," he quickly counters when I pout hearing the word skipping, "Next year it's gonna be you, and our baby joining so that should be fair, hmm?"
"You're not gonna come as well?"
"Oh? So I get to be in your life?"
"I thought I'm just gonna be the baby daddy? Since you'll be hunting for that guy with the cute story?"
I stop my fingers from caressing his hair, totally not in the mood anymore. Then I shove his head off my naked body making both of us sitting straight on the bed.
Right after the blood test, we went home since the result can only be obtained three hours later so we had sex, and eventually now we're in this conversation.
He's seriously asking that? When he's the one who purposely mocked me by mentioning the guy in the future I planned?
"You told me so many times there's no future between us."
"But we're having a baby together!" I shout at him with tears gleaming in my eye sockets.
"I don't want us to be together just because we're having a baby. By all means, I can be your baby daddy just fine without any other title in your life."
"You said you love me."
"I do, but I don't want to spent my entire life being with you knowing I'm there just because we had a baby. I want you to want me in your life because you love me, not because we have a baby together."
He gets off the bed and pulls me into his embrace. His hand strokes my bare back, consoling me from my outbreak, "I love you so much, Precious. I've been begging you to let me in your life since the first day we're back together. But knowing you finally let me in because of this baby, no. I deserve better than to be treated this way."
He lets go of the hug and swipes the tears on my face, "I promise I will do my daddy duties but I won't agree to anything else if it's just because of this baby."
I lift my eyes and stare into his, he's clearly upset too. But not enough to lower his standard. It hurts so bad when he rejects me this way, but I'm the one who brought us to this point.
"I love you, Owen." I just feel like I need to tell him one more time. Because I do. I really love him.
"I love you too, Precious."
We kiss briefly before I pull my lips gently to let him know what's in my mind. Three days might be too short to know if I'm sticking with this decision but I need to tell him now.
"I never wanted you in my life before this pregnancy. But when I know I could be pregnant, I start to think about what's life gonna be like, with both of you in it. Never even once, I imagine it to be just the two of us. I want you too in my life, Owen. Not just as my baby daddy, but also my forever. If that's-"
He already kisses me deeply before I managed to finish what I wanted to say. Sweeping me off my feet, he carries me back to bed.
"So you want me for me?"
I nod, "I want you for you. Not because of anything else."
"You'll still want me even if you're not pregnant?"
"Forever and ever."
It's been three hours but the doctor hasn't called. We had a couple rounds of sex after the forever-and-ever but now we're just staring mindlessly at the ceiling, waiting for the phone to ring.
"Are you ready for a baby?"
"Would you be mad if I say no?"
I giggle without looking at him, "Me too. Don't think I'm ready for one. I'm only 23."
"23 is the exploring age, I wouldn't blame you. But me," I can feel he's turning his face towards me so I turn mine as well, meeting his eyes, "I've done the exploring thing, established my career, this is the time for me to settle down, have a kid. I should be thrilled. Which I am, I really am, but," he sighs, and stops right there.
"But it's too sudden?"
"I wish I had time to prepare myself."
"Well we have nine months."
"You think that's enough?"
We look at each other then laugh in sync. I'm already sorry for our kids to have parents like us; a gay dad and a selfish mum. Now we're adding how unprepared we are at this.
"We're not ready for a baby." I put that statement out despite the situation we're in.
We keep quiet for a moment to let that sink in, and gaze at the ceiling once again. I'm getting anxious about the result, when the hell is the doctor gonna call? It's been three hours and four minutes.
"Do you wanna get married before or after the baby's here?"
"What?" I instantly turn my head towards him, "What did you say? Did you just propose to me like this?!"
He laughs when I hit him with my hands and legs, "You got it right, I'm an abusive woman! Mainly because you started our marriage with a lazy-ass proposal like this! Not even a ring?!"
Hugging me tight with an attempt to stop my action, he laughs louder as I shout, "I'm gonna drain your bank account with my lavish spending! Drain your energy with my attitude! Drain your balls with my sex addiction, and-"
The bastard fucking laugh so loud that it hurts my ear, "Let me go Owen!"
"Say you'll marry me first."
"I want a grand proposal, not thisss!"
"I promise I'll propose again, but say yes to me first."
I groan and try to release myself but he's too strong, "Fine! Yes!"
"Before or after the baby's here?"
"Before!" Because my parents would freak out if I have a baby without being wed to a man. Typical small-town religious Texan couple.
"Yay!" Instead of letting me go he nears his lips to mine and kisses me forcibly making me both annoyed but laugh anyway.
"You're unbelievable!" I exclaim as the phone starts to make noise making both of us look at each other and the next second he quickly runs to the bedside table to reach for it.
"Yeah?" He puts it on loud speaker once he confirms it's the doctor who's calling.
"Negative. You're not pregnant, Miss Evans."