He's sitting lazily on my couch with a beer bottle on the coffee table, a hand is dipped in the popcorn bowl while another is hidden in the throw blanket -don't ask me what's it doing in there-, definitely enjoying himself while watching a movie. An action movie by the looks of it, not some hand-in-the-blanket kinda movie.
"I need something to distract me," I repeat, "I keep on thinking about what happened at the clinic. Thinking all of the if's. Bad if's. I can't sleep, Owen. Distract me." I sigh loudly but he smiles then taps the empty space next to him.
"How do you want me to do it? Gossip? Our friends or celebrity gossip?" He pauses then continues, "Want me to make you finger food? Those little meatballs? Chicken nuggies?"
No, not chicken nuggies. Definitely not that. I don't want to end our night like how it used to be; him stuffing his nugget in me after he fed me with the real one. Or give a taste of his nugget while we wait for the real one to cook. Or-
"Popcorn then?" He shoves the bowl towards me but I quickly shake my head, more to shoo the inappropriate thoughts away than to decline the popcorn offer.
"Can you suggest something that will really take my mind off?" Then I realise I just said it as if I meant it that way. Damn it.
"I can but you've gotta be willing to participate." He wiggles his eyebrows making me hit his chest instantly, "Are you mad? You're married!"
He chuckles, enjoying his time for successfully rubbing me the way he intended, "I'm not."
"Yes you are. You are the definition of madness."
"I agree to that considering how I've lived my life so far but I mean the other one, Sweetheart."
"What other one?"
"I'm not married."
My eyes widen as I shout in shock, "What?!" Then I hit him again, "It's not funny, Owen!"
"It's a bit funny, Tia. Aaaa-ha-ha-ha!" He mimics his daughter including the laugh which I can't help but to laugh along.
"I'm gonna ask Pao to sleep with me tomorrow. We never had sleepover, Papa!" It's my turn to copy Pao's outburst earlier when he said no to her request.
"No sleepover until-"
"Oh come on! Don't be a boring dad. I experienced that growing up, didn't stop me from whoring myself once I'm out of the house, didn't I?"
Before he manages to say anything I quickly apologise, "Sorry, didn't mean to compare myself with Pao. I clearly grew up in a different kind of household, which is nothing like you and Pao have. Sorry Papa." I pout, copying Pao's infamous innocent apology look and tone. She's a manipulative fox, that one.
He doesn't say anything but stretches his long arm to scoop me into an embrace, fixing the throw blanket that's covering his bottom half to be on me too. His fingers play with the end of my hair as we remain quiet, for what feels like the longest one minute I've ever had until he opens his mouth again, "I can't guarantee if things are gonna be fine but I'm here with you, no matter what."
"Who knows those two are all we need to get you pregnant. And the second the stick tells us it's a positive, I promise I'll be your anything. Errand boy, massage boy, cook, cleaner, anything. Just name it, I'll get it done." Like how you did when I was pregnant with her?
"If it doesn't, it's okay too. Cause I know you'll ace it the next cycle. I'll be here no matter how long it takes."
"Hmmm." But there's a big part in me that doesn't believe it. It's like I know he will eventually leave. And my heart cracks thinking I won't be able to see the duo anymore. Trio; including Hugo.
"Do you remember we still have one frozen embryo left in Aberdeen?"
I do. But I also remember I signed all rights to him when we did our second and third IVF cycles; I would be too overwhelmed with the procedures I thought it'd be best if I put him in charge of the papers, handling all the legal stuffs.
I called the clinic right after my doctor told me about my declining egg reserve, wanting to use that last hope. But they told me Owen is the only person who can retrieve that information since it’s solely under his name. Which means, I need his approval if I were to use that embryo.
We just started being close with each other at that time; the last thing I wanted to do was ruin the friendship so I opted for IVF, putting that frozen embryo as my last resort. Afterall, isn’t it awkward to be pregnant with you ex husband’s baby?
Though honestly, I want the baby to be mine. Just mine.
After the bad break up, the last thing I wanna have in my life is to overthink if one day Owen will repeat the same thing, but this time it won’t just be me. Imagine how hard it is to explain to the little kid his or her papa leaves because he needs some space. Imagine doing that to Pao.
That’s why I choose to do the IVF and pregnancy on my own. Little did I know he’s gonna be involved in this cycle too.
"I’m sorry if I reminded you of her." He pulls me back to his chest and kisses my hair. He must have mistaken my silence with the memory of her.
"Pao’s been asking if she can have a little sibling. I feel like I’m lying to her for not telling about the elder sister.”
“You’re not lying, she’s only four. Perhaps wait until she’s a bit older, until she understands about life and death.”
“Hmmm.” He hums as he continues stroking my hair, until I turn to him with a threatening look, “But I'm gonna tell Hugo you said you’re not married! How dareee you!"
He grins without saying anything which makes me narrow my eyes, "Why are you looking at me like a creepy pervert?"
"Because I really am not married anymore. I'm officially a creepy pervert now."
"Hugo filed for divorce last month."
"What? Why? Why didn't you tell me? Is that why you went missing? He filed for divorce?"
"We've separated since Christmas."
I wanted to shout another noooooo but I think it's best if I seal my insensitive mouth tight.
"Yeah you guys see him at the house, at the dinner and everywhere but that's what we agreed, Pao would still be our priority. We're gonna tell her before her birthday next month."
"Awww Owen," I throw my arms around him for a tight hug which he chuckles, "It's okay. Perhaps it's a good thing. I don't want Pao to think that's what love is. Or what marriage is supposed to be."
I do agree their relationship is quite heated, I mean in the wrong way. But I never thought it would end this bad even if it's unhealthy for Pao. I thought they'd take some time off and regroup.
Well that sounds familiar.
"It's better to be happy alone than be in a miserable relationship together." That too sounds familiar.
“Over here, officer! This is the man!” I shout while we’re still hugging, “Lock him up! He’s too dangerous to be let out, or left alive. Get him before he breaks more hearts! Both men and women’s!”
He laughs as we loosen our hug, “That last one was unnecessary.”
“I’m not going out until this man is behind bars!” I shout again to the invisible cop, making him laugh louder.
"I'm sorry I turn this to be about me." He says once we've toned it down.
"Well, I got the distraction I wanted." My mind's been tracing back all the memories I've had with both of them since Christmas.
They sure are good actors; they fought real bad but not to the point of anyone to guess they're already separating.
"Think you'll be able to sleep now?"
"Or you want another distraction?" He wiggles his eyebrows again which makes me run to my bedroom.
"Not with the gay best friend, no thank you!"