Done with all ten stimulation injections, also with the ultrasound, the blood work, and just a few hours ago my doctor shared how both my follicles are in eggcellent condition that she agreed, or rather surrendered to my stubbornness to proceed with the trigger shot.
"Yay! I did it! I did it guys!" I shout in joy in front of the laptop, videocalling my besties.
The girl besties, since the gay guy bestie is currently sending his daughter home; Pao threw a fit after dinner, refusing to go home with her nanny like the past two days. She argued how it's not a school night so she should be allowed to stay here for a sleepover.
It pained me that I felt like agreeing to her request but I knew better than to interrupt his parenting technique. I wouldn't want anyone to interrupt me with my babies so I keep quiet and respect his decision.
He ended up escorting Pao to the car, even sending her himself with Philip and Nancy.
After sharing the good news with them, I proceed to my room to take a shower and chill since my trigger shot is scheduled to be at 2 a.m. considering we'll be harvesting this Sunday at 2pm.
By the time I'm out of my bedroom to get a glass of water at the kitchen, Owen is already home, sipping his Scotch with an unhappy face.
"Am I a bad dad?" He asks when I drink my water without saying anything to him. I thought he needed some space so I decided I'm just gonna be invisible.
"Why would you say that? No, of course not! You're the best dad ever!"
He sighs, "She just wanted a sleepover."
Well, yeah. She just wanted a sleepover. I have a very big bed, it wouldn't be a problem at all if we sleep together. Or if he wouldn't let her sleep with me, he could've said yes to staying here and share the bed with her at the guest room he's sleeping in but yeah, I'm not the parent. So I shouldn't put my opinion anywhere.
"I just think it's inappropriate for her to stay. I don't want her to see the needle. I think it'd be too much for her. She's just four." He's clearly reasoning with himself so I sit in front of him, providing the support he needs. Even just by a mere presence of a bestie.
"Can we have her here tomorrow night?"
I can't with this cute request, and that cute face, definitely Pao's male version, "Of course, Sweetheart. She can be here for breakfast, lunch, dinner, not just for the sleepover. We'll pick her up tomorrow morning."
Just like that he beams in happiness as he smiles with that cute dimple. His clear blue greenish turquoise-ish whatever-color-ish eyes shine and the blonde hair that's usually parted in the middle has fallen on his forehead, mimicking Pao's hairstyle with her bang. Urgh Male Pao, I tell you.
Okay. What the hell is happening?
One second he was praising me of how good I am with this last shot and the next, he's stealing the chocolate I just stuffed in my mouth.
And by stealing, I don't mean the old fashioned way of using his hand to take it away from me. It's this unconventional method of using his tongue to test if the taste is still the same like six years ago.
The last step of our little IVF injection ritual is for him to reward me with my favorite chocolate bar; unwrap it, put it in my mouth, then kiss me until it melts, or we both melt on the nearest surface we can find for a hot make out session.
So that was it, he asked if that same chocolate bar I had years ago still taste the same.
For God sake, go buy a new one if this is the last package you have! I'll gladly give you a hundred bucks if one can't make you decide if the taste has changed or not. Why would you come and kiss me for a taste?
And why the hell am I returning his kisses, eating his tongue with the same intensity he's doing me, acting like a hormonal teenager who lacks experience that she'd do it with just anyone. Including a gay best friend.
I can feel his palms on my back, gently pulling me to get closer that it isn't possible anymore since our front is already touching. Our body collide that the palms move lower to my thighs, taking my entire weight to the kitchen island. Perfect. Now we're at the perfect kissing angle.
I thought the moans are already embarrassing, but when I whimper in protest the moment he pulls his lips just to put it on my neck, it gets worse to hear louder, clearer noise that my mouth are now free from restriction. Have I mentioned the injections made my hormones haywire?
By haywire I mean horny.
I can hear him chuckling when I accidentally let out a low growl in a weird, desperate way. Who wouldn't when I'm feeling this good. I haven't felt this good since, uhh, since, uhmm since-
I swear I'm trying my best to calculate how many weeks has it been since I last felt this good but I can't, I'm too consumed by his suckling on my neck, earlobes, nipples, everywhere. I'm feeling him everywhere.
"Don't be shy, make those noises," he murmurs when I bite my lips as an attempt to keep it down, "I wanna know I'm being encouraged."
And just like that I push him away from me, only to realise my tank top has been lowered to my tummy, exposing the entire chest area to him.
"What's wrong?" He asks in confusion. Really? What's wrong?
"You could've said unicorns exist and I wouldn't be as mad as when you asked that. What's wrong? Really, Owen?" I've fixed my top again and ready to hop down when he locks me with his body, not allowing me to go anywhere.
"You're single, I'm single. I don't see anything's wrong with us having-"
"No. No no no no."
"We've watched this movie too many times. We know what’s gonna happen in the end."
"Maybe that's not the end. Maybe it's just the plot, you know, the climax. The middle of the chapter. The suspense. Maybe this is the end."
We stare at each other, and I know we both caught that one word and if it isn't a serious situation we're in we'd be laughing it off, playing around that word.
"We're good together." He tries again.
"I ruined your life." Maybe others have different opinion on this, because they think he left me. They think he left me at the time I needed him most.
But no, I dove deep with my therapist on this topic.
He has helped me with his best until he couldn't anymore. He left before we're both destroyed. He left with what little he had left. If he didn't, I would've still lived in that same painful cycle. We would still live miserably.
"Why would you say that? No. You never ruin my life, Elle."
"I did. I ruined your life. You're lucky you got away before it's too late." It's proven. He has Pao now. Look how lucky he is. And I thank God for giving him Pao before it's too late, before his health, or any other factors stop him from having a baby.
"Fine. If you say it that way, fine. You ruined my life. But did we have fun?" I bite my lips to stop me from letting out tears or saying anything I'd regret. We did. Immensely.
"Exactly." He says it in a sharp tone then steps backward, letting me out of his cage. I can hear his frustration from the loud sigh.
"I'm sorry." He says when I've landed my feet back on the floor.
"It's okay." I reply as I turn my body the other way. I don't have the courage to look at him in the eye, afraid if I'd burst into tears like a little girl.
"I'm sure we're just confused." Because there's no other explanation to this. He has moved on. He has a daughter, a good marriage with a man he loves, it's so clear that he has moved on.
I thought he'd be the anchor in our friendship so I won't be swayed in the wrong direction. Turns out he's the one who sways that way first. And I can't trust myself if I can stay here or be swayed as well.
No. We're just confused.
"You with the whole divorce thing and me, well, hormonal. Let's just forget about it." I can't believe I'm excusing him for what he just did.
Fine, what we just did. Yes he initiated the kiss but I'm the one who went closer, letting out all those embarrassing sounds. As he said, encouraging him.
"I'm sorry I crossed the boundary," he steps forward but still, with a good distance between us, "I know it's gonna get weird between us after this but please, let me stay. At least until Cleo's back."
My heart warms knowing I've caught one of the good guys. The good, responsible one. Whoever has him next is beyond lucky. So I reply with a genuine smile, "Of course you're staying. Who else is gonna cook me Michelin star food."
"Thank you." He sounds so grateful to hear it.
"You're welcome. Though I should be the one thanking you for being here."
He grins, stretching his hands forward to cup my face, "You're too cute. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back."
I laugh at how awfully lame that line is, and how dare he uses it after what happened just now. It's still a touchy subject. What's next? Climax?
But he laughs too, which definitely makes me feels better compared to the tension we had just a few minutes ago.
Until he suddenly tilts my head to meet his lips.
Nothing's funny anymore.
Because I'm not just meeting his lips, I'm meeting the tongue too.