But yes, I do want to be his breakfast. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or all of them. My battery operated boyfriends know how much I want to be his meal.
I chose no not because I'm challenging him so I'd get to be his meal. I'm saying no simply because I'm tired of being ignored, of being treated as if I'm invisible.
It's my day off, I deserve to be happy. More so that I'm about to see my baby today. Nothing can ruin my mood, not even him. So screw him. To hell with his stupid demand. I'm not his little girl. Not anymore.
He doesn't chase after me, and I don't feel relieved at all knowing how much he doesn't care about me. It was just an empty threat then. Maybe I made the right decision.
Because right now I'm off to have breakfast on my own. If I did as he ordered me to, I might not eat in peace, keep feeling nervous instead, wondering if I should be quiet or make small conversations which I know it'd be just me talking while he barely looks at me the entire duration.
I go for my check up after the big breakfast, then go to Pao's school at noon to pick her up. We have lunch at our favorite sushi place as I excitedly show her three ultrasound pictures of her little sister.
Though she doesn't seem interested much about the pictures, commenting why would I take black and white photo when she can hardly see her sister's face, demanding I should try again with my phone's camera so she can see better.
We come home after her ballet class, only to be surprised with Owen lying down on the couch, watching a movie like he has nothing else to do. What a life, of being a millionaire.
Unlike me who's a mere peasant, gotta work day and night to pay for my fancy lawyer, my mortgage, and a baby on the way. What a life indeed.
"Go take your nap, I'll watch Pao." Nancy tells me when Pao has already joined her Papa watching a movie that does not look age-appropriate for her.
"Alright. Just wake me up if you need me." I tell her before going to my room.
She expressed her concern of how tired I look when we were waiting for Pao to finish her ballet class. She asked me to just go home and take a nap but I refused to, since I've promised Owen and Hugo to pick her up by myself. Though I won't lie, I was tired from all the activities since morning.
But I'm super grateful I didn't come home, or I'll be in another awkward situation with just Owen here.
I wake up groggily to the sound of Pao screaming while laughing. I live with them long enough to know that's the outcome of her Papa tickling her. What time is it now?
My eyes widen in shock seeing it's almost 8. I've been sleeping for three hours? It's supposed to be an hour nap! Ahhh me and my nap. It will never be one hour. Guess I hit snooze too many times.
I jog to Pao's room when I hear Owen's voice saying Goodnight to her, wishing I'd be there before he closes the door.
"Mama! You're up!" She sounds too cheerful for someone who's about to sleep.
"Yeah, sorry I didn't wake up earlier."
"It's okay, Papa's here." And there he is, wearing the shirt that got me into this state; I make cute babies.
"Night Pao." He gets up from her bed, walking towards me with his eyes looking at me. Staring at me. What happened to looking everywhere but me? Is it because of my hair? But I put it in a nice bun, it's not messy at all.
Or is it my face? I did check my face in the mirror before coming here. I've removed my make up and cleaned my face before taking my nap so why? It's not like I have mascara running down my face, or lipstick smudge. My face's squeaky clean.
Is it because of what I said this morning..?
"Night Papa. Love you, see you tomorrow. Night Mama."
"Night night Baby."
He closes the door but doesn't go anywhere, just standing in front of me, still staring.
...okay. Should I apologise for running away from him? But I already said no, it's his problem since he's the one who couldn't take no for an answer.
"I... erm. I'm gonna go eat." As usual, I fill up the buffer between us.
I walk backward while he keeps staring at me, then when we're three feet apart I scurry to the kitchen to find food.
Or to escape him.
"I'm sorry about this morning." I apologise to him once I see him walking to the main door, with a jacket in his hand signalling he's going home now.
I've been eating at the kitchen, hiding from him in case he's anywhere around the dining table. Though I do have another plan that if he comes here, then I'll go to the dinner table to escape him. Again.
Honestly, I feel bad for saying what I said to him this morning. We've been great at this co-parenting so far so saying those stuffs, eventhough it's obvious I was right with the way he treated me, make me feel like I should've just shut my mouth. Can't you just go without saying those stuffs? Noooo, you've gotta say it huh Estelle? Urgh. For the fact you owe him so much he didn't deserve that confrontation.
He proceeds to opening the door without acknowledging what I said so I add, "I did us a favor. We both know you can't stand the sight of me. You're proving it now." What, Estelle? What? I said shut your mouth. Not add more to the flaming fire.
He definitely surprises me when he lets go of the door and turns around to look at me. My baby kicks right at that moment, as if giving me a pinch that this is a reality. Her Papa, for the first time ever, is giving me a second look.
His eyes shift towards my hand that is caressing my tummy, to ease the impact of her kicks. I gulp watching him steps forward, closing the gap between us.
"I want to eat you," he whispers so close to my ear that his breath is blowing my hair, "Do you want me to prove it to you too?"
Ohhhhh God. Oh dear God.
He steps away from me without giving a third look when I'm already sweating over here. Sweating in my panties, that is. Luckily I've already charged all my boyfriends so I'm good to go once he's outta here.
Just like that he walks to the door and leaves. I ditch the dinner I was still eating and hurry to my room. There's no time for food. I need to relieve myself first.