Insatiable Desire

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Raphael POV
" do you and Bianca think you can make your marriage work ?" Liam my therapist ask it's been four months since she lost our daughter that night at the hospital my wife went into early labor and the doctors said my daughter wrap umbilical cord around her neck it cut off her air supply I was broken I am broken that night everything change , changed me Bianca and Zora , I thought maybe it was all one big nightmare but I my heart I knew everything was real the pain was unbearable all I felt was guilt a month later I tried to commit suicide I felt zora and Bianca both voicemails telling them how sorry I truly was my heart ached for both of them pregnant and all caste on leg and neck brace zora came she save me crazy right ? Me and zora baby made it she didn't miscarry she's currently still pregnant and of course I had know choice but to tell Bianca and my affair she blamed me for our daughters death which honestly felt like my fault its been for fucked up months since the accident happened . " I don't know the guilt of everything is what keeps me in my loveless marriage I owe that to our daughter to Bianca for not being there when they needed me most " Bianca currently lives with her parents again she said she needed time that she didn't want a divorce she just needed to heal and I understood that I was relieved in some way that near death experience made me realize things and time can be cut short I was having mixed emotions about my wife " Raphael it's okay to fall out love it doesn't mean you don't love your wife anymore your aren't in love anymore but of course you still love and care you want that best for her don't feel your obligated, you don't owe her anything " I nod wiping the tears that fall down my face I I barley spoken to zora she literally keeps her distance only updated me on my child appointments I do know she currently live in the mountains away from the media she has no remorse they shamed her for sleeping with a married men she had gotten death threats and so much more I have to to her mother Ammiano but she barely she barely even answers the phone for her she let me visit her once she then it's been facetime and phone calls " how's zora and the baby ? " I smile thinking about our unborn child her and he is a fighter a survivor the crash was bad but they both pulled through that's more than what I can ask for " truly I don't know I I been worried about her she's not the same at all and I mean why would she be but I do miss her she's bye herself from what I know of she updates me on our child health but that's it " it scared the shit out of me knowing she alone I know she not all the way healed she still has a neck brace on I worry about the stress she may be under it isn't good for her or our baby " give her time literally from everything you tell me she's been through alot and just how you treated her before the accident happened it's alot to process while being pregnant she hormonal " that goes without saying she probably hates me and she has everything reason to .

" how's your mom ?" I decided to ask honestly I was surprised she even wanted to have lunch with me, Bianca call me after therapy sessions " um she's fine her and daddy have been ry supportive " I nod fully aware that everything we are about discussed will only hurt her more and I already caused her enough pain " how's zora and the baby " I down the rest of my wine it's just as hard me her eyes water mentioning zora and they baby " as far as I know there fine " she smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes " it's been four months and I know we have both did our own therapy I was thinking we should try couples therapy daddy said it helped my mom and him he really wants us to work " I can still give two shit about her father opinion we actually got into a fistfight after everything that happened " is that what you want I mean can you honestly say you still love me or are in love with me " I ask because I still have my doubts about us and our marriage even before losing our daughter or my affair I was falling out love " I mean yes it hurts I feel like a piece of me is missing but I do wanna work on forgiving you moving pass this me moving back in the house our daughter deserves to know her parents truly loved her and each other " she utters and each time she mentions our daughter I feel like my heart's been sliced again and after everything she said she didn't answer any of the questions I ask .

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