Insatiable Desire

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Raphael POV

" Hey Ammiano " she steps outside her house not inviting me in I can tell she tries calming herself before talking
" what are you doing here you know zora isn't here " she looks at me her face full of disgusted not that am even upset by it I totally understand I treated her daughter as a whore her husband treated me as a son I almost killed her and me " I was wondering if I could have zora's new address, I know me and her don't have the best relationship but I do wanna be there for our children I had to found out that she's pregnant with twins from my mother we had a agreement that she would keep me updated on all things that had to do with our babies " it makes me upset that she thought it was cool just to keep me in the dark I get it she hates me but for our babies sake we atleast she be civil I dont wanna cause her stress or any depress her doing her pregnancy she already high risk due to the crash " give you her address you know I wish Jason was alive so he could see all his hard work went towards a piece of shit someone who fucked his daughter " its hits me hard when she mentions Jason Hudson because I already I failed him but I'll try making up for it towards my kids that's the only thing I can do i already apologize enough " look I know I fucked up and I have said sorry I can't say it enough but I wanna be there for her just as much as she was there when I needed someone I just want her please " she eyes me up and down staring into my soul I think she finds what she looking for because she Sighs frustrated " ok fine but I already told your mother if my daughter is hurt an any type of way I have your head as a souvenir after burying your body " I nod pleased that am actually gonna get a chance to see it " thank you " .

" I have never done this before so am not sure exactly what am suppose to say am pretty sure I look fucking stupid but my therapist says it may help me and my healing process " breathe out stand at Jason Hudson grave tears cloud my eyes am so fucked up of all things I fuck his daughter then treat her like a whore not only that I blame her for getting pregnant when I didn't use protection myself and I nearly killed her I fall to my knees feeling so much guilt " I'm sorry am so sorry Jason god I messed up not only mines but your daughter and bianca's life " I don't bother wiping my tears that fall I already know I look pathetic
" you believed in me trusted me you gave me so much but in return I made a mess of my life and I have no idea how to fix it to try to even mend things with bianca knowing in ways it's not worth it our time together has run out we both bleed it dry I fucked up by not saying what really bothered me in our marriage how she became meek everything became bland she lost ambition how her father played a big part in our marriage as if he was in the bedroom with us I should've said it maybe I could have saved everyone including myself from hurt " , I lay me on the tombstone feeling kinda better having things off my chest
" I want fix things with zora I wanna tell her how deeply sorry I am for the way I acted and treated her I wanna be there for her and my babies she carrying and I don't know how to make up for it I know being there for her will only hurt bianca and the thin strings of our marriage that's left I feel guilty to my daughter i lost knowing she didn't get a chance with me or mother at a happy family but most guilty because I feel relief a burden had been lifted from me I don't have any ties left with bianca divorce is now a big option I can leave free never feeling like am leaving something important behind if that makes sense " am suck a fucking bastard zora maybe right about saying away from me knowing I feel happiness at leaving Bianca behind I would have stayed with her if our daughter was here no doubt but happiness wouldn't have been with us because I simply don't love her
" please Jason help me help me fix it with zora for our children and us because she who I love I love her zora Hudson " . My facetime rings quickly answering seeing who it is " hey " I greet her first seeing her beautiful face she has a glow to her that makes her shine even with a neck brace on " hey I have some news about my pregnancy would you like to come over " she murmurs seeming a little unsure I nod standing " yeah I can be there an a hour " she nods " I'll send you the address " hanging up quickly before I can respond.


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