I drove straight through the two hours and found the hotel. It was on a busy main street, which I thought was odd but as I stepped into the reception it was not what I expected at all. The room was light blues and automatically calmed me. The receptionist was a woman around my age, well done up and blonde flowing hair.
"Hi, can I grab your name?" She smiled at me and I rested my hand on the desk.
"Ermm yes it's Effie". I wasn't sure if she needed my surname but I refused to give her that fucker's name. The receptionist smiled and looked through a large piece of paper full of names.
"Effie, fantastic you are in room six, it's the second floor first on the right". This woman's face seemed so happy and it was confusing the fuck out of me.
"Sorry, am I in the right place?" I asked, my voice trembling.
"You are Effie, sorry we try to have the check in process as close to a normal hotel as possible. There is a list of numbers in your room if you need specific support urgently. The support worker will be with you tomorrow about nine in the morning. There is also a menu for you to choose dinner." I just nodded at her, taking the keys from her hand and walking towards the lift. If I wasn't so terrified I would be pissed off. She couldn't have told me that in the beginning? When I spoke to the woman on the phone to book it she couldn't have told me these things? Fucking idoits. It didn't help my anxiety and I prayed this support worker would be helpful. I needed to start completely fresh, I was never allowed to work and was only given a handful of money at a time to get the exact things we needed. Ajax would know exactly how much everything cost and I never had any change. I took a deep breath in as I stood in front of room six. Was this really it? I had a heavy feeling in my gut, it couldn't be this easy right? I had been hiding, fighting and crying for over ten years with Ajax. Could I really successfully walk away from him? I searched the hallway with my eyes and located a clock hanging high on the wall. It was barely four in the afternoon. Ajax was nowhere near finishing work. This is why it felt so easy, he hadn't even known I was gone. I turned the key to room six, trying to swallow down the bile in my throat. My anxiety and fear I had lived with for so long told me that Ajax was sitting in this hotel room, waiting for me. I closed my eyes as I walked in, hearing silence. I slowly opened them. I felt relieved, it was a cute little room and completely empty of Ajax. It was grey which normally isn't my favourite colour but it did give me a calming feeling. There was a small double bed in the middle and I thanked the lord a TV. Next to a large window was a single wardrobe and desk. I threw my small bag on the bed and noticed the door to the left of the front door. I prayed it was a bathroom as I desperately needed a shower but panic filled me again. What if he was in here? I looked around the room and opened the wardrobe. I picked up the iron sitting at the bottom of the wardrobe, unsure what I would actually do with it but held it close to me nonetheless as I opened the door, bursting into the tiny bathroom.