Chapter 1
Malaysia has the most bipolar weather Soraya has ever experienced or witnessed in a country she has lived in. Which is really saying something since she has shifted countries plenty times for as long as she can remember. When it gets super cloudy,it is not necessary that it will rain. On days where the sun is blindingly bright and not a single cloud is in sight-it pours like crazy out of the blue. For weeks in a row,it can be so humid you feel like the water in your lungs evaporate while you are walking. Other weeks? Non stop storms that go on for half the day if not more. Soraya does not mind that. She is an ambivert.She stays indoors-in her own little world or personal bubble-most the time. It is very rare she has to go out during daytime in the scorching heat. She usually plans her outings or errands around late afternoon to night. She is not afraid of social interaction in the slightest but only goes for it when in the mood and with the right company-she is VERY picky about that. Besides,she is someone who loves dreary or dark skies and the cold. And the sound of thunder? Oof that shit relaxes her. She is aware that makes her "weird"-among many other things-but does not give a damn.
She has been goth since 7th grade-since she was 12 years old. Most her wardrobe is in black and the shit that isn't black are still in dark colors. There are barely any pastels or florals and white? Hell no. She mainly prefers vintage goth,gothic lolita(Ugh she hates the word "Lolita". Hard not to if you are a literature buff. Fortunately,this particular Japanese subculture has nothing to do with THAT.),fetish/kinky goth,classic goth(think Morticia or Wednesday Addams and you will get the idea!) and casual streetwear goth. Her taste in music can best be described as mad,mad sad and mad horny...with the occasional parody/satire song here and there. She is a fan of crime thrillers,psychological thrillers,comic books,fantasy/mythology and comedies. She likes erotic mainstream movies too but has never understood the recent explosion in erotic 'literature' popularity. She refuses to call them literature unironically because she feels they are too poorly written or thought out to ever become classics. She is confused about their success because well-
Soraya(thinks to herself):Why would I want to read porn if I could just watch it? Why read and visualize when I could just watch it already visualized? Sounds like porn but in written form and with extra steps.
So yeah-she loves thunder because it reminds her of Thor and gloomy weather because it matches her dark personality or tastes.
Soraya,24 years old,is a university student studying from home-pretty much like everyone grounded at home due to the pandemic. She is not a good student so she does not study much on the weekdays and studying on the weekends? Ha! That is out of the question. Today is Saturday. Even if there was an inkling of a chance for her to crack open a study book today,it flew out of the window because of the special event marked on her phone calendar. She stares outside the window-the sunlight is blinding her even when indoors. Yeesh. She is trying to muster up the strength to go out immediately and get roasted like a rotisserie chicken. She has to go out now-no delays. Not today of all days. Today is a normal day for most but not for herself!
For some context,let's rewind abit-
Soraya has wanted to be a singer or songwriter in Hollywood since she was 10. She did change her mind few times about careers like any kid but she never let go of her Hollywood dream. When she went through a loooooong rough patch-or series of rough patches-that lasted from her early teens to early adulthood,music was all she had to keep her sane and give her motivation. That strengthened her connection to it and love for it even more. She enjoys a catchy beat like anyone else but lyrics/emotional depth will always have the highest priority for her. Her favorite genres are new age wave,synth pop,electronica,punk,goth rock,classic rock,psychedelic rock,goth metal,symphonic metal and Viking metal. Most her favorites are groups or artists from the 60s-80s. She does listen to modern mainstream music but not as much as the average person. She listened to Kpop for the first time ever when she was 16. She was at her step dad's in Jeddah,Saudi Arbaia. She was flipping through channels mindlessly when bored and stumbled across Channel V Asia. There was a Kpop countdown and she watched it to kill some time. Most groups blended into a blur for her. The excess plastic surgeries and make up to fit a particular rigid beauty standard,everyone more or less having the same body type,everyone dressing in near identical clothes-what was considered trendy at the time- singing about love and having a cutesy bubblegum pop aesthetic or sound...just wasn't for her. The lack of variety and experimentation was not helping either. Only 3 groups stood out-BIGBANG,VIXX and 2NE1.
BIGBANG had this wild,rebellious,manly energy that instantly drew her in. She has always disliked the effiminate,soft,pretty boy image that majority boy groups have. BIGBANG was refreshing for being the opposite. Plus they seemed like one of the few groups not at all concerned with industry trends and more concerned about leaving a mark with their uniqueness. They experimented alot with everything imaginable-fashion,concept,sound-you name it.
VIXX stood out to her because of their goth and kinky concept. All boy groups then were trying to be as innocent and cute as possible then there was VIXX being a strong contrast to that. While most sang about love,crushes,heartbreak and looking attractive/being popular,VIXX sang about abusive relationships,trauma,mental illnesses,grief,loneliness,serial killers,feeling empty on the inside or lost,classic literature and last but not least -BDSM or wild sex in the most graphic yet sensual ways possible. They also wore dark or revealing clothing with chokers and harnesses-a decade before those items became mainstream Kpop fashion staples- Korea is very conservative as a nation overall and their music/tv shows reflect that. The censorship board is crazy strict and that many years ago? Being so bold and direct with sexually charged lyrics was unthinkable. Hell even in present day and age,Kpop is really tame compared to what you get from the West. But VIXX didn't care and stayed true to their brand. They were ahead of their time. She found that admirable.
2NE1...where to begin? There will NEVER be another girl group like that. Kpop is not a genre known for experimenting,breaking the mold or giving artistic freedom of any kind to artists. It is rough for all artists specially rougher for women.2NE1 was the only girl group to go for tomboy,punk,gangsta rapper vibes and still is after all these years. Though they were wildly successful,they always got a ridiculous amount of hate for not fitting in the industry standard of what is considered attractive or acceptable concept wise for a female idol(only cute or sexy concepts are whole heartedly embraced by the general Korean public when it comes to girl groups. Good ol' sexism to thank for that.) Unsurprisingly,that rebelliousness and feminism spoke to young Soraya and she supported them till they disbanded.
In case you are wondering-no, discovering these 3 groups was not some major turning point for her. It wasn't like discovering them magically turned her into a Kpop stan and made her forget everything else-specially other music genres from all over the world- for the rest of her life. In fact,Soraya hates Kpop stans(she is fine with fans-loathes stans) like that. She was a casual fan for 6 months then dipped and forgot about Kpop's existence for years. She got back into it 8 years later randomly out of curiosity. She couldn't sleep one night so she absent mindedly typed "dirtiest songs in Kpop ever" in a search engine to see how much the genre had changed since she last experienced it. She noticed few songs by a particular group kept cropping up on lists. Other groups showed up on lists but this particular group had the most entries. She mentally noted down the track names and checked them on Youtube. She loved what she heard/saw and looked up lyric translation sheets. After getting the kinky songs out of the way,she started to dig into this group's different stuff and was pleasantly surprised she enjoyed those as well.
That's a wrap for the rewind. Back to the present. This mega group has many subunits. One of the subunits sings mostly in in Chinese-they occasionally do Korean covers of their Chinese songs or mix lyrics in different languages together- and all the members are Chinese. Soraya has had a crush on one of the members of this subunit for awhile now. She never thought of going for a fansign/fanmeet since the cost to go to the country it is being held in,hotel expenses etc..all seemed unreasonable or impractical just to meet a stranger. All that changed when the pandemic hit and fansigns went online and global. A Kpop fanmeet is nothing like a fanmeet in the West. In the West,you pay enough and you get the chance to get an autograph and talk to your fave. In Korea,it is not that simple. You buy an album to enter a lucky draw. There is no guarantee buying the album will mean you get to speak to your fave. That is why fans are encouraged to bulk buy as many albums as possible to increase their chances of winning. She went through the overly complicated purchase and registration process then installed an user un-friendly app where the video call would happen if she got selected. Soraya is a cheap,bare minimum fan. She supports her favorite artists by streaming or purchasing singles. She rarely buys full albums. Buying merch or spending on concerts and fanmeets is out of the question for someone like her. So even buying one album to enter this lucky draw system was an out of character moment for her. Having never won draws or any game involving luck and prizes her whole life,Soraya was confident she would not win the chance to speak to Aiden. So you can imagine her extreme shock when she got the winner announcement email with her name on the list!
She has been goth since 7th grade-since she was 12 years old. Most her wardrobe is in black and the shit that isn't black are still in dark colors. There are barely any pastels or florals and white? Hell no. She mainly prefers vintage goth,gothic lolita(Ugh she hates the word "Lolita". Hard not to if you are a literature buff. Fortunately,this particular Japanese subculture has nothing to do with THAT.),fetish/kinky goth,classic goth(think Morticia or Wednesday Addams and you will get the idea!) and casual streetwear goth. Her taste in music can best be described as mad,mad sad and mad horny...with the occasional parody/satire song here and there. She is a fan of crime thrillers,psychological thrillers,comic books,fantasy/mythology and comedies. She likes erotic mainstream movies too but has never understood the recent explosion in erotic 'literature' popularity. She refuses to call them literature unironically because she feels they are too poorly written or thought out to ever become classics. She is confused about their success because well-
Soraya(thinks to herself):Why would I want to read porn if I could just watch it? Why read and visualize when I could just watch it already visualized? Sounds like porn but in written form and with extra steps.
So yeah-she loves thunder because it reminds her of Thor and gloomy weather because it matches her dark personality or tastes.
Soraya,24 years old,is a university student studying from home-pretty much like everyone grounded at home due to the pandemic. She is not a good student so she does not study much on the weekdays and studying on the weekends? Ha! That is out of the question. Today is Saturday. Even if there was an inkling of a chance for her to crack open a study book today,it flew out of the window because of the special event marked on her phone calendar. She stares outside the window-the sunlight is blinding her even when indoors. Yeesh. She is trying to muster up the strength to go out immediately and get roasted like a rotisserie chicken. She has to go out now-no delays. Not today of all days. Today is a normal day for most but not for herself!
For some context,let's rewind abit-
Soraya has wanted to be a singer or songwriter in Hollywood since she was 10. She did change her mind few times about careers like any kid but she never let go of her Hollywood dream. When she went through a loooooong rough patch-or series of rough patches-that lasted from her early teens to early adulthood,music was all she had to keep her sane and give her motivation. That strengthened her connection to it and love for it even more. She enjoys a catchy beat like anyone else but lyrics/emotional depth will always have the highest priority for her. Her favorite genres are new age wave,synth pop,electronica,punk,goth rock,classic rock,psychedelic rock,goth metal,symphonic metal and Viking metal. Most her favorites are groups or artists from the 60s-80s. She does listen to modern mainstream music but not as much as the average person. She listened to Kpop for the first time ever when she was 16. She was at her step dad's in Jeddah,Saudi Arbaia. She was flipping through channels mindlessly when bored and stumbled across Channel V Asia. There was a Kpop countdown and she watched it to kill some time. Most groups blended into a blur for her. The excess plastic surgeries and make up to fit a particular rigid beauty standard,everyone more or less having the same body type,everyone dressing in near identical clothes-what was considered trendy at the time- singing about love and having a cutesy bubblegum pop aesthetic or sound...just wasn't for her. The lack of variety and experimentation was not helping either. Only 3 groups stood out-BIGBANG,VIXX and 2NE1.
BIGBANG had this wild,rebellious,manly energy that instantly drew her in. She has always disliked the effiminate,soft,pretty boy image that majority boy groups have. BIGBANG was refreshing for being the opposite. Plus they seemed like one of the few groups not at all concerned with industry trends and more concerned about leaving a mark with their uniqueness. They experimented alot with everything imaginable-fashion,concept,sound-you name it.
VIXX stood out to her because of their goth and kinky concept. All boy groups then were trying to be as innocent and cute as possible then there was VIXX being a strong contrast to that. While most sang about love,crushes,heartbreak and looking attractive/being popular,VIXX sang about abusive relationships,trauma,mental illnesses,grief,loneliness,serial killers,feeling empty on the inside or lost,classic literature and last but not least -BDSM or wild sex in the most graphic yet sensual ways possible. They also wore dark or revealing clothing with chokers and harnesses-a decade before those items became mainstream Kpop fashion staples- Korea is very conservative as a nation overall and their music/tv shows reflect that. The censorship board is crazy strict and that many years ago? Being so bold and direct with sexually charged lyrics was unthinkable. Hell even in present day and age,Kpop is really tame compared to what you get from the West. But VIXX didn't care and stayed true to their brand. They were ahead of their time. She found that admirable.
2NE1...where to begin? There will NEVER be another girl group like that. Kpop is not a genre known for experimenting,breaking the mold or giving artistic freedom of any kind to artists. It is rough for all artists specially rougher for women.2NE1 was the only girl group to go for tomboy,punk,gangsta rapper vibes and still is after all these years. Though they were wildly successful,they always got a ridiculous amount of hate for not fitting in the industry standard of what is considered attractive or acceptable concept wise for a female idol(only cute or sexy concepts are whole heartedly embraced by the general Korean public when it comes to girl groups. Good ol' sexism to thank for that.) Unsurprisingly,that rebelliousness and feminism spoke to young Soraya and she supported them till they disbanded.
In case you are wondering-no, discovering these 3 groups was not some major turning point for her. It wasn't like discovering them magically turned her into a Kpop stan and made her forget everything else-specially other music genres from all over the world- for the rest of her life. In fact,Soraya hates Kpop stans(she is fine with fans-loathes stans) like that. She was a casual fan for 6 months then dipped and forgot about Kpop's existence for years. She got back into it 8 years later randomly out of curiosity. She couldn't sleep one night so she absent mindedly typed "dirtiest songs in Kpop ever" in a search engine to see how much the genre had changed since she last experienced it. She noticed few songs by a particular group kept cropping up on lists. Other groups showed up on lists but this particular group had the most entries. She mentally noted down the track names and checked them on Youtube. She loved what she heard/saw and looked up lyric translation sheets. After getting the kinky songs out of the way,she started to dig into this group's different stuff and was pleasantly surprised she enjoyed those as well.
That's a wrap for the rewind. Back to the present. This mega group has many subunits. One of the subunits sings mostly in in Chinese-they occasionally do Korean covers of their Chinese songs or mix lyrics in different languages together- and all the members are Chinese. Soraya has had a crush on one of the members of this subunit for awhile now. She never thought of going for a fansign/fanmeet since the cost to go to the country it is being held in,hotel expenses etc..all seemed unreasonable or impractical just to meet a stranger. All that changed when the pandemic hit and fansigns went online and global. A Kpop fanmeet is nothing like a fanmeet in the West. In the West,you pay enough and you get the chance to get an autograph and talk to your fave. In Korea,it is not that simple. You buy an album to enter a lucky draw. There is no guarantee buying the album will mean you get to speak to your fave. That is why fans are encouraged to bulk buy as many albums as possible to increase their chances of winning. She went through the overly complicated purchase and registration process then installed an user un-friendly app where the video call would happen if she got selected. Soraya is a cheap,bare minimum fan. She supports her favorite artists by streaming or purchasing singles. She rarely buys full albums. Buying merch or spending on concerts and fanmeets is out of the question for someone like her. So even buying one album to enter this lucky draw system was an out of character moment for her. Having never won draws or any game involving luck and prizes her whole life,Soraya was confident she would not win the chance to speak to Aiden. So you can imagine her extreme shock when she got the winner announcement email with her name on the list!
