'The Happy Hooker Driver'

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I am parked outside of Crissy’s place in Allegheny West in North Philadelphia, and so far it has not been a very pleasant experience. I was on time to pick this girl up at 8:00 pm, and now it is half past the hour, but she is a no show. I have called the agency three times already, and spoken with Foxy who I had never spoken with before, she has an Australian accent. I told her that if Crissy does not show up very soon, that I will have to leave. I hate having to wait on people who are so disrespectful of my time, because I am a person who makes every effort to be on time. But Foxy reassures me that she will be coming outside, and to wait for her. At 8:47, a short haired blonde girl appears from out of the isolating, dark street, and is all lit up by the street light. With her head down she says: “Hello” underneath her breath. She gets into my vehicle with the suggestion of a little girl who has been caught sneaking around her mother’s makeup drawer, and is afraid that she is going to be punished!

I am not much of a talker unless it is a conversation provided by nervousness, and she too does not seem to be interested in conversing either, so I let the silence speak for itself. Crissy keeps on nodding off, at times it is only for a few seconds, but at other times it is for minutes on end. I can tell that she is high on something. I question myself out loud on what I should do from this point on...“How can I take her to a client in this state?” I pull my vehicle over to the side of the road in order to call the agency. Foxy answers the phone, and directs me to stop off at a gas station to get Crissy something to eat, and drink, then she will be ok, and that she will call the client who is a regular to tell him that we are running late. While Crissy is passed out in my vehicle, I run into a WaWa to pick up some Potato Chips, Donuts, and a couple of cold cokes. When I return I nudge her until she wakes up, and with not even a single word from her, she dives head first into the Potato Chip bags, and the Donuts, in fact she is thirsty enough to drink my coke as well.

When she finishes she lets out a pretty huge Belch! “I’m sorry she says as she places her hand on top of her stomach, are we at the client’s place?” “No, actually we are at a WaWa.” “Oh, ok” she says as she fiddles around in her purse for some makeup; She touches up her face with some concealer and blush, and applies some Champagne colored lipstick. She has brought a lot of stuff with her, besides her purse, she has two large Women’s Tote Bags; I ask her what exactly are inside of those bags, and she says that the clients who she sees on a regular basis like her to put on different outfits of their choosing. I envy her, she is a really pretty girl, with an athletic type of a body, and so I say to her: “You must have many regulars.” “I do, but it’s not all that its cracked up to be.”

Although, we just met, I feel bad seeing her in such a vulnerable condition. I cannot even imagine if her family knows what it is that she is doing to support herself. She can barely stay upright as she gets out of my vehicle, let alone carry all of the stuff that she has brought with her. I get out of my vehicle to help her carry her bags to the client’s back door. Then, I am the one who gets to leave as she plays dress up to a perverted creep who probably sexualizes his own mother. “I am only the driver, I just drive.” I keep on telling myself.

The following day, I get a text message from Jessica that Crissy has another regular who would like to see her at noon time. So, I go to pick her up, with the expectation that she shall keep me waiting as she did last night. But, to my pleasant surprise she is on time. “Hey Crissy, how are you doing today? It is good seeing you again.” In a monotone voice she says: “I think that I’m doing ok, I did not get much sleep last night, I stayed up too late watching TV Reruns of ‘The I Love Lucy Show’. When she said that, that brought a smile to my face. Although, she is high today again I can tell, her pupils are dilated! “Do you mind if we stop off at a gas station first, I am so fucking hungry right now!” she asks.

I stop off at a Turkey Hill Gas Station. The first thing that I head for is the Potato Chip isle; Honey Herrs Cheese Curls, I have been addicted to these things since the very moment that I tried my first one. They do not have this brand Out West, so I am just lucky enough to have found my cheese curls match made in Heaven. I cannot believe it, Crissy on the other hand is stacking up in her hands, and underneath her arm pits, ‘Hostess Fruit Pies’, and Donuts galore, when she is through, I add up that she has a total of eleven items of pure sugar. I am rationalizing this huge bounty in my own head that she will not be consuming all of this junk food in one sitting, I am sure of it I tell myself. Hell! I was wrong, because when we get back to my vehicle, she begins to consume each and every one of The Fruit Pies, and Donuts. It looks as if I am watching someone in an eating competition. One time, I did read somewhere that doing drugs can make a person hungry!

It is an older style home, unremarkable as it’s white paint is peeling away from it’s structure. Crissy has on tight black leggings which adhere very well to her muscle-toned legs. She is such a pretty girl, and I think to myself that she deserves better, than to have to spread her legs inside of this shack to a horny one-eyed creature. I have done driving jobs in the past such as for ‘Dry Cleaning’, and Pizza Delivery. But, this one is crazy, the client’s act like they are just ordering a Pizza; Not paying for the crust, and getting the toppings for free.

As I am taking Crissy back home, she asks me if I would like to hang out with her at her place for awhile. “Of Course I would, I have nothing else going on.” It is a three-story home, and she lives on the top floor. The building is old and run down, and the staircase creaks, and the vinyl stripping on top of the stairs is cracked and ripping away! The climb up is steep and narrow, and above the top of the stairs is Crissy’s room that she rents. “This was once used as the Attic, now they rent it out as a room, aren’t I lucky! she does a little twirl. I used to be a dancer”, she says light heartedly. “Neat, what kind of a dancer were you?” “Contemporary Ballet; A combination of Classical Ballet and Modern Dance”, she does some more twirls about the room, so much so that I get dizzy watching her.

The room is tiny, but cozy, and she has it lit up everywhere with white lights. “It is fantastic Crissy, I cannot even tell that this once was used as an attic.” Her room has in it a Mini Fridge, Microwave, and an Electric Kettle. “Would you like a cup of Tea, I have tons to choose from, whenever I have a client who is staying at a hotel, I grab the entire stash of Tea from the lobby.” There is a shoe box right beside the Kettle full of all types of Teas, and she picks out one for me and one for her. As we sip on the hot soothing tea, Crissy walks over to her closet which has no door on it, and starts to pull out certain articles of clothing, and throws them on top of her bed. Then, out of no where she removes her leggings, and her top...standing in front of a mirror in just her grey panties, and a Zebra print styled bra. “I want to show you my Sheer Pink Dress that I just got at a thrift store for $8.00, isn’t it pretty!” She says as she slips it on over her head. “Yes, it is beautiful, I wish that I were into fashion like you are, with all of your stylish clothing.”

“I get my sense of style from my Mother, she would dress me up in the most amazing outfits when I was a little girl.” “So, you have some family close by then?” I ask. “No, my parents don’t live in PA., I came out here with an ex-boyfriend of mine, and I have not seen them for a really long time. The last time that I spoke to them, we got into a big argument.” I do not want to pry into what exactly the argument was that she had with her parents, but I kind of wonder if it is due to her drug usage.

“Crissy, it is a hot day out today, and I got to get back home to check up on my dogs. I left the air conditioner on, but it has not been working too well lately, and my one dog Radar starts panting a lot when it is too hot for him!” “What kind of dogs do you have?” “I have two Yorkies, and the other ones name is Shasta.” She says your dog got the name from The Shasta Cola drink, cuz I love that stuff!” I told her that one day I was drinking a can of it, and I just thought that it would make for a great name. “Thank you for the tea Crissy, have a good rest of your day!” “You too!” she says in her Sheer Pink Dress as she plops herself atop of her bed!

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